Hi I'm Curley or better known to my husband as Curley Shirley.
I may be banned if I give my full details but here goes, I have been a carer, having had my Dad and Grandmother with AD, as well as pastoral care of folks with dementia in our work in Pastoring a church.
I am an Aussie and now have EOAD.
As well I am now president of DASNI another site which offers support to people with dementia and their care partners.

Curley,
My goodness I admire you so much. Why in the world would you be banned? You have seen Alzheimer's as a carer and as an Alzheimer's patient. I cannot imagine anyone who knows more about the disease than you. I'm so glad you are here with us.

My name is Mary.

My mother died March 11th from a long battle with lung cancer. I miss her so much! Me & my three sisters have been thrown into the role of caring for my father with alzheimers. My mother did everything for him. He has a 8th grade education so teaching him things at this point is impossible. He is able to be at home for several days at a time alone. Can still function well. We have meals-on-wheels and simple things he can take out of fridge for his other meal. We are all 1 hour away and are in a in-between stage with him. We wonder how much longer he will be able to remain at home. I have three teens. We have had a challenging year. My wonderful father-in-law who had dementia fell from a ladder in Aug. and was in coma then passed away. My mother-in-law is very ill in hospital with sepsis and pneumonia. How many losses can you take in a years time? Sorry this was so long.

I am 30 and from the northeastern part of the US. I am devastated by my father's recent diagnosis and exhausted emotionally already. I love this site and spend hours reading everyone's advice. I am married with no children.

Hi, I am Linda. My husband, Bob, has EOAD. He was diagnosed at age 52 and is now 56. Our only daughter Dawn (age 36) cared for her dad while I worked for the last few years. She has been a god-send to me. I retired from my job in January of this year as it just got to be too much to handle woking full time and being the care giver nights and weekends. I am now 24X7 and Bob has progressed to stage 6. Bob has one brother and one sister that live close but sadly, they don't ever call or do anything to help. I have six brother and three sisters. Fortunatley, we are a close family and my family does lend a hand.

My name is Ann K. I'm in my early 50's and I'm new to the site. I joined in April. I live in Tampa Bay Florida. My father was killed by a drunk driver in Aug. 2003 and my mother has Picks disease. I've gone through the darkness, darkness I've ever known. When I discovered this site it was my salvation.
Ann K.

To The Top

Just call me Paper Doll. I'm in my 30s and live in Central FL. I am a systems analyst by day, wife and "mom" to a pair of lovebirds by night, and 3 days a week I am caregiver to my mother (in her 70s) who has AD.

I've posted but never formally introduced myself. I'm Lori, 41(42 in a couple of days). Married with two kids, my son (18) and my daughter (15). My husband is my rock and has been there for me, always not just now. I have one older sister who has shared the responsibilities equally without any incidents and with every ounce of respect to me.

Mom is 75 and has this disease, she was just placed a month ago in an ALF. She is highly fuctional and has a nice two room apt. Dad passed away on 3/23 and was mom's primary caregiver. She lived on her own for almost two months with daily visits from my mother-in-law, who God love her took care of her as if she was her own family. My sister and I did the weekend duties too. Mom has improved so much since moving into the facility.

We are in the process of selling the house, just signed the agreement of sale today. Once the house is gone I will be able to focus just on enjoying time with mom. I've had some of the best visits with her in the past couple of weeks. It's been a long three months but I learned to live each day for what it is worth now.

Hi, My name is Pam M, I am married for 6 yrs, and live with 2 cats and one dog. We both are 53 yrs old (yikes!). My husband has Crohn's disease for many years. He has constant issues with his lungs, kidney stones, & renal failure to name a few things. I know the ER and hospital where he goes like the back of my hand! We live in the Ft Lauderdale area. I have no children and either does my husband. We both have full time jobs.

My father passed about 10 years ago, quite suddenly from a heart attack. My youngest brother (45) was killed in a accident 2 years ago in Seattle area (where I am originally from). I have two remaining brothers, one in Seattle and one here.

My mother moved to this area 1 year after Dad passed away, when it was apparent that she could not handle a single family home alone. She lived alone in a condo not far from me and I visited quite often, and we had a great relationship. The last couple of years, I had noticed little things with her and would ask her about her medical conditions, and she refused to discuss them with anyone. I respected her privacy and did not press for anything. After awhile, things with her got worse, and after my brother passed away, she became worse with being confused, memory issues, and other symptoms of dementia. I finally notified her PCD, and advised the doctor of my observations. Due to the Hippa laws, the doctor refused to discuss anything with me, and only advised that mother see a neuro dr, which I took her to. The Dr told me that she had dementia or AD, and wanted to do tests etc. Meantime, Mom was blaming me for her diagnosis and refused to go back to the dr, and insisted on getting a new one.

Then suddenly she refused to speak to me or even see me at all. She was covering up for who knows how long with her illness, and didn't like the fact that I noticed things were not quite right, and she insisted I was controlling her etc. I tried to see her and call, but she refused to speak to me or let me in. She changed the locks, etc. My brother stepped in, and took over keeping an eye on her, and trying to see what the drs said. She kept changing neuro dr's because they told her she had dementia and she refused to believe it, and thought she was "fine". She told all the dr's not release any information about her to her family. We barely knew what kind of meds she was on.

