I just spent the weekend cleaning out mom's old apartment. She moved to ALF a few months ago, then to nursing care a week ago. I delayed because I was thinking of moving her to a memory care facility closer to where I live, and wasn't sure where to put the furniture. But the disease is moving faster that I am, it seems.

I have known she had dementia since November of 2006 - when my dad died her problems became a lot more apparent. Going through the papers - tons of papers! - I got a much clearer idea that the disease has been around for a much longer time. She has been saving junk mail that says "do not throw away" since around 2002. (Well, she saved lots of other junk mail, too.)

Right about the time I was almost fed up, I found a real gem.

Mom met dad in 1944 in New York. They both worked for the FBI. Dad was an agent and mom was a steno (remember them?). Tucked away in a corner was an old slip of paper - and FBI form where agents gave typing instructions to the steno pool. There was a note from dad to mom that read "That is a beautiful dress you are wearing today." (What a flirt!) Alongside it was a letter from J. Edgar Hoover dated 1945congratulating them on their marriage.

All the "poor me's" of 3 days of cleaning melted away. When I saw mom later that day I mentioned it (she can remember the 1940s OK) and she said, "Yes, and I never did understand why you didn't frame that letter!" (She thinks I'm my dad. I've learned to play along OK.)

I dunno. This disease is usually about bad news all the time. I found a bright spot, even if it only lasted a little while.

Hi Zheeeem

It is so good you found a bright spot..in your day at the old apartment..that made you smile..and know..Love Lived there..

may the gem..be a reminder..of a special moment in time.. your parents shared..in their Life together..

and now you are the keeper of that memory..still..with your mom..absolutely beautiful.Namaste Love Rosie

Hi Zeeeem,
I want to thank you so much for sharing your story on this board. It is one of the special moments you will always remember.

And, your attitude with your Mom is great. Keep up those good feelings and they will help you through the toughs.

Zheeeem,

How cute! Thank you so much for sharing. I hope it made you smile and remember good things!

Zheeem, what a beautiful story. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I also recently did the "cleaning out" of my mother's apartment (although my aunt and uncle did most of it) and it is such a hard task. I was looking through a box of photos (not in albums) in her apartment and there were a bunch of old photos from when she was a child and when she and my father first got married. Those are such precious memories.

I love hearing stories about the lives of our loved ones from years ago. It's so important for us to remember and learn of how they lived their lives when they were healthy.

Make sure you scan that letter and save it. I scanned all the old photos and made an online photo album. It's hard for me to look at without tearing up, but I still love to look at it.

Make that bright spot last the rest of your life. And find some more. I'm sure they are there. --Jim

That was a beautiful bright spot to a devistating disease!!

I can relate to cleaning out a home, as I've gone into 8 weeks of reading notes and cleaning up junk all over this 3500 sq ft home mother live in for 20 yrs. Wow the things I've found and articles she saved and notes she wrote. After reading the notes I can truly understand that she was needing help. Her way of getting help was to write down her thoughts of how difficult to keep up her finances, clean out her home and/or get contractors to help with siding. Very sad for me as didn't see this until the last year. In the end mom is now in a safe and very nice environment at new ALF.

Hope you find more treasures as I've found many during my months of cleaning.

Best to you~

While going through my mother's papers I too realized that she needed help before I knew there was something REALLY wrong. I am trying to stop kicking myself for that.

I wish I could post a photo on here. I was looking at my online photo album and I have this wonderful photo of my grandmother holding my mother when she was two months old.

What a TREASURE to have found! It's nice to sometimes sit and dig through Mom's boxes of things that I have at my house. No matter how many times I've been through them, I almost always find "something" that I have not noticed before that makes me say "awwwwwww".

I'm never too uplifted after a visit to my mom in the NH. They do a great job and all. It's just hard. Anyway, thank you for your wonderful story. It made me smile. Made my day.

Like many others, cleaning out my mom's place made me realize that she needed help long before I caught onto the fact.