Help! Next Friday I will leave for Florida to see my Mom, who is in an ALF, and do some business on her behalf. My problem is that my Mother constantly yells at me. She definitely has dementia and maybe even alzheimer's. I want to get her evaluated so I know what stage she is in. I also need to know exactly what I can do with my DPOA, I just have the one which I thought was supposed to cover all situations. Can I keep her from leaving the ALF; from going to her condo; from marrying anyone she wants to; what if she does send the police to kick me out of her condo?; can I move her to Illinois and find a place up here for her so I won't have to travel 1,000 miles a few times a year? All of her paperwork is up to date and her money goes to paying all of her bills.

Her symptoms basically is that she is mean and nasty; she wants to shop or have others buy her things; she continually says she is going to call the police on me because I am spending all of her money; she wants to marry her male nurse because he makes her laugh before he gives her her insulin, (he doesn't come around unless there is not another nurse to give her her insulin). Then there is the fact that she doen't always make the correct decisions for herself. I was told that they try to keep her away from the front door because she asks everyone who comes in the door if they will take her to the store and she will pay them $10 an hour; her daughter is stealling all of her money; she is a millionaire; etc. She gets very loud as she is saying all of these things because she is deaf in one ear.

I know alot of you have this problem of yelling, screaming, being nasty, etc. I have tried to change the subject, not answer her, talk quietly to her, etc. When she starts yelling I tell her I will leave if she doesn't lower her voice. Then after a while I leave. She doesn't understand logic, so I will not stand there and have a discussion with her. When she is on the war path that's all there is. Unfortunately, I cannot stand the yelling. It doesn't matter if she is alone with me or in a crowded room, she says and does what she wants, when she wants.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Angelll,
maybe you've already tried this, but I'd let
Mom know as soon as she sees you that you're
there to do some things and you'd appreciate it
if she could not yell and scream while you're there.
Of course that may just send her into a tailspin.
The reason I suggest it though is my Dad also has
combative moments, but its almost like he knows who
NOT to get combative with. (most men, etc.) Since
we can't ever know just how much our LO's know whats
going on in any given situation, I think we need to
treat them as though they CAN understand what we're
saying. Maybe if you let Mom know in a matter of fact
way, that you won't be putting up with her yelling and
screaming, that might be the push to make her NOT do it.
And of course, I could be WRONG!! Either way, good luck,
I hope things go more smoothly than you're expecting.
Take care!

I would contact the local Adult Protective Services,,and explain the situation,,and see if they can intervene and get her examined by a good board certified nuerologist.

Then if that can happen,,,you should immeiately apply for guardianship/conservator.

Plus,,if she starts yelling and hollering at you when you get there,,,look her square in the eye and tell her if she continues this type of behavior,,,you will leave and never put up with her hollering again.

But if you are the only child,,or the only one that bothers with her,,legally you have to do something,,NOW. Otherwise believe me,,one of her aides,,or neighbors will step in and rip her off of every single bit of finances she does have. It happens more often then alot of people realize.

Not easy,,,I know,,and I also know that its especially hard when you have to travel a distance to see her and try to take care of matters. Your best bet is to go the legal route to get things settled. I wish you well. Peace