My name is Jack and my wife, Alice, has Alzheimer's. We live in Matawan, NJ. She is 80 and I am 79. I have been known as "Sleepless in Matawan" in this forum. Alice is functioning in a very limited way. She is unable to comprehend the simpelest statement. It has been a long time since I have had a rational conversation with her. She is confused and frightened most of the time. Alice has two living things she clings to, me and our cat called "little boy". I do all the usual household chors as she is unable to do anything herself. This is not how I expected we would spend the "September" of our life. I fear the day I will no longer be able to care for her. Next month we will have been married for fifty-six years. We have four daughters which I refer to as my "Four Queens". We have nine grandchildern and three great-great grandchildern plus one more on the way. Three of four Queens are married to good men now. One Queen divorced her first husband who was, and still is, a first class horses rear-end. One Queen lost her first husband, he killed himself when his drug soaked brain could not face life any longer. One Queen divorced her husband when he took off to live with his drugs on the streets of NYC. They lived together only a few short months before he deserted her, (she was pregnant). She met and married her second husband and had two children by him. She became a widow when that wounderful man was killed in the WTC on 9/11/01. She remains unmarried today. The fourth Queen married once and remains so.

I seem to have been rambling on quite a bit. I will end for today by wishing a Happy Mothers Day to all that are mothers and by asking God's mercey on all aflicted with this life destroying disease.
Jack
PS: I continue to spend most of my life sleepless.
J

My name is Debbie. I am 53 years old from New jersey. I am an R.N. but on disability for Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. My mom died 6 years ago from breast cancer. My dad has lived with me for the past 4 years. He is diagnosed with dementia. he is 84 and has become progressivly worse. He is incontinent more then he is not and he sleeps in a reclining chair, he often refuses to get up so I can wash and change him. He will not wear any kind of diapers. Most times I find him fully clothed from the waste up and naked from the waste down. Recently he has begun walking down the street either to go to the bank or his house. He has no savings or house. He can be very abusive which is the hardest for me to deal with. My husband and 22 year old son are here too. Last week he told me all I do is feed him SH--. and steal his money. I am really having a hard time with this. I feel like a prisoner. i just joined because I really need to know I am not alone in these feelings.

HI my name is melissa I live in south carolin with my father mother and husband My father is 64 and had AD he has family history of it and now I take care of him and have for 4 years. I have sibs who don't help and think that im selfish but i do what i do becouse i love him and don't want to see him in a nursing home i worked in one for about 7 years bfore my mom and dad got sick i don'tr agree with ther policy for AD patients My dad refuses to take the meds doctors had pescribed he says there posion and i know don't force him my family thinks im wrong but its his wishes. I f it was for my husband I think I would have gone crazy HEs and angel

My name is Ann and I live in Central Texas. My Mom was diagnosed a year ago and has lived with me and my husband since then. I quit my job to take care of her. She is in the early stage 5. I have recently started physical therapy with her twice a week. Mom has a lot of other issues like diabetes, high blood pressure and so on. This is my second go round with this disease as my grandmother had Alz. also. My mother took care of her...and I helped. I am glad I found this site. I have recieved a lot of support, advice and information.

Hello my name is Alice, I am 41 and I am new here. I have 3 daughters a step daughter 23 and my daughters are 23 and 21 my husband and I also have a 5 yr old son. When my son was little he realized that his name JD and daddy end in D or the d sound, so mommy's name should too. Thus my user name. My husband and I have been together for 16 and married for 9 of them. We share a farm with my husbands parents in south-central Ohio, who have health issues though none severe. My parents live 5 min away and my mother age 75 is in stage 5 AD. She still lives at home with my father. I am the 6th of 7 children. Most of my sibs live across the country and are unable to help. I have a brother that lives 3hrs away and is very good at giving my father advise without truly understanding the situation. Unfortunately he is the one my father listens to most. I have another brother that lives 15 minutes away but has admitted to pretending to be a screw up so my father won't call him. My father has health issues of his own (emphysima, asbestosis, copd, and an anyeurism on his spine) so it is left to me to help him care for my mother. My mother still knows who I am when I am with her, but as soon as I leave I become "that lady" she'll ask my dad "where did that lady go?" Her AD has progressed to the point where we have to feed her, bathe her, she is unable to care for herself. She can no longer walk on her own without falling down. So she is in a wheel chair. She spends all of her time watching old game shows on tv. She is on Aricept and Namenda though her disease is now progressing rapidly. I was never close to my mother so being in this role has been rather difficult for me.
Thanks
Alice

