What do you think the depression rate is in caregivers? What medication do you feel works for us? Years ago I was started on a short course of paxil (related to my divorce)/ I took it for about 4 months, didnt notice any significant improvement and gained weight, so I came off them, Never felt like I needed them again. But lately I have been having an occassional pity party and i was wondering if it was depression. I am not one to take medication so would want to avoid it at all costs. Anybody else have pity partys? feelings of depression?

I have struggled with depression for over 20 years and had a couple of bouts of postpartum depression. I have been on Zoloft for years and for the most part it has helped me. However, having to place my parents in a NH and to deal with all of the agitation and anger from my father really laid me low at times. I felt like I had been shaken to my core.

I would guess that the depression rate in caregivers would be pretty high, especially if they don't get any real break from the situation.

The main thing that seems to trigger depression in me is if I get a call from the NH that Mom or Dad has suffered some type of setback or there has been an incident of some sort. When my father managed to get out of the secured dementia floor and ended up in the parking lot in the rain, that depressed me terribly.

Va bch kat, I suggest that you try to keep a log of your feelings. If you seem to be getting more depressed, or show other signs of depression, like overeating/not eating, wanting to sleep all the time, etc. then schedule a checkup with your doctor.

Another thing that has helped me is to take fish oil capsules every day. There is a recent finding that suggests that this helps to fight depression. You may want to check it out.

Hang in there and keep us posted!

hi, va bch kat, i would be willing to bet it is a very high rate. i'm not a care giver, but my mom is. to be honest with you i wish i had the opportunity to be at least part caregiver for my dad. he has delusions about me and hates me now, so i can't even be around him, or my mom. i am like you and do not like to take medicine reguarly, but restoril is a benzodiapine and it relaxes you. that is what i take occasionally. it can be addictive, but that has never been a problem for me, so it is a blessing. it is a prescription medicine of cource. i can take it about once or twice a week and it helps me far better than any antidepression medicine. hope this helps and i will keep you in my prayers.

I was at a caregiver workshop a few months ago. They said the odds of depression in a caregiver for someone with dementia is 2 - 3 times higher than the odds of depression for an average adult. Don't know what that number is, but our odds of developing depression are that much higher. This workshop was presented by the mental health team in our community.

Hi Kathy,,,its not a "pity party"!! Woman,,you're getting wore out,,you have a full schedule,,working and being a caregiver,,,its more stress than anything that is taking its toll on you.

I took Lexapro for anxiety/depression,,and like you with Paxil,,I didnt' notice any difference,,but did gain weight too,,,so I weaned off of it a couple of years ago.

You've got to know that all you do for others,,plus taking care of your Mom,,,plus with the "tree damages",,it tends to catch up to you all at once!

I have always had trouble sleeping since starting MENopause,,,but it really has paramounted most especially since Mom has taken ill.

I too am not a pill taker,,however I knew that I had to do something,,so I called my Dr and he gave me a script for Xanax to help me at night to sleep and ease the anxiety. It helps!!! Alot.

I don't take it every night,,cause when I can get a good nights sleep,,which for me is 6 hours,,,I feel so much better,,less anxious and depressed and good to go.

You know what I do,,,I sit down when I'm alone and nobody around to bother me,,and I write a list,,,I also write "nasty comments" on that list too,,,then I set it down and walk away for awhile. When I go back to it,,maybe the next day when I've had a low stress day,,and reread what I wrote and what comments I made,,and I see what I can change,,what I can't,,,and accept what has to be.

Not preaching here,,not my style,,but just a suggestion to you to see if it can help you too. If you were willing to be more specific with whats actually bothering you,,,maybe I could offer up some better specific answers to help,,however I certainly understand and don't want to pry.

