I got a call from my sister last night, you know the crazy one. Well, she actually sounded halfway normal. Maybe she is taking her meds again. We put mom's house on the market and this has stirred up the pot a bit I guess. My sister told me that my estranged brother wants us all to get together to "discuss". Well, now I'm LMAO. My brother has had nothing to do with my mom or me in over 5 years. He knew mom's condition. I wrote him a brief letter to inform him. Now dig this, I had to send it to his office because I don't even know his address or phone number. He never reponded. No big suprise there. His wife is a mentally unstable sociopath. She is pathologically obsessed with him and does not let other females near him...not even family members. He is too much of a wuss to stand up to her. Gotta keep her happy to keep the peace. He told my mom 5 years ago that he was breaking off ties with her because he couldn't handle his wife's anger. So this guy is the special agent in charge of a metropolitan FBI office. He's tough guy on the job, but P*^&y whipped at home. If only his colleagues knew, they would laugh him out onto the street. So anyway, I told my sister that there was nothing to discuss. Mom is doing very well and everything is all taken care of. I asked her why her brother (I no longer claim him) is just now feeling interested? Is he worried about some inheritance? There probably won't be much left after paying for mom's care over the next however many years. I am placing the money from the sale of mom's house in a trust through her lawyer and it will be administered by a trustee. The house is mom's only real assett. In her will she has left my estranged brother her Rosenthal china. She left jewelry to my sister and me. Anything else is to be split 3 ways. My nephew and his wife are cleaning mom's house out. They will take and store any items of value. I trust my nephew totally. He doesn't do anything without checking with me first. He has been a God send to me. SO anyway, I told my sister to tell my brother that I am not interested in "discussing". All of the decisions have already been made. Oh, and get this. My Uncle Fritz in Germany spoke with my brother. My brother told him that he thought that mom would be better off in a nursing home. What a creep. He just doesn't want to deal with the guilt that he has done nothing for her. This guy is a walking scrooge! I highly question his motives of wanting to get involved now. I told my sister that he can talk to mom through her attorney. I am not going to get mom all worked up and upset. We finally have her somewhat content. I have DPOA and mom's attorney has a letter from her neuropsychiatrist stating that she is not capable of making her own decisions. I'd like to see him try to intervene. Any judge would laugh him out of the courtroom having had no contact with mom in five years. And if he tries to use his FBI connections to gain leverage, I will expose him for abuse of the powers of his office. All I can say is don't screw with me, cause I'm ready for you! I used to be much more forgiving, but I have been burned too many times. Burned once shame on you, burned twice (or 100 times) shame on me! Am I wrong to be so harsh and vindictive? If I am, please tell me honestly. I just don't want to be a fool again. Fran

This is a horrible disease, but one thing it does do is force the caregiver to become stronger and learn what life's priorities are. maplesyrp, you have grown so much in the time you have been with us. All I can say is...

"You GO, girl!!"

Maple: First, I love the way you tell the tale. It's so conversational. Great writing.

Second, I am so proud of you and your strength. You seem to be thinking so clearly! I admire you. I do not think you are being mean or vindictive. You are totally correct. Period.

I actually think your brother is registering regular, normal guilt, and his sudden intervening is his way of assuaging it. But do not worry. It won't last. He does not have the psychological power to follow through.

Nuff said. As NDuke says: YOU GO GIRL!

Hi Fran,

Yeah, don't let them mess with you.

Just a short while ago you were losing it big time. It's nice to see things settling down with you Mom and with You.

Hope you've been able to enjoy the summer. It's so short up here in the Northcountry. Take good care of yourself.

Hi,Fran,
Way to go! As caregivers,we must make the correct decisions for our
LO's. We cannot waver due to vague threats of intervention by not so well intended relatives.....who are clueless! I'm proud of your strength.
"Don't tug on Superman's cape,don't spit in the wind and don't mess with
our Fran!!"
If you need me to teach you some kickboxing moves,let me know.LOL

Hang tough,Fran!
Shirlee

Oh Fran..You are neither harsh or vindictive..you are taking care of business in a very efficient and manageable way.

That big heart of yours is still helping you make decisions in your mom's best interest so GOOD FOR YOU FRAN..I wish you continued success.

OOOHHH FRAN,,,,IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! I'm so glad that ya pulled up your panty hose,,and took the bull by the horns and let your nutty sister know just the way it is,,and the same for your useless PW brother too!!

What an absolute brilliant idea that you had the attorney set up a trustee to pay for your Mom's care,,,smart choice Cookie!!

The only thing I would also recommend to you is,,,make sure that you get a statement showing every year just what the trustee has actually spent of your Mother's money. I'm sure that the lawyer and trustee both get a small cut fee for doing this.

Either way,,its worth it,,you got yout butt covered and your Mom is well cared for,,and well advocated for by you. I personally thing you are "WONDERFUL". Peace

Bravo, Maple, bravo!!! I agree w/ the others;
you aren't being harsh OR vindictive. You have
justified anger over the fact that your brother
hasn't had anything to do w/ your Mom for 5 yrs.
You've done very well putting everything in
order. Give yourself a well deserved pat on the
back!!