Hi, my name is Lupe. My mom has alzh. and she is 82 years old. She has had it for about 6 years now. She lives with my dad (he is 84), they live about 6 miles from me. My mom's progression with Alzh. has been pretty slow, and we have been lucky that she has not been combative. She has regressed more recently, and is now hallucinating. She told me that she sees little creatures, bugs with big glowing eyes in her room, but that she knows that they really are not there because she has tried to touch them. My sister lives out of the state, and I am beginning to really stress out over her Alzh. My mom also has breast cancer, and has congestive heart failure, so I am used to dealing with her various health problems. But these recent changes in her Alzh. are really freaking me out! And I feel selfish because I am so afraid that I will end up subjecting my daughter to the same illness that my mom has right now. I don't want to do this to my daughter, and I know that my mom has no control over her illness. I've been having trouble sleeping, nightmares about my mom and where this will take us. Anyway, have any of you felt this way? I feel selfish for worrying, and for feeling overwhelmed! I'm also so mad at this illness for taking my mom away, most of the time it feels like this other person has taken over her body. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent!

I'm DeeBee. I'm 58 years old, have 5 adult kids, and one "Ancient Toddler" (my 84-year-old Mom who is stage 5/6 with AD). DH and I are retired from the aerospace industry. We have had my Mom living with us for the last year. DH and I were fortunate enough to travel to Greece, Australia and Italy in the past few years, so neither one of us really feels "cheated" by being Mom's 24/7 caregivers. We get 8 - 12 hours of respite a week. One of us will hang out with Mom while the other goes for a walk or off to the store. I belong to a support group that meets every other Friday for 1 1/2 hours. All in all, it's been a not-too-traumatic experience, carewise, although my Mom is totally incontinent--that can get brutal sometimes. Mom and I have never been really close, so it's a little easier for me to distance myself from the situation when I need to.

Hi, I'm Chris my mom is 69 and in stage 6 of Alz. Right now she is in a hospital that specializes in her situation, they are getting her meds figured out. We have no idea when she will be released. My dad took her into the hospital one night and told them he couldn't deal with her anymore. So, now the state is her guardian. She went down hill really fast, just last Dec she was helping with Christmas dinner and doing pretty well. Then the last couple of months things have rapidly gone down hill. I have been through an emotional roller coaster. I was put on meds for stress myself last week. I also worry that I will get this disease. It is so awful!!! I just don't want my children to go through this. Mom and I were really close and I really miss being able to call her and just chatting.

My name is Dave and, up until recently, have been the main caregiver for my Mother. She has Alzheimers or some sort of dementia. She was recently hospitalized for wandering and is now in a memory care unit. Up until it hit close to home, I hadn't fully realized what a terrible and unfair disease this is! I feel like I am watching an incredible person die slowly. My mother was a teacher of latin, French, German, English and Swedish. Quite an amazing woman whose impact on my life cannot be quantifed. Although I see her regularly, I can't help but feel what is gone - never to be regained. I appreciate having this forum an feel for all of you in similar situations.