This went on for almost a whole year until Jan 21, 2006. Then she called me when she was at the end of her rope. She had another bad fall, and was very ill, as she was not eating right, or taking her meds correctly, and I am pretty sure she was having hallucinations/delusions on a regular basis. She was on Aricept for a while, then Exelon, but had no idea what they were for. Plus she was experiencing walking issues, and was falling down so much, that the bus driver would not even stop to pick her up anymore. She had several falls in public places and was taken to ER, all of this happened without my brother telling me, as she didn't want me to know about how ill she was. I was very upset that my brother did not tell me all of this was going on and that he didn't recognize that something was drastically wrong with Mom and she desparately needed help! During this time, I was constantly worrying about what was happening to her, and my brother only provided sketchy info to me.

When I came back into her life, her dementia was getting worse, her finances were a mess, and her condo was a mess. She hoarded newspapers, magazines, catalogs, plastic bags and other things. Not to mention the hiding of things. She was constantly losing her purse and jewelry. Even with all of this, she has little awareness that she is ill, and always thought someone came in and stole things or moved them, etc.

Well, after a 7 day stay in the hospital, I lived with her for 60-70 days; she improved alot, we made plans for her future and I got a POA, etc for her.

She went into the ALF in April, and since then has rapidly gone downhill. She wanted to go there and seemed okay at first. She has recently become combative, paranoid, and distrustful of my brother and I again. She thinks I am controlling her life and keeping everything from her. Plus, that I am stealing from her too. She doesn't remember the plans we made earlier this year and that I was handle her affairs, (hence the POA). So back to square one again.

The Dr wants to send her to psychiatrist for evaluation for competency and told me that she needs to go into a AD facility in the "near" future. Not to mention the fact, that she recently called the Adult Protective Services and made a complaint against me.

Whew, sorry this got so long! I appreciate this forum, and it's heartbreaking to read some of the experiences other CG are having to deal with....it puts things into perspective sometimes. People whom don't understand AD/dementia have no idea what you are going thru and cannot offer much advice. I have great respect for the CG's whom have their LO living with them, and I can understand how difficult it is for them. It takes a special person to have their LO live with them. Cudo's to all of you!

Take care everyone,

Pam

My name is Cindy, from Port Neches, Texas; married 20 years this November with 4 kids, oldest one is married with a 1 y/o daughter. Primary (and only) caregiver to my 68 y/o Mom who lives with us for the last 2 months after an "offical" diagnosis. Have 2 brothers and 2 sisters who's only sign of "support" is to call and ask how Mom is doing and then say well don't disturb her...they've done their duty for the week I guess??!!
I work full time in a supervisorary position for Sprint customer service, while I'm at work my 3 kids take care of Grandma. Hubby is an OTR truck driver home 4 days a month. Mom can still feed herself as long as someone else is doing the cooking! Her showers are supervised and she can dress herself if you hand each piece of clothing to her. Very stressful situation which I couldn't handle if I didn't feel God's hand holding mine each day to get me through.

hi,im jessie.
i am 60 years old and the caregiver,for my husband. jerry is 69,and is the love of my life.
he was a house designer,very knowing person ,with lots of interesting hobbies,he did woodworking,carvings,stone scultures,and oil paintings.
he is in stage 6,and now cant even follow the plot of a tv show.the man i once new is gone,
not even a trace of him anymore,how so,so,sad this disease is,and all i can do is watch as it gets worse. we have 2 grandkids,anthony is 8,
and katie is 6, my daughter is trying to tell them about grandpa's illness,because they are are afraid of him now,that also breaks my heart.
we also have a 40 year old son,who has moved home to help me take care of things,and jerry,tonight he changed locks on the doors,we got the ones that lock from the inside,i read that in one of the post here on this forum,and sounded like a good idea. so as someone else just said,i take it one day at a time and thank god for that day,and usually thank god ,that the day is over.

Hello everybody, my name is Michelle and I'm new to this site so it's nice to be able to introduce myself properly.
I am 21 years old and live in Co. Cork in Ireland. I live at home with my mom, Dad and one of my sisters. Last year my nana was diagnosed with vascular dementia. When this happened I gave up college and work to stay at home with my Mom to help mind Nan, who lived with us. I can honestly say that the past year has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. Watching Nan detiorate as quickly as she did was heart breaking. She wasn't the person that helped to bring me up (she has lived with us as long as I'm in the world!)She became violent and aggressive towards us, threatened suicide and to hurt us really badly. It was just so devestating, I didn't know what to do. One day though, after she had been on her meds for a while, I saw a glimpse of my "old" nana. It was only for a moment but in that moment my heart lifted and I came to realise that what I needed to do was remember all the good times that I had with her over the years, all the happy memories and the times we smiled together. Corny as it may sound, it got a little bit easier then.
It's been hard again at the moment as she as been in hospital since the 7th of May and everyday when I go to visit her I can see her slipping away more and more. So, I just hold her had and try and let her know that I'm there and I care and that I'll always love her. I hope in my heart that she can hear me and understand.

