I want to go in the exam room with my mom when she sees her internist tomorrow. She is still obsessing about getting her driver's license back and I want to reinforce that she should NOT drive anymore.

She also told me he wants to recheck a lump in one of her breasts and insists that she told me about it months ago... this is the first I've heard of it.

Has anyone got any suggestions for me? I could just get up when she's called and walk to the door with her, but I think she would turn around and tell me to get lost. Is there something I could say to the nurse that would convince her I should be in there?
K

The only thing I can think of is faxing something to the doc's office today. Maybe a one line, extra large - "when you call my mom in please loudly state that you'd like me to come with her." Then in smaller letters a short - mom has Alzheimer's and is unable to remember anything the doctor tells her and sometimes forgets things she wanted to discuss. But if she hasn't signed a HIPPA waiver I doubt if they will be able to give you much assistance in getting her to waive her "rights." I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!

Pass a note to the receptionist at the doctor's office saying that you need to come into the examining room with your mother because she has AD. I'm sure that they would want you in there for that reason anyway. I used to go in with my parents so that I could hear from the doc him or herself, what was going on. Otherwise, I'd just get their side of the story.

I would certainly just walk in with her to keep her company etc carry her purse or her coat, help her with her zipper. I would also write or fax the MD a note to be given to him before the appointment and to be kept confidential.

Your Mom has the legal right to not have you in the room with her doctor and also to keep her medical information from you.
However, that doesn't prevent you from sharing information with her doctor. I'd call his office today and also bring a brief statement that you want him to read tomorrow when he sees her.

1) Fax a short and sweet list of symptoms to the doctor ahead of time. Mention the breast thing, etc.

2) When you check in at the desk, tell the receptionist that you need to see the doctor BEFORE he or she sees your mom.

A good way to do this is to hand the receptionist a very short note that says "My mom has Alzheimer's. I need to see the doctor BEFORE he sees her."

Usually what will happen is that they will call her back, put her in an exam room, and then get you separately so you can see the doctor in a different area.

Mom may well not say anything when they call you back first, but if she does, just say you're getting your flu shot.

3) Will Mom let you fill out the paperwork for her when she checks in? If so, sign her name for her on the HIPAA form that lists who's allowed to get her health information. Put your name on their as an authorized person.

3) If she won't let you do the paperwork, ask the receptionist for a blank copy of the HIPAA form where people list who's allowed to get their info. You don't have to explain why you're asking and they won't care. Just say "Can we get a couple extra copies of the HIPAA forms?"

Take the copy back home with you. Sign her signature for her. How wonderful that she decided to share her info with you! Fax it back to the doctor's office. Now you can get information.

I'm serious, not kidding.

I have also used the note before the appt or sent the fax the previous day. Mom is okay with me going in with her and the dr's know just to give her basic fluff info and let me know the real info later. If it is during the day, I take her caregiver with me so she can sit with Mom in the waiting room otherwise the dr. usually just calls me later with the real info.

Hi all,
Thanks for your wonderful suggestions. I'm going to print them and keep them for next time.

When I got to her house, she wasn't there, so I went to her doc's office to see if someone else had driven her. She was there with her boyfriend. She said she had called me a couple of days ago to tell me he was going to take her. Then she told me she thinks I'm the one with the memory problem.

I gave a note to the nurse and was going to talk to the doc but then he got so far behind that he asked me just to write out my concerns and he would get back to me. He did say that he would advise her not to drive. Thank you Doctor!

While sitting in the waiting room with the boyfriend, I learned that he's been stirring things up. He got very angry and accused me of getting the doctors to take away her driving. I told him I didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't go into detail about the doctors, etc, but I did say I don't think she should drive.

Then he said he thinks I'm getting ready to try to put her in a home. He said, "she disagrees with me and doesn't think so, but I do." Great, so he's telling my mother that. I asked to stop telling her that. Then he said he hadn't told her. Geeze, it's like talking to my mother...

My impression is that he's stirring things up, agitating her and trying to turn her against me. That's the last thing I need. I liked him when I met him and I thought he was good for her, now I wonder what he's really trying to do - perhaps he's interested in her money - not that she has much but she has more than he does.

I need to watch things even more closely than I have been. Now, I'm going to my quilting bee for the first time in weeks. I need to get away from thinking about her and the new wrinkle for a while.
K

Not that you need another thing on your plate....

But boyfriend concerns me. Do you have POA for your mom? Can you "lock down" her money so that he can't get to it? Start documenting these conversations with him. You may eventually have to go to court for conservatorship/guardianship, and it may be useful to show why you are concerned that she might be taken advantage of.

Do you think he was changing his story in your conversation because he was feeling guilty or is also having cognitive issues? Is he safe to drive? Does he have children or other family members that could help?

His motive really doesn't matter, but I do often think that these difficult boyfriends and girlfriends frequently have more than a touch of dementia themselves. Just makes it that much harder to get anything done, for sure. I agree w/ Carolina Songbird - would be interesting to know if his kids would also be supportive of separating them.

In your shoes, I would talk to an attorney about involuntary guardianship. Your mom seems very resistant to attempts to help her, and the boyfriend can't be helping matters. It sounds like the doctor would be comfortable providing a letter stating that she's incompetent.

And she certainly needs to have her access to any money or assets she has cut off ASAP. Not because of the boyfriend, but because it sounds like her judgement is impaired.

That's when people start sending blank signed checks to telemarketers, giving thousands to the yard guy (my mom), forgetting to pay their property taxes, etc., etc. Nothing but bad news lies in that direction.