Dave

I am a 65 year old caregiver for my wife in North Texas. She was diagnosed in 2004 but I suspect she had it for several years prior to 2004. I am the primary caregiver and I get some help from a niece in the evenings. I have been retired for the last 10 years. All our family is in California but due to the high cost of living there I chose to remain in Texas. We used to travel to visit family but it has become almost impossible to make long trips. I am afraid of a plane because of possible problems if she has to use the toilet and travel by car presents its own problems. Lately my biggest concern is her state of hyperactivity, especially in the evenings. She is constantly arranging her books, magazines, etc. Very difficult to get her to sit down, TV is of little interest to her. Can anyone recommend medication that would slow her down? She is already taking Depakote, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Namenda, Razadyne and Hyoscyamine. She also takes a variety of vitamins and supplements. I would appreciate any help.

Hi, I'm Jean. I'm a 34 year old daughter of a newly "diagnosed" dad with Alzeimer's. Like any Father/Daughter dynamic, ours is special. I am still in the very early stages of dealing with the news. Although I am Christian, I am extremely angry at god and don't know how I'll ever be able to for give him/her/it for this. I have a great church family but have very little desire to go there. My father is a man who takes his education, formal and otherwise, very seriously. He also takes great pride in it; it is a very large part of his identity. Who will he be when he loses that? Will he still be my father when he forgets who I am? Of course there is the ever present question of WHY, WHY, WHY ringing in my head like a freight train through a tin tunnel.

My mother is under the dillusion that she can take care of dad until it is time for hospice. Being the youngest in the family, I have never been the one included in "grown up" situations but this is going to HAVE to be very different. How is that going to happen?

My older brother has been about as helpful and communicative as a bump on a pickle. How are we going to be team when dad needs us all?

So that is who I am. Right now.

My mom is constantly on the move also. My dad finally turned the door knob around so he could lock himself and mom in the same room at night (the lock used a key) He made the room safe by removing things that could harm mom. That way when they slept she would be ok if she woke up during the night. The hospital she is at is trying to get her calmed down with sequal (sp?)
and another medicine. She still walks around but doesn't seem as aggitated. She never was one to sit.

My name is Alaina, 50 yrs old, living in a Texas which is 1100 miles from my 75 yr old mother who lives on the east coast of Virginia in a very rural town and who has early stages alz (diagnosed about 2 1/2 yrs ago). My dad passed away at 68 in 1995. At the time I tried to get her to move here but she wouldn't. I am fortunate enough to have found a wonderful caregiver that spends about 10-15 hours a week with my mom,taking her to doc appts and just generally getting her out of the house. I feel blessed to have this woman as she is my eyes and ears regarding mom. Things are getting more and more difficult and I've joined this forum in hopes of gaining knowledge in regards to dealing with this horrible disease.

Hello. I'm brand new to this forum, but here's my story. My father, a retired minister, was diagnosed five years ago with AD. On Monday (Memorial Day) we will admit him to an assisted living facility, and my heart is absolutely broken that we have to do this. However, my mother, who is 78 years old, can no longer take care of him at home. He has declined dramatically within the last few months. He no longer knows his daughters (I have a sister) nor does he know his wife of nearly 58 years. To complicate matters, my mother, a twice survivor of cancer, will undergo major surgery on June 4th for what is more than likely a cancerous mass on her ovary. Needless to say, this is an extremely difficult time for my family and I felt the need to go somewhere to gain support from those who have been there or who are currently there.

How does one get through the guilt of having to admit your loved one into a care facility - we feel like we're abandoning our father/husband, yet we know it's our only option. AD is such an awful disease - to see such a vibrant individual who was loved by so many become almost child like and unable to care for himself and lose all dignity is one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.

Hello, my name is Deborah, and my husband Richard and I reside in Charlotte, NC. We have been married for 34 years, raised 4 children. We have recently taken in and care for his mom, who is in her 80's, and has this horrible disease. She needs
a good deal of supervision, such as her medications daily, but is still able to do little things here and there. She forgot who I was yesterday. She has forgotten her grandchildren at times, and then other times will remember them. I understand that we are in for a very trying, difficult time, and I am ready for that, my concern at this time is should I try and get her out to socialize? She does not want anyone to see her for fear she will make a fool of herself, and we are unsure what to do. Relocation from Florida to North Carolina was hard on her, so for right now we are taking it one day at a time. Any advise you can give will be much appreciated, I know we are going to need support as things get worse down the road. We love her very much and want to do what is best for her. Thank you in advance for being here, I am so glad I found this forum.