You are a fabulous person in my book,,,you've helped me immensely with info on things about my Mom,,,I can't thank you enough. If you need to talk,,I'm just a call away. Hugs & Peace

Thanks for all of your thoughts, input, My schedule is truly overflowing and sometimes feel overwhelmed. How much more can I give. I have had her with me for the last 6 yrs. I think what may bother me most is this disease is beating me..by allowing it to "depress me " is like admitting to defeat, if I "place" her it is admitting to "defeat". I feel like I am the one losing this battle, Mom is clueless to the battle. so what happens is AD is stealing and defeating 2 lives. Mine and Moms except she doesn't know it.
I know I need a break..but its easier said then done. I keep running into brick walls. I get a brochure for Virginia Beach Respite..they tell me "I'm not sure we can provide what you need" all I want is one evening to do what I want every 4-8 weeks. I live in this house (what sucks now is my AC is down) and stare at the 4 walls when I am not working (again taking care of others)..what a life AD has dealt me.

again I am just having a pity party..hopefully the party will end soon...
thx again, YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST

I cannot imagine being in the position of care provider or care organizer and not being somewhat depressed. And when I read the posts from people who have their LO living with them, I am absolutely astonished that you can bring yourselves to get out of bed in the mornings!

I don't know your personal situation, but maybe you could check out some of the companies that provide home health aids. They might be able to have someone come to your place one night a month or so. They aren't cheap, but sometimes a little peace is priceless.

Kathy,,,there are other ALF's that offer respite vacation stays,,,,check into them. Many of them have a "secured wing" for people with dementia.

Call the local council on aging in your area,,or if you have the time,,go in there and ask to speak to one of their social workers. They are a wealth of info on several facilities.

And even speak to someone at the daycare that your Mom goes to,,they may have some great recommendations of facilities that some of their other "guests" live at.

Just also be sure to see if your moms daycare has a pick up and drop off,,so that you can place her for at least a "couple of weeks in respite.

You're going thru burn out big time,,,as every single caregiver does,,,you need a break,and more than just one day a month!!

You can take the money,,regardless of the cost,,out of your Mom's social security to help pay for her stay while you take a vacation. I don't care if you actually go out of town for a vacation,,or if you just sit home and sleep,,either way you'll be getting some undisturbed rest and will be able to come and go and "your own " pace.

Best of luck friend,,,I know you can find something that will make you feel comfortable,,and you'll be glad you did. Peace

No doubt about it. People going through troubled times and stress are more prone to depression than people experiencing relatively good times. --Jim

va bch kat,

You know yourself better than anyone. Personally, I don't think a "pity party" once in a while defines depression. But if you are having trouble sleeping, losing or gaining weight, crying A LOT, and generally feeling out of control of your emotions, you need to talk to your doctor. That was me last year when my mom slid quickly into stage 6. I'm on a very low dose of Zoloft and it has helped tremendously. It works on depression as well as anxiety. I was starting to worry about getting addicted to Ativan (although I didn't take it all the time). But if you just need something occasionally to help you relax, Ativan or Xanax can be very beneficial. Either way, if you are worried about it, a trip to your doctor may be in order.

You've been such a help to so many here, I hate to think of you struggling in this way.

Take care of yourself!
dj

va bch kat - I know where you are...I'm into 8 years of care. I also know what you mean about the "defeat" feeling and the brick walls. It's a horrible place to be, especially when the depression sets in. I am taking Xanax at night, Serzone at night, and Excedrin PM. Lately, I don't know it it's the depression or if I'm actually getting sick from stress, but waking up with headaches that don't go away all day, nausea, crying (I'm don't usually cry), and most days I wish God would just zap me off the earth...there are days I don't want to live but I somehow manage to pull out of that hole, thank God. It's scary, to feel defeated, to know you're losing your best friend (or I guess in the case of AZ disease, we lose more of them on a daily basis. I hope you can find some respite care and get a break. And you are admitting defeat with your mom - it's just part of the AD reality that it comes to a point where we can't do it all anymore, especially those of us who are prone to major depression and anxiety disorder, etc. I wish you peace...

Again thanks to all of you..

"Self diagnosing" my self here but I don't think I am experiencing "clinical" depression as the definition reads..just going thru periods of the blues, some anger, some resentment and just plain tired..
I was just wondering how prevelant depression is in caregivers. I don't think the "outside world" realizes that we are experiencing these feelings... how would they unless they walked a mile in our shoes..hell a foot in our shoes. friends "will ask hows your mom" when I tell them the latest of this rollercoaster ride..there response "ahhh bless her heart"..WHAT ABOUT ME..she is clueless I am not..I know I sound totally selfish here..but this is effecting me too...What about "how are you (meaning me)holding up" and then let me vent and listen to me..let me cry and scream if I need to..come and sit with her while I go catch a movie, go shopping, walk the beach..spend some alone time with BF.go to dinner...see just being selfish and feeling sorry for my self..
ok.. time to stop the rant

HHA to come and sit (and I mean literally sit) with her is chrging 20-30 $ an hour, these are nurses aids..that are charging this much. I (mom) can't afford it. The respite run by the city ( the one that doesnt know if they can provide me with services) charges by the hr but is income based and is reasonable. I have spoke to the ADC and they are the ones who recommended this respite.

