Read message "FIL home from Florida."
Long story short...
Wednesday: MIL calls my hubby to ask where the keys are, FIL wants them...(I gave them to her and told her to hide them). She said she put them on the counter and they dissappeared. Hubby talks to his dad. Dad thinks we have the keys, Hubby explains to him we don't have the keys...FIL needs to go to DR. Friday said MIL had appointment... Hubby hands me the phone...I tell FIL I could take him to the dr. as someone should go with him because he doesn't remember...he said he has them write everything down...He asks me for the keys...I tell him I don't have the keys but I didn't want him to drive anyway...but I DON'T have the keys.
MIL gets on phone, says she doesn't have appointment...I again tell her he shouldn't drive and to ask the dr. to tell him that. She said she would handle it...ok.
MIL calls Thursday AGAIN asking for the keys...Dad still thinks I have them. Again I am the bad person...Tired of being the bad bit*h as that is what MIL thinks...longer story.
Had "talk" with hubby last night...Big fight...I am done worrying...(I hope I can do this). I will take care and help MIL with FIL but I am not...I repeat...I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED. I told hubby to "step up to the plate" and have a talk with HIS mom...He blew up...I know he has tried before and she doesn't listen to him but It his MOM. He has a brother who can help him talk some sense in her...maybe.
Anyway...as far as I go I am not getting involved. It hurt that dad thinks I am the bad person...I told hubby I am tired of being the bitc* to the family. NO MORE.
There that is my venting...
Raven: now we will see how much the others step up to the plate. If FIL drives...and so far he hasn't, and he gets in accident...so be it...I tried.
Jan

Aww, Jan. It's so hard, especially when you feel you are everyones scapegoat. When I had the issue with my Dad I had siblings, and Dad's friends all helping or at least supporting from afar. The real saving grace was when my eldest got his license (and he was so, so close to Grandpa) he'd either offer to drive (for practice, or he'd say how much he likes driving), or conveniently son had to borrow the car.

Now with my husband, we keep telling him since his doc diagnosed his AD the meds he takes have to be tested over time. Meanwhile he cannot drive until doc gives the go-ahead. Then, like you, we've had the permanently "lost keys." DH was getting lost looking for familiar places so he dramatically cut back driving on his own, so when the doc said "don't drive" it wasn't as hard of an issue for us.

The most important thing is to have the doc back you up.

MIL is in charge of him now. And always has been. She is such a difficult woman...she has acutally encouraged him to drive. I just have to let it go. I really don't think any of his kids GET it. Nobody has been around him since winter...I flew to florida and drove them home. I saw first hand what he is like and how much he has gone downhill in the last 3-4 months. So sad.

Sounds to me as though MiL may have a touch of dementia as well. :/

I remember when my dad (with vascular dementia) decided that my stepmom should "test drive" the car after we brought it back from the shop one day. He knew he wasn't supposed to drive so he told her that she had to. Problem was... she has AD and was even WORSE off than he when it came to driving.

Anyway, the car disappeared when I went inside the house and when they got back there wasn't a panel on the car that wasn't damaged... including the top! Bent frame too! Totaled the car. Solved two driving problems with one dive into a bar ditch. I am soooo thankful that no one was hurt.

I too had told myself I was done worrying. And I tried really hard to convince myself I did not care. It did not work.

I was also concerned about my MIL driving. I looked on my state's website and after much digging find out what agency I needed to report my concerns to.

I wrote a letter and two weeks later MIL recieved a letter stating she needed to go to a Dr. for evaluation.

I made sure I was as objective as possible in voicing my concerns in the letter. I wrote about the different behaviors that made me concerned about her driving.

I let my DH know I was sending the letter and then sent it.

I found that even though I felt that my MIL's other family members (my DH) should have written the letter no one did.

You do not have to have a diagnosis to write a letter of concern to the state. As far as I know any complaints/concerns that are received are confidential.

You might want to consider this option with your FIL. You might also want to try to get your MIL to the Dr. for an apt for her.

Jan,,,,I am so proud of you ,,,I'm just popping at the seams!!! You go girl!! In fact,,go a step or two further,,,as much as you love your FIL,,,don't do a thing to help him and MIL.

Since MIL is anal about being the "Head Honcho" about things,,,let her,,,then let your hubby step up to the plate or not. Its his problem.

When you want to win the ballgame,,,ya gotta play hardball! So you be strong,,,and take care of you....In fact,,why dont' you book yourself a nice day at a dayspa! Spoil yourself,,you deserve it. Get a facial,,,a massage,,,a pedicure and manicure,,get your hair done,,get your makeup done.

Then after all that,,,call one of your girlfriends up and go out for a nice dinner and have pleasant conversation. No conversation about hubby,,or his parents,,this is a nice evening out for you to enjoy,,,cause you deserve it. Hugs and Peace