Misty 2 or Debbie, Ask your dad's doctor about an antipsychotic medecine to control his aggression. My husband became aggressive when he had an UTI. He was put on a minimum dose of Risperdol and I still use it to keep him manageable. I don't like doing it, but I want to keep him at home and cannot do that if he is aggressive. Remember it's the disease and find forgiveness for those things from the past and present that make caring more difficult. Blenda

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Hi, I'm new to this board - but not new to AD. My MIL was diagnosed with AD in late 2003/early 2004 and moved in with my husband and me in late 2004. Sadly, she had to be placed in a NH in June of last year and just passed away about a month ago. To go along with that, my now 92 year old mother was diagnosed with AD in 2005. She was doing ok living by herself, with frequent check-ins by my sisters and I, until August of last year. She took a "midnight stroll", the result of which she now lives with me and my husband. I couldn't tell you what stage she's in. She still knows all family members, can still feed herself, can dress herself but usually prefers someone help her. However, she does seem to have other symptoms from all stages of AD except stage 7. My husband, who is retired, stayed home with his mother and now stays home with my mother, since I'm still working. Just recently, we've started having a home health aide come in twice a week to stay with Mom, just to give my husband a break. I feel guilty having my husband staying with my mother - especially after he spent three years taking care of his mother, but I can't retire for another 2-1/2 years. I've been lurking on these boards for a while now, and everyone is so supportive, compassionate and caring. It helps having a place to vent, post questions, etc.

I am Mary. I have been caring for my mother who was diagnosed with Alzhemers about two years ago. Unfortunately by that time she was aready in the severe stage and it seemed to go down hill from there!! I did not believe it at fisrt and I sometimes still have trouble because I don't know whether says she really forgets things like her age or today's date just to get attention!!! I can tell by some of the posts that I've read that I am a novice and feel a little out of place because all of you seem to know so much more than I do. I have three brothers but they are always too busy with their families to help and since my mother is a retired teacher and has property I must pay for any help that I get which very hard sometime because I live in a very small town in Jesup,GA. I have read every thing that I can find out about her condition and literally stay on WEB_MD but am not a member of any surpport group. I rarely get to go to church anymore because Mama gets nrevous when I leave her. She is partially disabled and used a walker and falls and slides down a lot, so I'm afraid to leave her alone for any lenght of time. I thought that joining the group might help me with some of my frustrations. By the way, I am also a retired asst. principal and ex. teacher and had to retire because of all my health issues and Mama was taking care of me first. Now the shoe is on the other foot and I don't think I am handleing it very well. Mama teaches at night to a group of students that aren't there anymore. I thought first that she was dreaming about it, but now is does it while she's awake just sitting in her chair. She constantly sees people that aren't there. I don't seem to cope well with staying up all night and sleeping when she sleeps doing the day because even though I pay a lady to come in and help me sometimes I still have the cleaaning ,washing and other chores to do!! But i am glad to know that it is not usual for her to want some sweet to eat all night. But I'm afraid to let her eat so much at night but she has a "fit" when she doesn't have it. She also has kidney problems because I can't seem to get her to drink water anymore. Anyone have any suggestions????? Thank you!!!!

Hi everyone,
I am a 37 year old Pet stylist/ Salon manager and busy Mom of 4 boys. My Dad has just been diagnosed with alzheimers and I find myself overwhelmed in sadness. My Mom passed away 5 years ago after being so sick with Lupus and a lung transplant. My kids are 17,9,6 and 5 all boys. One whom is diabetic and another who is bipolar.My mother in law also lives with us because of health issues.
My Dad lives alone about an hour away. Right now he has a girlfriend that has been instrumental with his diagnosis. She was a friend of my Mom's until her death. His best friends live close by and also have been involved. He will be 70 this year.
God Bless each of you that has been stricken by this disease in one regard or another.