My name is Beth. I live in Sterling, Virginia. I don't even know if my mother, who will be 87 this year, has ALZ. She has steadily declined over the past 10 years, with steep declines the past several years. Sometimes she doesn't know where she is. She doesn't remember my brother sometimes, who lives in Arizona. She confuses my 19 year old daughter with my sister, who is 53. She has started to believe she is in the middle of a wedding, or is surrounded by relatives. But her overall health is good and she's in good spirits most of the time.

I work full-time. I have two children, one a 12 yr old boy who has emotional problems (extreme anxiety, won't eat outside the house,etc.), another a 19 yr old daughter who fought lymphatic cancer last year (chemo, the whole 9 yards). I have no relatives anywhere nearby. Between my children and my job and my mother, I am stressed to the max most of the time.

However, I remain hopeful that we will get through this.

Dear MC,

I believe she can hear you. Even when our loved ones don't know who we are I think that they know there is someone with them that cares. A gentle touch is so comforting.

I'm Barbilou, 53, and daughter to an AD mom who lived a mean-spirited existence. I'm married to my soulmate, have one son, three gorgeous step-daughters, and six grandkids (well, five step-grandkids, but they're mine). I tried to retire last year from dialysis nursing, but I missed my salary too much and am back doing it one or two days a week this summer. I'm an eBayaholic and like to fish. We became full-time RVers last November: we have a fifth wheel trailer and travel wherever we want, as long as it's where I can run over to mom's whenever she needs groceries or a perm or plumbing repairs or help finding her keys/purse/bills/money/phone numbers/remote control/trash can. (Yes, I found it under the day lilies!) I read this forum often, and it helps a lot to see others go through the same exact things.

Hi! My name is Judy and as you all have been able to see, I don't always think before I write (or speak). I've been married to a wonderful man (Bill) for 23 years. From the first time I met him, I knew he would be my soulmate. Bill has always been headstrong, blessed with so much common sense that it has amazed me and has always loved me even through my "dumb-as-a-rock" episodes (what he calls my silly moments,with a smile on his face.

Bill had a stroke in 2002 that affected his personality (260° change) and his habits. Lots of changes and doctor visits! Last Sept 20th, he was found on the side of the road with 2nd and 3rd degree burns on his back/right side. He was in the hospital until Dec 5th and everyone was wonderful at first. They all slowly started not being there when he started seeing the rats on the ceiling, chicken outside the window of his 5th floor hospital room. I've had to learn to be hard with everyone who is now taking money (when he has it, he feels he needs at least $5 in his wallet) from him while I'm working. I am now the head of household, the keeper of him and the smarts of the whole thing. I was not blessed with the sense my husband had, but I pray that God sees I'm doing my best. My one fault (sorry, my BIGGEST) is that I'm not sure I do the right thing when caring for him. I'm often torn between what will be best for him or what is the best thing for the situation.

This website has shown me there are a lot more people with worse situations and that they are a beautiful group for sharing there ideas, answers and thoughts. My blessings and prayers to all of you for being patient with me and not criticizing me for seeming to be self-centered. I've always been there for the underdog, but most of the time nowadays, I really don't like myself for what I've become.

I love you all!
J.Gilbert

Dear Mary O,
Thank you for that lovely reply, I like to think that she can understand and hear me. Today we had a really good day in the hospital with her. We actually got a few smiles and laughs out of here, it was really nice.

HI,
I'm the 24/7 caregiver for my mom who has AD. She's been with us now almost 10 years. She's in stage 6-7 and has been progressing thru this nightmare in drips and drabs. I have absent siblings too. What a drag. My husband and 13 year old daughter help care for mom but lately they are becomming weary of the constriction her presence places on our lives. I am in and out of the forum lately, as there is much else happening around our home.

I'm Joan, 46. I live with my 7 year old son and my mother, 72 who was diagnosed with "dementia" about two years ago when a 3 mile familiar driving trip took her about 30 miles away and about 100 miles on the car. Luckily she was still with it enough to go into a post office and they were able to locate my sister at her work. That was the last time she drove.

I moved back in with Mom in 1999 when I was widowed during my pregnancy and at that time she was my rock. We bought a house together in 2002 and in 2005 I took a leave of absence from teaching to care for her fulltime and now have resigned from my position. I'm in it for the long haul. I am now a Personal Wellness Coach, my goal being to educate people about Type II Diabetes and Dementia prevention with nutrition.

We went from occasional accidents to fulltime Depends and daily sheet laundering within the last year. Mom is on a mission to EAT - 10 minutes after breakfast she's asking about lunch....starts asking about dinner right after lunch. I've now got childlocks on the cupboards and a bicycle lock on the fridge (who'da thunk it?????)

Everyday is a learning process - in 2004 she let her Medicare part B go unpaid - it was cancelled and while I was fighting with SS to get it reinstated I missed the deadline to re-enroll in 2005 (while I was being led to believe it might be reinstated nobody bothered to tell me how the signup deadlines work). We've got her back under coverage as of July 1 and signed her up with SCAN. Through them I'll be able to get some respite - meeting with her social worker from there next week to determine her needs (and mine!).

This place has been my connection to sanity. I laugh and cry through the posts and find relief in knowing I'm not alone.

Hi, my name is Jeanne, Nean is my nickname from my sis. I am 52, and mom is 72. We are originally from Ohio but moved to Indiana 25 years ago. We sold our home and left 3 great kids, 3 kids-in-law and 4 grandkids (with another on the way) to move in with my stubborn, critical mother in Ohio. We have been here since Dec, '05, mom was diagnosed in Dec, '04.

