Well, I received a list of people who are caretakers through Macomb County Senior Services this week and am trying to find time to begin interviews etc. My SIL came up with a lady from church who came highly recommended from a friend but is of a different race and I know this will be an issue with mom who is 93 and set in a totally different generation than mine. I feel guilty about this, but I know for this whole caretaking thing to work I need for HER to feel comfortable with someone and I know if it were Christ himself, that if she's not comofortable with the individual it won't work. I wish this wasn't the case since this lady came very highly recommended, but at 93 mom is just too set in her ways for me to expect her to change. The other thing I'm struggling with is trying to find an honest, decent person that we can count on. Any suggestions for types of questions to ask, experiences to share or how you found a decent caretaker? Right now mom is in the early stages of AD. She recognizes people, takes care of herself independently but I need assistance in making sure that she is taking her meds, eating meals and finding someone to provide companionship and interaction, running errands and to apptmts when I can't. Since I'm pretty much in this by myself, I guess I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed.
I'm just a little leary about just picking a name off a list since the Sr Services says only that "they've not had any complaints on any of the individuals on their list." Is it better to pay more and go through an agency instead?
I'm also curious to see how you addressed the discussion with mom about "having someone come in a few days a week" to visit and monitor her well being, run some errands with her and get her out? She is so independent and proud, I know that this will be a battle, but I worry since she hasn't had some of her meds refilled for thyroid and has lost 6 lbs in 6 mos that she's not eating.
As an end note, I had extra garage door openers added to her house since when she deadbolts the front door we can't get in. I gave one to my brother, mom of course and we have one as well. I intend to give one to the caretaker too. Since she is hard of hearing but won't get an aid, I'm changing out her telephone to one with a louder ringer and amphilication of the headset since she worries us when she doesn't hear the phone. I am trying to avoid AL until we have to go that route since she can function pretty well and would have this individual come out perhaps 3-4 times per week in the afternoon and maybe even get her to the Senior Day Care center once in a while, to a standing day to get her hair done at the salon or if she's willing to go visit some friends at the bowling alley she used to bowl at. (she quit bowling and golfing 1.5 yrs ago after she fell).
Anyhow, I'm rambling a bit now, but need some guidance and direction. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Diva

Diva,

This is always a big concern allowing a stranger into your home you can trust and one your LO will feel comfortable with in the home. If you feel LO will not like a person according to their skin color, you bet I'd mark them off the list no matter how well qualified they might be for their occupation. You'd be dealing with questions from LO on why they won't allow her in again....don't go there!

Might I suggest asking around to friends/contacts who have used an in-home care service. They can be your ears and eyes to refer good person to be in your home.

Call ALZ helpline for list of in-home facilities in your area. I obtained a list 2 yrs ago and called approx 10 on the list. Narrowed it down to 5 and setup home interviews before I hired them. We did find one, but had issues with the people being different each day of the week.....very confusing for FIL with dementia. I then contacted friends who used services and obtained names that way....the latter was our best option.

Best to you~

I had lots of trouble when trying to find a home aide. They all seemed very nice and agreed to whatever I asked but when push came to shove, it just didn't work.
My suggestion, no matter who you choose is find a way to check up on the person during the day. Use a nanny cam, "spy" on her and do it often.
I went through 5. One didn't show up, one let her walk out the door, one didn't feed her, one didn't change her (she is/was incontinent), one slept most of the day.
I literally pretended to leave and hid out. I was appalled at what I found. My mom could not have told me anything.
I know there are good caretakers but my experience was not very good. I ended up placing her in a small private home because I had to go back to work full time and could not wait any longer or would have had to file bankruptcy.
I know you will get other advice and positive help from others here. Sorry mine was not positive.

quote:

Originally posted by jazzy1:
Diva,
I also have checked out Care.com. I like that you can see a picture of the individual, post back and forth and that they do a background check. Your right--this is a tough thing. I tried to explain to my SIL that a good fit is key to this--sort of like you had a personal preference to a male or female aid. How did you go about the interviews? What types of questions did you ask? I need to do something soon on this I am pretty much in this by myself since my brother and SIL only do a bare minimum for mom--the tough stuff goes to me. Plus I'm a full time career woman who works 50 plus hours and travels for a living. I love mom, but I can't do all of this by myself.
Appreciate any thoughts. We had also used a caretaking group during mom's recoup after her accident--I like you didn't like that there were different people coming in to take care of her and one woman even brought her grandson!
Thanks in advance, Diva

Best to you~

Diva,

Questions I asked were just general such as their rates, what they do when at the residence, etc. Mainly on costs, etc. I would not recommend this route as no matter what type of pictures you see of staff and how good they tell you they are, you truly do not know. You then have no comfort that Mom is being taken care of properly, as you're away doing your job. Only know from experience of others who've used them. In our case even with FIL with dementia, his wife was very with it and could see thru the staff coming and going. In the end, this agency had issues even when I had the interview.

I'd still try to ask friends, etc, who might have used a service. Go with that and find one that someone would HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

I'm sure someone on this message board has additional suggestions. Sorry not more helpful but at least have gotten you to think on the subject a bit more. Not easy is it?

Good luck~

Hi, I'm going through the beginning stages of this with my MIL, who does not have AD but it getting up there in years and wants to remain in her home. However, based on my experience with my own ADLO, finding good in-home care for early stage AD folks is difficult. The ADLO may not be aware that anything is wrong with her so she isn't really receptive to offers of assistance. My ADLO acquiesced in the hiring of an agency person because when I started it she understood that I needed her to agree to it for my peace of mind. And then it just became routine. The person I had was honest, good-hearted and reliable, but she was not ever going to be effective in an emergency and did not have the skills to guide my ADLO into cooperating in bathing, washing clothes, changing the bedding, etc. In the end, I was simply grateful that I had in place an eyewitness to any deterioration that I needed to know about. My ADLO is now in ALF and the problem remains; the staff is not skilled in dealing with AD but at least I know my ADLO is safe and fed and I do the personal care stuff because she's unaware that she needs help and won't cooperate with anyone but me. [OT rant: The whole sorry subject of effective caregivers for AD is really a travesty. It's like the lack of regard for the important work we expect of elementary schoolteachers but we don't want to pay them for the level of service we expect. Same with caregivers of our ever-growing elder population. End of OT rant ]

The agencies cost more but you'll have the benefit of a middleman who has insurance and will have done background checks on people; and, if you want to replace the caregiver they do the dirty work. But as for differences in the quality of people between those you find yourself and those who come through agencies, I'm dubious. The agency folks are getting maybe 50% of the fee so they're essentially low-skilled workers who are willing to do important work for $8 or $9 an hour. You really have to invest some time and accept that you may cycle through several folks before you find a keeper. I'm sure they are out there and hopefully you will find that person sooner rather than later.

You might contact your local Alzheimer's Assoc. office. Often they have very good referrals and sometimes, even though they're not supposed to, you will read between the lines and understand that they are emphasizing a person on the referral list that is particularly good. Other than than, reach out in the community through your church or doctor's office, Alzheimer's support group meetings, etc. Good luck, Beth in SC