My name is Ruth. My wonderful husband is helping me for my 88 year old mother. Her neurologist tells us/her that she has "memory loss disorder" and she has been taking Aricept for about 4 years and now also Namenda for about 2. When I read about the "stages" on the ALZ website I would put her somewhere between 4 and 5. After reading many of these posts I feel lucky. My siblings and their families and my own grown children are all emotionally supportive but not able to help much physically as they are scattered by geography. My mom is still pleasant, optimistic, and grateful for our help. After a long slow plateau she is starting to sleep more and has become more physically frail. My husband's parents both had dementia before they died, one in 1994 and one in 2001. My dad had Parkinsons with dementia before he died in 2004. All were in their 80's. We no longer think that living long is so great! We are in our 60's now, retired, and just hoping to have some life left to ourselves before we get where our parents were. But we have many blessings and count them every day! My thoughts are with all of you wonderful people taking care of your loved ones!

Hi, my name is Cassie and I live in San Diego along with my husband and 2 pups. 3 yrs ago Mother was hospitalized in FL and I did the emergency trip home. I knew that she shouldn't be living alone but Mother is penna. dutch (extemely stubborn)and wouldn't move. I did have a care giver going in daily but Mother would lock her out,etc. so actually it was a blessing that the caregiver found her on the floor and called 911. Mother was dehydrated, confused but unhurt. She sundowned in the hospital and they insisted that I stay at night to care for her - the start of this adventure. Luckily she was so weak that I was able to bring her back to San Diego w/o a fuss. She has been diagonsed with severe dementia and probable moderate alzheimer's. Healthwise she has suffered from COPD for more than 30 years. Mother recently turned 90. She has a caregiver 5 days/wk as both my husband (the saint) and I work FT. I have been "lurking" and appreciate the willingness of so many people to share.

Hi! My ID is mrsvgrant and I am joining because my 77 yr old father-in-law's dementia seems to be getting worse and my husband can't deal with it. God Bless my mother-in-law as she's basically just putting up with Dad's behaviors as she has very little control over what he does. She tries to get him to take his medication but he is inconsistent with it. Additionally, he is borderline diabetic but doesn't watch his diet (again, Ma tries as well as me and my husband when we're together). I just joined today because I'm hoping I can find support that I can use now and as this disease progresses. Thanks!

Hello , rainn here , I `TAKE CARE OF MY SISTER-IN- LAW AS CAREGIVER,MY SISTER-IN-LAW IS 82 i HOPE I CAN MAKE IT, THE TWO OF US LOST OUR HUSBANDS AND NOW SHE HAS ALZHEIMERS.

Howdy everyone.. my name is Cynthia.. aka.. Mooncat... i am primary caregive to my 83yr old mother.. we have been actively living with alz about 10 yers now.. took us 5 yrs to convence her physican that there was more to her memory problems than just depression! We have a long family history with the "long good by".. my maternal grandmother and her 6 siblings all suffered with alzheimers.. makes me fearful of my future and the benefits of genetic testing for the alz gene?! .. i personaly, with this past knowledge of the disease process, how horrific it is, and that i am a nurse.. have greaved from the moment i started noticing changes in moms mental abilities.. Alz has just about consumed my life as well as my two daughters, who help as much as they can to provide me respite.. we are at about mid 7 level.. but as you know that changes daily.. some better.. some worse.. my age is 53, twin daughters ages 27.. Sadly, i do have two older brothers who live about 30-45min drive away, but yet havent seen.. spoken to.. phoned.. or mailed a card to their mother in 5 yrs.. i find strength and comfort from all of you who are suffering with the effects of ALZ in your lives.. that you are willing to share your stories and most of all just listen!