I have a sister and brother who reside here just blocks from mom, but it's would take too much time to explain why they are totally off-hands when it comes to my mom. Suffice it to say my fantastically tolerant hubby and I are the only people she has in this world who will tolerate her enough to care for her.

Mom seems to be somewhere between stage 5 & 6. She suffers horrible bouts of panic and anxiety that are causing me to go bald. I seem to have them under control at this time with the help of a very caring and understanding NP who works with her regular doctor. I can't leave her for even the shortest time or she is on the phone calling doctors, ambulance, oxygen companies etc. Every one is out to get her and she has no problem "putting them in their place".

She does "volunteer" in a daycare twice a week which is a blessing. She comes home happy says she loves going, then has lots to critize for a few hours afterwards until the memories go.

I am very grateful for the msg boards. I've learned so much and don't feel so alone. I am thrilled with how much my patience has grown, not only with mom but for the whole world. That has been the biggest blessing I have received from the trials of this DD.

My name is Dave, my wife, Miriam, was diagnosed with AD 7 years ago. We live in SW Idaho.
We have been together since we were 15, our 50th anniversary was earlier this month. My wife’s “progress” has been quite slow. She still is active, though incapable of doing a lot of routine stuff she was so good at earlier. I am loosing a dear friend. The role of caretaker / father / boss does not fit with my personality, but I am learning (learning how to be incredibly devious as well).
We have 4 wonderful daughters and 11 grandkids. I get strength from them all.
We have been urged to move closer to one of our daughters, but have resisted so far. We live in a house I designed and built 30 years ago. It is hard to leave. Eventually I will need help, but not quite yet.
Right now life is quite good, but I fear the future. I am an incurable optomist, and have a huge sense of humor. Those two qualities keep me sane (OK, sorta sane).

Hi, I'm Deb 53 and Mom to 3 grown kids, 2 boys 1 girl, and grandma to 7 with another one on the way! My Mom is the one with alzheimers. We just found out this year but we've known something was wrong for about 5. Little things like talking in circles etc at first then not being able to fly. What really got us moving was when she came down here for Christmas and right after coming in from shopping she was asking if we were going shopping, that's when it really hit me just how bad it was getting. Right now she is up North and I'm down in the South, my brother and sister in law are keeping an eye on her but when we think she should be with someone daily she'll be coming to live with me since she will be more comfortable with me taking care of her daily care, her words not mine. Right now we are in the process of getting all the paperwork together that will be needed, we know it has to be done fast but we're trying not to upset her to much since she's still saying that she's ok and that at her age, 81, she should be a little forgetful. I have been in contact with our local garegivers assn and will go to my 1st support group meeting next Thurs. I am reading all I can about this disease and have learned quite alot. I come to this board everyday, just reading what all of you are going through helps me understand better. You know, when I first heard of alzheimers and memory loss I really didn't think about the fact that it's not just forgetting people and places it didn't even dawn on me that they forget how to do so many little things that we take for granted, boy have I learned alot, and have alot more to learn but I am learning because I want to do the best for my Mom.

Hello everybody, my name is Filomena, (51) I live in NYC in a big house with my husband(51) my daughter(19) my mom who has AD (79), our dog
(11) and temporarily my nephew (34) who separated from his wife.
My mom has been living with us since my dad died
in Sep. 2004. My feelings are that she started on the road of AD in Jan 1999 after heart surgery. She was managing ok while my dad was alive, but the stress of his death(they had been married 56yrs)just speeded up things incredibly. She must be in stage 5 with some
symthoms of stage 6. She's been urine incontinent for about a year already. Lately she has trouble dressing, going to the bathroom by herself. She's affected by sundowning so much. In the daytime she seems to be pretty lucid, but after dinner everything changes.
The DR. put her on 100mg, of seroquel at night.
It seems to help her but somehow it's affecting the way she walks. She was on Aricept, but the DR. stopped because after so many yrs on it it was not helping her anymore. She also has skin cancer and a breast tumor. I am her sole caregiver 24/7. I have a brother who lives in FL. but does not take any part in the caregiving
except listen to me when I call to vent a little. My life has changes so drastically. I used to run a Real Estate office, had lots of friends and socialized often. Now I am home taking care of MOM, the rest of the family, the house, the laundry, the cooking. I feel I have lost ME!!! Going out of the house has for me now become a chore.
I pray everyday for God to give me the strenght
to get through each day.
Thanks for being there. You are all wonderful and caring people.
Filomena

Hi. My name is Nikla. I live in Virginia Beach. I have two grown kids, one is in college and the other is in the process of getting ready to go to boot camp in October for the Marines. Very proud of both of my kids. The wonderful man that I have been dating for 10 years will marry me on September 16th of this year (yeah finally!!!). My dad is 70 years old and has AD. Mom passed away a year ago and the disease has really progressed since then. I have to put him in assisted living . He has his good days and bad days. He is now telling me that the staff keep asking him when he is leaving to go back home, that he should have been out of here two weeks ago. He also keeps telling me and the staff that he has been in the place since December (wrong, June of last year!). Some of the things that my dad has told me make me giggle when I go home and relive the conversation, and then he will call me and cuss me out for keeping him there. Keeps saying that he has been "screwed over". Oh well, I keep a smile on my face and say "yes dad" a lot. I have a brother that lives in Maryland, and he really isn't a lot of help. He is still upset that dad got mad over the Christmas holidays and wanted to go back to the assisted living facility. Oh well, that is what happens when you have someone with AD. Thank goodness my financee is a great listner!