Hi I have been taking anti depression med's prior to becoming the primary live in caretaker for my friends mother with AD. It's been going on 3 years, and sometimes my depression with the sad sitauation becomes a bit more than I can handle. I do keep myself on a self motivated program, such as getting out of bed and trying to ride my bike get out of the house, the most difficult is finding "friends" that on some level can relate to my situation. I attend a AD support group, and do journal as often as I can as to what the situational problems may be. I'll write later I have to go now but thanks for being there aand hope this helps someone out there. Kai

I am depressed a lot, pretty much every day, I might have a few moments of light-heartedness but it never lasts very long. I'm trying to take care of myself, eat right, walk, but doing the things I enjoy has fallen off the radar screen because of time constraints with full-time work and being a caregiver for my dad, and taking care of my home and family along with all that life throws my way. I've asked my doctor for a med to help but she won't do it, she says I'm not clinically depressed. Better to do yoga or tai chi, she says. I tried explaining to her that I don't have time in my day to do those things. So each day, I try to keep doing what I need to do to keep going. Things are much more bleak when I'm tired. I'm trying to find a way to do what I enjoy doing even if it is just for an hour, I haven't mastered the time management yet. It's a balancing act and most days, I'm off balance.

Kathy,,,give me a call tonite,,,once you get your Mom all settled in for the night. I"m here for you!! Hugs

VA, I started 50 mg of Zoloft in January and it was just what I needed. I still feel the full range of emotions, but I am better able to manage them. I'm pretty much of the mindset that "you will take my Zoloft when you pry my cold, dead fingers from them."
-Mary Ellen

I know what you mean, Mary Ellen, about the Zoloft. But I kind of think after this whole thing is over (dreading the thought), I will try to get off it. It has really helped, but I'd feel better if I was managing on my own.

I posted this on the other "depression" thread, and thought it may help here, too.
Caregiver Depression: A Silent Health Crisis

It is on the Family Caregiver Alliance Site. Read to the bottom, then go to the "Caregiving and Depression" fact sheet.

I can truly relate. I thought I can handle anything. I am 50 years old. My husband is 54 and was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. I have a daughter 15 and one 16. I work full time for 911. I have no help. It is all me. Finally, I went to the doctor and he put me on paxil and zanax. My husband is on Lexapro, Seroquil, Excelon and now Depakote. He has fits and screams and yells and cusses us out (never cussed before AD). He tells my daughters and I he hates us. I feel like running away from home on many days. I work from 7pm until 3am. My life is out of control. This disease is depressing for the patient and just as bad and at times much worse on my daughters and I. Many days I just feel like a worn out shoe. Not to make people more depressed but this AD is the worst. My husband hates his life. Being young he is aware he can't think straight or do anything he use to kow how to do. He can't talk to you and make since. He wonders around confused most of the day. Our lives are not like any other people. People we have known for years we never hear from. They act like they can catch AD or something.

Susan

Hi Va Bch Kat & Other Posters,

Depression is an insidious illness - it zaps you of your energy, and you can get to the point where it's a big deal to get out of bed and take a shower. Your mind feels like it's paralyzed because you can't concentrate and it's hard to make any decisions. It feels like you've been thrown into a black hole. I have found that being exhausted seems to exacerbate the feelings of depression. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work. I have had days that when I wake up, I feel "off" and I know that it's because the chemicals in my brain are out of whack. Women who are at risk for depression also have a tough time with it during their menstrual cycle and menopause - the varying hormone levels seem to set it off.

Most people do not understand that it's not just a matter of cheering up - I finally told my husband that my brain works differently than his before he finally began to understand!