I am Pauline, my mother has az. plus a tumor on the brain, so if it rains,,, too bad for me. We live in south central ky. I have no siblings, and a deceased father. so, it is Mom and I and a partner David. He does a good job with her. He works 12 hr days, on a swing week like... works 2 off 3. ok, guess ya know. and golfs. I have crohns disease w/ colostomy, but I provide for a 79 yr old mother. Yeah, I get tired, but, she is Mom, and she did not ask for this condition. I have pets, oh and plenty of them. Mom goes to daycare and it helps. gives ne a break. David and I do nothing together. use to, but not anymore. Mother stays up all nite sometimes and talks, and i mean in her own world. Her and I can't have a conversation. I dress, prepare meals, and sometimes spoon feed her. Finger foods work well. , change diapers, empty potty chair and put her in her wheelchair to go to daycare. She can walk sometimes with assistance only. I feel like a maid sometimes, but if Mom could change this she would. I always look at it this way. I give all the meds also. She is on aricept and nemenda , plus alot of other meds. Trazadone and nerve pills make her worse. Found it out the hard way, when she tore the curtains off the wall by her hospital bed.
Just remember this,,,, if they could change it they would.

Hi, my name is Maureen in North Carolina. I am new both to this forum and to the Alz./dimentia
scene. My Dad is at beginning stages and I am having a hard time watching his short time memory losing grip with him. Being the youngest of four at 42 years old, I was (and am) Daddy's little girl. Having lots of teary nights...does anyone have any thoughts of getting a "newbie" such as myself through the first stages and also how to be a strong supoort system to my Mom?

Hi my name is Jeanie, just found this forum and believe it is just what I needed. I live in Oregon and am Guardian and full time caregiver for my 77yo mother. I am a Nutritional Therapist so have taken a very holistic approach to this disease. She is physically very healthy and I believe the protocol I have used has slowed the delcine (although no real way of knowing.) She has six other children that I do not claim as family, they only call if at all to yell at me that I need to do this or I am doing that wrong. Thank God for caller ID ! Two of my three children 17 and 10 live at home and it has been hard on them, their lives have been turned upside down. They only know her as she is now and not how she was and I sometimes can see some resentment because we have lost so much of our freedom, our life as we knew it. Then I will see them be so gentle and kind to her it makes my heart swell with pride. I know this experience will teach them empathy and compassion. My best advice is to laugh. We laugh at everything, otherwise it becomes real.
Thank you,
Jeanie

My name is Kelly and I look after my 80 yr old mom in house. She is stage six and fortunately, sweet as pie. My sister and I share respons. for her, with me working days and alternate week-ends. This way, my sister can still work and take care of her family. Fortunately, I am single and live with a housemate, so we have plenty of time to help mom. I am 44 yrs. and we live in Oregon. Thank God mom has a trust fund, so I could afford to drop my career managing dental offices to care for her. I have no idea what we would have done, otherwise. We are incredibly fortunate in many ways...we can afford to look after her without help; she is adorable and makes me smile every day, and four out of five siblings support us. Also, we are able to look after her at home, so we can avoid worrying about her in a care facility. I discovered this site yesterday and literally wept reading some of your stories. No matter what mum throws at me--BM's on the floor, locking people out of our house, wandering and hiding things etc... I will always be able to appreciate what we have compared to those who are fighting every single day. Bless all of you!

I always tell people I know much more about Alzheimer's than I ever wanted to. My mother's brother was diagnosed at 68 and my mother and aunt attended support groups to help their SIL.

Then my aunt was diagnosed at 78..I was the coordinator of her care..found the aides, the daycares, the NH, visited her regularly with my mother ...

and then, at 85, my mother was diagnosed.

At 59, I'm the only adult child on the east coast (and the only one who is willing and able). I live with my mother--am hoping to keep her out of NH's but am also trying to pay attention to whether I feel (generally) sane and happy
. I work part-time, have hired a few aides, have my mother in daycare two days a week.