I am Betty from Kansas. I am married and we have 5 kids between us of course they are no longer kids, they are approaching their 50's. My husband and I have been married 32 years. I have cared for him 24/7 for 4 years with no relief and was glad to do it. I have been warned by two doctors I had better place him in a home because of my health. I had my first stress related health problem and it was my eyes, a very scary problem. After checking out 6 homes I found one that I would put myself in if/when needed. He goes in Monday. I promised myself I would leave him a month, but don't know about after that. I will have to see how he adjusts to the move. We are very close and only have each other to rely on.

Tommie, wanted to tell you that I am a transplanted Okie from Muskogee sort of. I was born in Checotah and moved to Kansas in 1950.

I am Peggy.I live in Waxhaw, NC. I have married to wonderful man (Randy) for almost 18 years, and we have 2 beautiful children (11 ans 6). My mother in law was officially diagnosed yesterday with lewy bodies dementia.The doctor said she could no longer live by herself. She has lived off and on with us this past year. I give her her medication, fix her plate and take her where ever she wants to go. Yesterday, after we were home from the doctor, she informed us she is "NEVER" living with us.(My husband is her only child).She is hallucinating and having delusions really bad, and the doctor yesterday put her on meds for it. I honestly do not know what we will do! I hate to force someone to live with us if she adamently doesn't want to!I definitely don't want her to go to a nursing home at this time. I am willing to take care of her here, but we are 7 hours away from her house in GA!There is no power of attorney appointed. My motto for life now days is " one day at a time!". I am reading Into The Mist, and it is really giving me a wonderful insite to this disease!( Thanks Deb!)If I had to do it over again, I would still do what I am doing.It is hard to realize the words a dementia patient say, aren't your LO words, it is just the disease! Nice to meet everyone!

Hi my name is Susan I am 53 married for 35 yrs have 2 children and 6 grandchildren I am a 24/7 caregiver for my Mama who is 80 she is showing signs of stage 7 and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She has lived with me for 25yrs ever since my Dad passed away. She was doing fair until her brother passed away in Feb.2006 and it seemed to send her into a tail spin downward. I have been on this site since Feb. althogh I do not post much I find many answers and help from other post. Thank ya'll so much for being here. It really does keep you from being alone. God Bless you all!!!

Welcome Rose! You've come to the right place!

I'm Sylvia. I'm 50 yrs old and my mother is my LO with this awful disease. She is 85 and has had this for years before my father died in 05. Looking back I can see the signs, but then we were clueless. When he died life crashed around us. This past year my mother has gone from being ambulatory and able to do most things for herself, including making some decisions and carrying on a real conversation, to being in a wheelchair and talking in short sentences - or very long ones that make no sense at all.

I am fortunate that my parents planned ahead and saved their money. It won't last forever but hopefully it will be enough to last as long as she needs it. She is in an ALF with 24/7 sitters who are Godsends! I am there everyday for varying lengths of time. I wish I could be there for my mother like Jim Brode is for his wife. That is what my heart wants to do, but I also have a family.

I have a most patient husband, who is dealing with a leg problem currently and must stay off his feet a good deal of the time. He could easily resent the time I spend with my mother, but he understands that this is what I have to do.

I have four children - 22, 18, 15,and 9. My 22 yr old has cerebral palsy and is like a one year old developmentally. My 18 yr old has been my right arm for years, but he is entering the Marines in October. I will miss him greatly, but it is right for him to start his own life. My 15 yr old is my only daughter. She is also a HUGE help to me at home, especially with her oldest and youngest brother. I couldn't do what I do for my mother without her help at home. My 9 yr old brings joy wherever he is. If I could bottle his energy I'd be a LOT more productive!

I also have two brothers who live in other states, but they come as often as they can to help with our mother, but they do other things for her at their homes (financial, etc.) That frees me up to just worry about her. God had this all worked out so that each of us can do jobs for her that we are suited to. I am grateful to say that we work well together. THAT is a tribute to our upbringing and our parents!

Our parents worked hard, saved and sacrificed to give us what we needed as we grew up. Our hard work and sacrifice now for these last years of Mama's life are the least we can do to say thank you.

My name is Arlene and I live in New Jersey. My situation is remarkably similar to Sally's. My husband is 12 years older than me, is retired and cares for my mother who is 84 and in stage 5/6 of Alzheimer's. She has had this illness for about 2 years and she has been with us for 10 months now. He watches her all day while I am at work and I take over when I get home and on weekends. We have no other care provider at this point. I have looked into caregivers that come into the home on an hourly / daily basis, in order to give us some time off. I have also been contacting Assisted Living and Nursing Home facilities, but so far have not yet made any arrangements there. We have no other support as my only sibling, my brother, died 4 years ago.