Thank God for these boards - we all have to help each other stay afloat in this ongoing struggle to care for our LO's with AD and other dementias. Depression has been shown to be a major risk factor for heart disease and other illnesses.

When I was experiencing a major depression in 1986, I found a book called "Feeling Good - the New Talk Therapy" (I believe that is the title, but I could be wrong). The author said that when people are depressed, their minds are like a broken record - their inner voice keeps telling them what a failure they are, how worthless they are, etc. The way to break out of this is to say "STOP!!" to yourself whenever you realize that you are in this type of mindset. This made a lot of sense to me and it did help. I don't always remember to do this, but it was the best info that I ever came across.

My father has suffered with depression for almost 45 years. I often wonder if this is a risk factor for AD and other dementias. It's a scary thought.

We are all in this struggle against AD and depression together - no one on this board should ever feel alone because we would not be here if we didn't care about each other!!

I wish all of you the best and hope that my rambling on will help at least one person to feel better. Thanks for listening!

Thank you all..
Raven I didnt get back on last night to see your post..
Footballmom thanks for an excellent explaination of the deep black hole...
maebee what an excellent resource you have provided
I havent been on this site for that long and but was sure caregiver depression had been addressed already at some point. I was just needing to vent and thank-you for allowing me to. when i run in to brick walls i just start feeling like life is dealing me some bad cards..and go into pity party mode..i am starting to leave the party so will get back to my optimistic self.. My honey bought us some concert tix for July (2 different ones) and "I AM GOING" come hell or high water I will find someone to watch her.
thnaks again..luv u guys or as we say in the south y'all (been here 22 yrs still cant bring myself to say it..lol)

quote:

Originally posted by va bch kat:
What do you think the depression rate is in caregivers? What medication do you feel works for us? Years ago I was started on a short course of paxil (related to my divorce)/ I took it for about 4 months, didnt notice any significant improvement and gained weight, so I came off them, Never felt like I needed them again. But lately I have been having an occassional pity party and i was wondering if it was depression. I am not one to take medication so would want to avoid it at all costs. Anybody else have pity partys? feelings of depression?

I have actually found this Message Board to be the best medicine for my depression. Yes, I am taking something for my depression, but this has been the best thing in the world for me since I have joined I may be able to start cutting my dosage in half again

Speaking of pity parties, you need to visit this post. It definitely will cheer you up

http://alzheimers.infopop.cc/e...14102241/m/769107031

When I lived with my Mom as a full time, live-in caregiver for my Mom who has AD I became quite depressed. It got so bad when I woke up I wish I hadn't. I think you all can relate.

Then I had to place her (I basically collapsed physically for I was the only caregiver) and moved to another state to join back with my husband.

It took about a year but I no longer wake up depressed every morning. There is something about being with the disease, day-in, day-out that just wears you out. I was past exhausted all the time and my life was her life was managing AD all day and night long.

Now I manage her affairs long distance and visit twice to three times a year. I still feel a variety of feelings in regards to this but it is now a variety of feelings. I can actually feel other feelings now! And sometimes I actually feel happy, can you imagine that!

I do alot to improve my mood as well, such as exercise, meditation and trying to get my life back on line.

No doubt about it, this disease will swallow you whole if you let it. For me, the answer was long term care to save both of us. Thank God for the care home she is in for they are one of the better ones and if it wasn't for that option we'd have been sunk.

I have had a history of depression for 33 years. I feel very confident (after working with my psychiatrist) that my current coctail of anitdepressants is the best combination for me. That is when I'm not a caretaker! Now that I am a caretaker at home, my need for a periodic tranquilizer has increased considerably. I have a precription for Diazipam 5mg daily prn. In the past, that has been very adequate. Lately, I'm finding that I need 10-15mg a day. I can't give my mother more Seroquel because she will only sleep and that's less time I have to get her to eat and drink fluids.

BTW, a nursing how is out of the question as a family rule.

My 95yr old mother is very easy compared to what I have read. Also she is content and not depressed.
So why should I have stress? Oh I have it and big time. This has been the hardest job of my life. And then life kept throwing new crap.

