I'm in the kitchen, in a busy day after three hours sleep after working three 12 hr night shifts back to back. Busy with a load of undone housework, company coming tomorrow. Evening planned pretty much down to the minute, so much to do.
Anyway, I hear Mom's voice in the other room. I ask my husband if Mom's talking to him; no, apparently the phone rang - I didn't hear it - and my son answered it; it was my BIL calling to tell Mom he and my sister are picking Mom up for dinner at 5:30. I only know that because I called my BIL to ask what Mom was talking about, when she fretted about not feeling well enough to go out ( this is standard for Mom, she needs time to work up to an outing).
Is it too freakin' much to ask to expect to be TOLD you're picking Mom up? You think Mom's gonna tell me? And a little more notice would be useful. I just happen to have bathed her and set her hair just now; but after three straight nights of work, that's not a safe thing to assume. And before I did that, Mom was looking pretty punk, unfit to go out for dinner, fersure.
This sister has never been good at communication - let me rephrase, she's always been really BAD at it; but I resent being treated like the hired help. I can't help notcing she never calls to say "I'm coming over in an hour to give Mom a bath and do her laundry", it's always "Have Mom ready in an hour".
I've considered just leaving the getting Mom ready for her when she gets here, but Mom frets so much about getting ready to go out, and it's unkind to her to use her as a blunt object with which to clobber my sister.
I mean, it's nice she's taking Mom out; I'm not the Gatekeeper, I'm not telling her to get my permission to take Mom out. But if I'd known this say, last night, or this morning, or by noonish, even, I could have scheduled my day of labors so I could really make use of the time without her to best advantage.
I'm venting now. I'm blowing off steam so I can be constructive when talking to my sister. SHe's in some ways like a big dumb puppy; you can't be subtle with her, you have to firmly and lovingly CLOBBER HER with what you need to say. Repeatedly.
SHe's not going to change. We've been struggling with this with her for years; my other sister runs the family business with her, Godluv'er, it's driving her bonkers, too.

ICRG,

That is just rediculous!!!! And totally unacceptable. Next time she tries to pull a stunt like that, all her back and tell HER when mom will be ready to go and if that ain't good enough she can bloody well get her a$$ over there and help her mom get ready herself.

Sorry for the counter rant but that cr@p just burns my biscuits.

Good evening....

come vent and blow off steam anytime..we are all good listeners...


three 12 hours shifts in a row...you are quite a woman...and that being said.....choose not to let your sister upset you...do not give her that power over you....

may I suggest....make sure the front door is locked when they arrive...let her ring the bell for awhile...teach her patience...tolerance..I have found in life sometimes we have to teach others how to treat us...and sometimes non verbal responses are best...and if she complains ....no one opened the door fast enough...just look at her and say nothing...she will get the message...and you did not have to say one word....and you can be smiling to yourself....thinking if she had called before and let others know she was coming...as a courtesy.....you would have been expecting them.....and my favortie saying concerning this issue is....."failure to plan ahead on their part does not constitute on emergency on your part"

TGIF...enjoy your weekend.. try to keep a sense of humor...it gets me through..hope it works for you....love Rosie

I agree! Don't let family members run over you!! Set up rules and make them stick by them.

Boy, do I know where you're coming from. My brother is the same way. He'll call and say he'll be here at 1pm to pick up her, and then not show up until 3pm.