Hi. My name is Linda and I have no idea what to do. My dad has Alzheimer's - early/middle stages. He's only 66 and the kindest man I've ever known. I've always been his little girl and we have always been close. Now I am Power of Attorney and have put my name on his checking account. He calls me a thief now. I try to help with bills and he says I just want his money. My mom and him always go out to eat every night because my mom stopped cooking years ago (she has dementia). Anyway, my father talks to EVERYONE he meets - joking around, etc. He's always been like that but last night he and my mom drove into a very bad neighborhood to get a McDonald's milkshake. They went in and he started talking to this guy and the guy told my father to "get out of his f-ing face". I am so afraid they are going to get killed. What do I do? I can't take away his keys, he'll die if he can't drive! If anyone out there has any suggestions, please write to me. I'm a wreck. Thanks so much and God Bless!

My god how does any even begin to deal with this? My name is Tiffany and my grandfather was diagnosed only 3 months ago (he's 95) and he has been going down hill ever since. I have just recently started caring for him because my mother was unable to continue doing so. She had surgury for a brain tumor that damaged healthy parts of her brain and is now trying to deal with her limitations. I attempted to have him live with me for awhile but I am a single mom of a 5 year old and with his declining awarness and health I didn't feel like I could give him quality care so I found a great health care facility to put him in but everybody in the family (non of which can or will help) thinks I did the wrong thing that he's "not that bad" or "doesn't have Alzheimer's". I feel so completely guitly for placing him there but I'm the one day in and day out that sees the changes in his behavior. How can I make everyone understand that this is what is best for him? Any ideas?
Thanks

It's me again. Last night I went to see my dad. He called me the worst names I've ever heard! He never talks like that! Plus he says he has disowned me as his daughter. I kept trying to not let it bother me and I didn't yell back or say a word. He was out of control - I thought he was going to hit me or my mom. Anyway, just 5 minutes ago he called me at work. Didn't mention last night and acted like my old dad. I can't stand this - it hurts so bad. I feel like my heart is being ripped out and I know that he needs to go somewhere but he refuses and so does my mom. I don't know what to do. Could someone give me advice? Anything? Thanks!

Signed, Sad and Depressed

Tiffany,

Do what is best for you and what is best for your grandfather. No one, especially people who are unwilling to help, should tell you otherwise. Unless they are walking in your shoes and can experiencing what you are, they have no right to tell you what to do. Good luck.

Hello to L Shanklin...
You sound like me about 4 years ago! My dad was diagnosed when he was 61 and he is now 68. It was pure hell getting him to give up the keys and take his driver's license away. He STILL maintains that he is a good driver.(Even tho he let his car's transmission burn up and they had to get rid of the car.) I am hoping to meet some of you in the chat room very soon and we can discuss things more there! Take good care, LTAy

L Tay -
Thanks so much for writing me back. I didn't hear from anyone so I was just going to give up trying. Thank you. You said that your dad is now 68 - how is he? Are you taking care of him? Does he have horrible mood swings? Sorry but I have so many questions.
Have a wonderful day!

Linda

Hi I am Denise and I am 55 years old caring for my 89 year old mom. Mom has had ALZ a little over a year now. She probably has had it longer but we all just thought it was old age making her "doddery".

I have a woman in 6 hours a week to clean and keep her company. She has deteriorated so much in the past month I arranged for adult day care for her starting August 1.

I work full time and every moment at home is consumed with taking care of mom. She cannot settle, has delusions and can be very combative. She is always hungry and it is hard to keep up with her enormous appetite...and she is a tiny thing!

This past year has been complete and utter hell...for her as well as me. Today I was at a luncheon at work and everyone was talking about their summer plans and it hit me hard...Summer was always my favorite season and I dearly miss my walks on the beach with my dog and being able to sit in peace on the porch at sunset.

Oh it IS the little things.

Hi I'm Lauren I'm a caregiver for my grandfather who's 80 years old and he's stage 5-6. It has been so hard watching him get worse and worse and hear him say things he would never say. He used to be so kind and sweet and caring. He has become physically combative and violent and he gets upset very easily and it is very hard to calm him down. We placed him in a facility 2 weeks ago and he was found to have pnemounia so they brought him to the hostipal and hes been there since. he is not doing well there, he woke up yesterday and has trouble eating.. so I think he's in the end stages or possibly getting sicker as a complication of alizhemers.

I'm Sue and I live in Monroe, ohio, just north of Cincinnati. I cared for my husband, Jim, until his death at age 59 on February 10 from this awful disease. I've moved in with my mom who is also suffering from moderate dementia. My sister comes every weekday to stay with Mom while I work and I do nights and weekends. She has panic attacks if left alone. Mom's been on Aricept for about 3 years and has just started Namenda. It seems to make her a little more nervous but I think I'm seeing a little improvement in her cognitive skills. Still asks the same question a dozen times but is able to carry on a conversation better. Don't know how I would have survived with Jim's illness without this site. I haven't been posting too much since his death - still like an open wound, but I'm hanging in there and am sooo grateful for all the support and love I've gotten here.

my name is Linda and we live in TX. My precious husband of 52 was recently diagnosed with EOAD. We have 7 children. Oldest being 37 yr. and the youngest 11 years. 6 grandchildren. We still have 3 at home, we adopted. The 15 yr. old is Bi-polar and the 11 year old has mood disorder and panic attacks. The 13 year old girl stuggles with being very overweight. My husband is still working. We are just absorbing everything we see on this forum Thank you for all your support. I suppose you can make it through this, but only with the Lord's help. He does give me the grace to get through everyday. I am 56, soon to be 57 next month. All our older children live in GA. or in different areas of Texas. We are from GA. This was a great idea. I can't believe how many EoAD people there are. WHY? only God knows.

