Sometimes I want to put my arms around my Mom and hold her in a long warm hug. She and my Dad have been together a long time. My Dad has been recently diagnosed with AD. They live so far away from me. We talk on the phone nearly every day. There are times when I hear the stress in her voice. She sounds so tired. I try to encourage her. My Dad is going through so many personality changes. He has always been a kind and gentle man. Now he has bouts of anger and unreasonableness. I think it's breaking my Mom's heart. I love them both so much.......

Oh Brenda...My heart is breaking for you. This disease is so hard. Agression is just one of the stages AD patients can go through.

Do you have family close to your Mom that can help her. She definately will need help.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt the same way --I live in AZ and my parents live in Ohio. When Dad got worse, I moved back to Ohio and was there the last 2 yrs of Dads life. It was hard on my family, I took a leave from work but I felt I needed to be there with him.

One thing I have learned is you can only do what you can do. Don't feel guilty that you are not doing enough but do everything you can do. If you can't go to help your Mom-- then find her some help.....she can not do this alone.

My prayers are with you and your Mom....Christy

I agree with 4Sisters,,,do what you can,,and when you can't be there,,please get some help in there for your Mom,,,she will need it.

If you can get in touch with their local Senior Resources,,they can be so very helpful.

I'm sorry about your Dad,,and its so devasting to get news like that about a LO. You're in my prayers. Peace & Blessings

Brenda: I agree with Christy & Raven about getting help for your mom. I also say continue to be there; even by phone, for your mom. It is important that she has a place to vent.
If she is computer saavy get her online with the altzheimer group or have her contact them with information. I found that just in being able to talk with someone helped so much! Along with receiving the information they are so willing to mail out.
It is the hardest thing to watch someone with this horrid disease. All you knew before seems to vanish and out comes this person you really have no concept of existance.....If some of the personality changes occur in late afternoon it could be sundowning. Sometimes medication works for that -- my mom can very moment by moment and holds fast to this concept that she only has a "little" of the dementia and that she is still very sharp with her memory.

Thank you so much for your replies. I did help my Mom find some resources. They have a nurse that comes in twice a week now I think. We are still looking for more help. There is no family close by that is willing to help them.
I love them so much it makes my heart hurt. I plan on going there this new year and staying for as long as I can. I have a very supportive and understanding husband.
My Mom has found this site and has been reading the forums. She is so delighted to know that she is not alone.
You are wonderful people.

Brenda,

May I add my thoughts on how important it is for your Mom to have a break. Someone to come in and free her to spend some time doing something special for herself.

Perhaps when you are there arrangements can be made for someone to stay with him while you and Mom have a "ladies day out", manicure, pedicure and a special lunch together. It is amazing how much a few hours break can help.

Once you are gone, Mom needs that break on a regular basis to help her. And perhaps the MD can help with the anger management.

So good that your Mom will be able to go on-line...Education and learning what worked for others helps so much.

Bless you all,
Marci

Hi Marci,
I will find away to get my Mom out and about for a while when I get back there. I know she needs it. She is on this site as "Jaylene". I have seen a couple of her posts already. I'm so glad she has found people to talk to. I do worry about her so much. She is such a wonderful person and so is my Dad. They live in Oklahoma. I miss them both so very much. If the rest of my family wasn't up here, I would have already moved there. The next time I talk to my Mom, I will strongly encourage her to talk to the doctor about help with Dads anger. Thank you so much for the advice.

And you sound like a wonderful daughter Brenda.

Marci

caregiving can be very isolating...I'm glad that she has found the board. It is amazing how similar and how very different they are.

It is also good that you are able to visit from time to time. Can be nice to have the different family members come....so often the loved one once diagnosed never gets visitors due in part to their irratic behavior and "they won't know if I visit or not"---they may forget things but it is important to stay in touch. Mom may forget that I'm there on some days but it is important for me to be there for her and assist in any way I can. There are days I make the trip 3-4 times just depending on what is going on. I will be glad if and when this hiding/hording bit ever goes away. Currnetly me and my daughters are now playing the game with her---we hide stuff that she uses and at least someone knows the spot to look ---- it has saved a few trips back and forth.

brenda: you live in lakewood?---is that in tacoma or up around marysville?

riley, I live right next to Tacoma. Do you know where that's at? Do you live near here?

Brenda:

Tell mom just what you told us. That you want to give her a long, warm hug. You can convey a hug with sincere, spoken words. --Jim

nope I live by the other lakewood (I'm fairly sure that there is a lakewood area up her--although could be wrong)up north by marysville.

Is there an adult cay care that your Mom could drop your dad off at,,,at least a couple of days a week?
Also,,does your Dad qualify for respite care? If so,,,they also come in a couple of times a week,,or whatever amount of hours are allowed by the guidelines,,and that would really be nice for your Mom to get out and about for a couple of hours here and there,,without your Dad. She/you can check into that thru the senior resource center. Good luck,,,and many blessings to you and yours.

Hi, Jim, thanks for your reply, yes, I talk to my Mom every day and "hug" her. To me it's just not the same as being there. I miss them both very much.
Riley, Yes, there is a Lakewood up north. That's where a lot of the bad weather hit recently and the schools were out for so long, so I think it's a Lakewood school district.
Raven, I have been on line looking in LeFlore county, Oklahoma trying to find some sort of respite care that won't cost my Mom and Dad since they are on a very limimted income. So far they have a nurse that comes in and checks on Dad twice a week. I will try the senior resource center. Thanks for the information. All of you are such a blessing. Have a New Year that is filled with unexpected joy!!!