I've been with mom since '91, but she became dependent on me since around '02. I became 24/7 in 2004. But then in 2007 I got cancer and had to have surgery. So the stress spiked through that. The surgical incision tore apart and required wound care for 5 mos., again spiking the stress levels more. Once that was healed, two hernias were needed to be surgically repaired, fortunately laproscopic. Then diabetes was found. And now the hernia has to be repaired again.
I'm sure that all these things would have happened whether I was caregiving or not, but it just added to the stress.
I have not gone to a doctor for stress. I don't know if meds would've helped through this. I just have a real issue with drugs and chemicals for me, so it isn't a way that I would go.

This is also why I suggest to caregivers that have difficult family members, usually siblings, to let it go. Trying to change them to something they don't want to be, will only add to the caregiver's stress. It just isn't worth it.

For me finally getting back on a treadmill is helping me feel better. And when the weather gets better, I look forward to taking mom out in the sun in her wheelchair.
Fresh air and sun does help the body, mind and stress.

Hi All,
I am new to the site....have read some seriously great posts so far.....re depression...I feel depression is the result of a "great sadness"....that takes over the heart...I have been a caregiver for 11 years....and live with the sadness ....deep inside of me.....up to this point...no meds ...but watch how I eat/exercise/couselling services/and pray alot.....bottom line....don't think we need to feel badly or guilty for feeling "depressed"................! thanks for allowing me to share....Ambey

I am not a doctor, just sharing my personal experience as I have had depressions and anxiety for sometime. The best way to get over anxiety and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. You can have all necessary information about this on http://www.xanax-effects.com Xanax is one of those medicines which help in relieving anxiety and depression, but this medicine should only be used for small duration as this is habit forming drug and sometimes the withdrawal symptoms can be more depressing. The withdrawal from this medicine is a slow and gradual process rather than abrupt. Xanax works by slowing down the nervous system and hence relieves anxiety.

I forgot to mention what I learned at an Alzheimer's Caregiver Support Group....
A woman would go to garage sales and buy cheap dishes. And whenever the stress got too much, she would go outside and start breaking dishes.

Unfortunately I did not take this advice last Oct when my useless brother was home. He got up and started his day with a walk while I had to do my usual bathe mom, dress mom, do laundry, change sheets, make breakfast and take a bath. He asked before he went on his walk if we could go out when I was done.
as he walked out the door for his walk, I took the kitchen door and slammed it into the counter a whole bunch of times until the door was in pieces and ripped off of the frame.

Of course he asked what happen to the door and I said that it broke.

But when I had to care for mom and do all the work, I wasn't a raging wild woman, I was calm. And actually we all went out afterwards and I was calm and pleasant.

quote:

Originally posted by Ambey:
Hi All,
I am new to the site....have read some seriously great posts so far.....re depression...I feel depression is the result of a "great sadness"....that takes over the heart...I have been a caregiver for 11 years....and live with the sadness ....deep inside of me.....Ambey

Yes, deep sadness. : )
Well put.

Oh God Anita *laughing so hard* that's AWESOME!!!
Since I have no screen doors I will have to go the yard sale dishes approach. Brilliant!!!

Anita, I have been laughing so hard about the door. I don't have much of a temper but I could see myself doing that too.
One time when my kids were small and I had been up a few nights in a row with them my mother-in-law came over and told me how I should be keeping my house cleaner because her son hadn't grown up in a dirty house. I was so angry that I took every ornament and gift she had ever given me and broke them or ripped them into the garbage. My house was actually cleaner with all that stuff out of the way!!!and I felt better too.

Anita, thanks for the laugh. Needed it. One day a friend of mine who does mosaics invited me to her studio to "help". Mind you I don't have an artistic bone in my body. She's a wise woman and handed me a hammer type thing to break up the glass, dishes, tiles and other stuff she had for her mosaics. I went on so long she'll have stuff for her mosaics for months!

Best therapy of all!!!

Anita & Patcor,

LOL at both of you! Too funny! I'm also a slamming doors, breaking things kind of girl. I can soooo relate!

dj

Hey Virginia Friend,
Just read this post. I have been on a pity party myself lately. Today was especially hard. Is it depression? I do not know but we all have the right to feel down once in a while. None of this is easy. Never will be. When you get a chance go to Greenies in Ocean View and eat a lb of shrimp.

Phyllis and Roger

ttt