Hi my name is Elizabeth I am 33 years old and my grandmother has AZ, she is 95. My mother whom is 69 takes care of her 24/7 and I just try to be there whenever I can. I had my mom living with my husband and I in a mother in law I had built and about 5 months ago we moved grandma in as well. I just got married in Sept 05 and I thank God for such a loving, supportive husband he has put in my path. We have no children..yet.. but hopefully will soon be working on it right now does not seem like the best time with all that is going on.

Thank you all that have replied and given us advice and my prayers go out to each of you every night.

My name is Arlene. My husband has Alz. I would say he is mid-stage.

We live in the summers in NJ and in the winters in Tucson. I have very bad arthritis with a few artificial parts thrown in (spinal surgery, hip transplant, etc.) I use a cane or a walker to get around, and since my husband had to stop driving, I am the one making all the trips with him to doctors, shopping, etc. I am 70 (I still can't believe that) and my husband is 74. We have a married daughter (46) with two boys 16 and 14; a single son (41) and a married daughter (36) with a 5 year old and 2 year old twins. They all live within 20 minutes of my home in NJ.

Snowbird

Hi, I'm Kathy and feel humbled by what I've read tonight. My situation seems difficult to me, but...My mother is 87 and in an assisted living situation 5 minutes from me. She lived with my husband and me for 9 months and has been in assisted living for 3 years. I'm not sure what form of dementia she has. Her geriatric doctor thinks she has vascular dementia as well as AZ. She is very depressed and I am looking for ways to make a more positive impact. She can no longer follow television programs and is painfully aware that her short and long term memories are almost gone. She always knows me and her recognizes her grandchildren most of the time. She has a hard time sustaining conversation for more than a couple of minutes. She has occasional delusional thinking and is confused by any change in the routine. her decline has been steady and slow with a couple of terrifying sharp drops of hallucinations and delusions. Once they abate, she's left with a little more loss and the continuing decline. I want to help her, so that even if she doesn't remember the visit or call, she can enjoy it at the time. There's so much more that I'd like to say, but this is a start. Thanks to anyone who replies.

Kathy

First let me say - Jim Brian - what a beautiful song - thanks. Deborah - I can't wait to purchase your book and read it.

I'm Pamela. I'm an ONLY CHILD, 54 yrs young, and have three grown daughters and one granddaughter. My husband, Jim, and I live in Lexington, KY and are caregivers to my 77 yr old mother who is in stage 4/5 of Alzheimer's.

Mom was diagnosed 3 yrs ago and has been taking Aricept and living alone (1 hr away for us). Things with her had gotten worse - burning things on the stove and hiding the pan(s). Continually losing keys, purse, etc. The doc told me she would not be living alone and she would not be driving any longer. I knew it was coming, I just didn't have the courage to do it. Lucky for me she didn't hurt herself or anyone, because I couldn't make a decision to do something.

I moved Mom with us this April. I'll be honest, it's been really really hard. I've cried more tears in the last two months than I've cried in my life time. She's easy to care for until she gets into one of her angry moods. I have her in a day care 2 days a week. That's been a blessing. I'm not sure at this point what to do. I can't make her happy - too hot, too cold, too windy, etc., etc.

Mom is on Aricept, Namenda and Lexapro.

I'm so glad to have this place to come to and vent...you understand what resentment, frustration, empathy and confusion are about.

People like me, need people like you. Thanks for being here.

Hello. My name is Mary Jane, 38, and my mom has Alzheimers. She is 73 years young. She was diagnosed a year ago, right about the time my dad died from complications after heart surgery. She has been full of energy and the healthiest person I've ever known. She never complains, always willing to help, and never has a bad word to say about anyone. We have been living in Long Island for the past 6 years while my parents ,sister and brother were all in the Mass/RI area. I have another sister who lives in Maine. After my dad died, my sister and brother who live there brought my mom to an elder lawyer and got power of attorney and health care proxi. Last week, they coerced my mother into signing a lease at an assisted living facility. I believe that is not what she wanted. I have been planning for 9 months to move home and take care of her. My siblings have sabatodged this several times. She is very early in the stages of the disease and I'm afraid her money will run out before she really needs it. My brother and sister think it's too much on her to live with me because I have 4 children. My mother adores them as much as they adore her and are very willing to make the necessary sacrafices in order to care for her. As for my mother, she thrives when she is around them. Since moving here, my parents would come once a month if not more and usually spend a week in between the times when we would visit there. I believe I know my mother better then anyone since I have spent the most quality time with her over the years. It kills me to see this happening and I have absolutely no say in the matter.
I love my mother and I want to do what is best for her now and for the rest of her life.
If anyone has feedback, I would appreciate it.

My name is Gail. Today is my first day on this forum, and I am hooked. My mom was diagnosed last year with ECI. I am a nurse, and knew that this was a sugar coating to Alzheimers. This year she got retested, and she is now diagnosed with early alzheimers. I accepted it a year ago and have been talking about it. My dad and siblings were a little behind me, but now on board....and are telling people. My mom is still quite functional, but we are seeing big declines. Reading everyone elses posts has made me feel so lucky. I know what is ahead.....but we are in a good place right now. I try to enjoy her, and make memories as much as possible. I am married x29 years, with 3 grown children. I feel very blessed that I have a great support system. My dad is a saint. We are trying to give him breaks, cuz she has gotten very dependent on him.
I look forward to reading...

May name is Kathleen and today is my first day on this forum. My mom is 82 and has been diagnosed with late stage Dementia/Alzheimer's. I recently moved her out of her apartment where she lived alone and my husband and I and my brother moved her into an Assisted Living residence where she gets 24 hour care. She has fallen twice since February of this year, once broke her left hip, had hip surgery, and recently fell again this past Saturday. She did not break anything this time. Thank the Lord! She is now in a sub-acute rehabilitation center where they are trying to help her with her mobility. I feel so helpless that I cannot do more for her. I do not live near my mom and she has a best friend that she has been seeing for 18 years, (my mom was widowed over 20 years ago) so I chose an Assisted Living which was more convenient to him since he is 85 years old and in poor health. She looks forward to his visits and he visits her almost every day. I miss the person that was my mother very much.... her health seems to be declining quickly. I see mom frequently and most of the time she knows me although she gets me and my daughter confused sometimes. She always smiles when we talk about my granddaughter, her great-granddaughter, Amy. I am glad I found this group and look forward to posting.

Hi all,
My name is Wendy and I live in southern New Hampshire. I'm 37 the youngest of 4. My Dad had been diagnosed with AD and Parkinsons by one neurologist and then neither by another just dementia. Either way it's hard. I was reading everyones situation and the stages that their loved ones were in. So I looked up on it and I would say my dad is in stage 6. It came on quite suddenly, he went from a little sundowning to full blown confusion and being paranoid even angry most of the day. My siblings aren't much help, except to tell me what I "SHOULD" do. My whole family (husband and 3 kids 19,15,and 5) are just at a loss at this moment on where to go from here. I think this site is going to be a huge help. It already has actually. I look forward to getting to know all of you.

hI ALL, MY NAME IS RONNIE. I LIVE IN PUERTO RICO WITH MY HUSBAND OF 35YRS HE HAS AD. WE MOVED HERE 20 YRS AGO HE IS PUERTO RICAN I AM NOT, I DID LEARN AND NOW SPEAK FLUENT SPANISH. MY HUSBAND WAS A GET AROUND MOVE AROUND KIND OF GUY HE IS NOTHING LIKE HIS FORMER SELF. HE DOES WALK BUT SLOW AND LOSES HIS BALANCE HE CAN STILL EAT BY HIMSELF AND GOES TO THE BATHROOM ALONE. FROM WHAT I HAVE READ HE IS ABOUT ENTERING STAGE 5. MY DAUGHTER AND HUSBAND AND TWIN DAUGHTERS AGED 10 LIVE DOWNSTAIRS AND I AM UPSTAIRS WITH MY HUSBAND. HE IS 64 AND I AM 59. THIS FORUM IS A LIFE SAVER FOR ME. I THANK GOD I FOUND IT. I TOO NEED TO TALK I MISS GOING OUT AND SHARING WITH OTHER COUPLES. I MISS HEARING MY HUSBAND LAUGH. I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE THANKS EVERYONE FOR BEING THERE YOU ARE ALL A BLESSING

quote:

Originally posted by Sally:
I have been looking back of some of the old posts I have printed out and saved over the past year or so and I came across one where everyone gave a brief description of themselves and their situation. It was started by Colleen on March 9, 2005. We have SO MANY new people recently - I thought it might be appropriate to do this again. It is great to print off and go back to see just "where someone is coming from" when you read new posts from that person. Most of us tell a little of our story when we post -but with so many new people it is hard to keep up with - so if we would just each list our names(board name and maybe - real first name) then a sentence or two about our situation. I hope EVERYONE will participate so that we can have one consolidated list. Thanks for doing this.
Sally

My name is Megan, and I am 20 years old. I have gone by Meglet everywhere on the internet since I was six and helped buy our first family computer. Meglet is a nickname my grandfather (who currently is battling his third round of cancer) gave me.

I help to care for my 80 year old great-grandmother (Granny) who has late 5th early 6th stage AD. My grandmother (Mamma) is her primary caregiver and only daughter. My sister (who is 18) and I take turns giving her a break and bringing Granny to her house an hour and a half away from the rest of the family. It gets very lonely when we're up here and I used to feel extremely isolated when I came up here until I found a way to dial-up to the internet while I was here and come to the chats and send emails home.

I am the oldest of 10 children and have two part time jobs--one as a bookkeeper for a commercial real estate business, one as a preschool teacher at a local church, as well as now selling Mary Kay products. Between all of that and being active in my church I stay quite busy. This message board has been such a valuable tool in our quest to make Granny's life as best as possible. It's also been encouraging to find out we're not the only family dealing with relatives who have denial.