She's now 90 so we have been through many stages of this disease.. A year and a half ago she suffered frightening (to her and me) delusions, but with drugs and time we've mostly moved on.
I am finding it so helpful to read everyone's ideas on this site.. Dealing with Alz creatively is definitely a group sport. Thank you all.

Hi I am new to this message board and already have learned so much in just 2 days.

My name is Shirley and live in southern Missouri. I am 54 and am taking care of my mother who is 73 and about late stage 5 AD. My grandmother also died from AD. I have watched my mother get worse over the years but she is in denial and would not let me help in anyway or let me take her to a doctor. Now she needs help dressing and bathing and cannot cook or do simple things herself. I feed her a huge meal and then she does not remember eating it just minutes later.
It helps so much to read about other people facing these problems and the positive suggestions on how to deal with them. Thanks to everyone who posts here.

My name is Jamie St. Claire and I work in the assisted living industry. Each of our facilities have a special alzheimer's unit. Recently, a very dear family friend was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and caregiving has taken on an even deeper meaning for me on a personal level.

My company, Maristone Senior Living, is located in Middle Tennesse and we currently have three properties with more in the works. My job is to oversee the programming. In addition to assisted living, we also offer in-home health care, transitional counseling, a VIP travel club for all seniors.

I'm looking forward to interacting with all of you here on the message boards.

Many Blessings,
Jamie

Hi, I'm Cherise from Burbank, IL - I'll be 47 years old in a few weeks. I have 2 grown children and 4 step-children. My husband and I sold our old ranch type home 5 years ago to my mom and step-dad; we bought a bigger house a few blocks away so that I could be near by to take care of them. Mom was diagnosed with AD about the same time. She is 70 years old and my step dad is 85 (although he is sharp as a tac and a God-send). Mom is a recovering alcholic who has been sober for over 30 years. I am the person who takes care of everything for her, even though I have 2 other siblings. They have never forgave mom for the pain she put us through with her alcholism and are not very close to her. I always tried to view it as a disease and therefore played the mother role to her most of our lives. Now I feel trapped in the role. Thank God I found this forum, even though I am very new to it, the inspiration that I have received here is invaluable,

Maureen,
I too am pretty much a newbie here and can't offer a whole lot of info other than the fact it can change from day to day. Keep an open mind and try not to let anything shock you. I'm a year into this disease and one day she's mom - the way I knew her and next morning she's a raving lunatic, seeing god and doing what god told her.
Just hang in there and come back to these forums whenever you feel lost. They are a godsend.
Good luck and sending smiles and hugs out to you - for what they're worth
Kathy

Hello, my name is Heather. I'm 36, in South Texas, and new to this group.
My Mom's 60 and has AD. I'm not sure the stage, but her memory and cognitive skills have been declining for several years now. Diagnosis was about 1.5 yrs ago, and she's taking Aricept and Namenda. So far it's mostly cognitive and emotional problems, not many physical ones.
She is also an 11-yr breast cancer survivor, and was a serious fighter when that disease hit her. This one has left her feeling that she's worthless (can't work and earn money, does things wrong, "can't be worth much" she says).
I think I've done most all my crying already. It came when I realized something was happening but no one wanted to admit it or seek medical assistance. I understand not wanting something to be wrong, but it angered me to no end to see my parents not addressing it. With persistence they finally did. (I don't like the outcome, but the diagnosis doesn't create the illness.)
I already feel like I've lost my Mom, because we can't have rational conversations. I moved away for college and early jobs, so I didn't get to know her well as an adult, and I feel like AD has robbed me of that parent-adult child relationship.
My fiance (the absolute best man in the world for me!) and I are building a house next door to my parents so we can help take care of Mom and my 93-yr-old Grandpa, and Dad if he ever needs it. My brother's 5 hours away; supportive; raising his three kids.
I have so many questions, and so many fears about the future. I guess I'll get to those over time - searching the list and asking questions. Thanks, ya'll!

My name is Meredith and I live in northeastern North Carolina. My mother, Jackie, was diagnosed with AZ about 5 yrs ago. She and my dad live in northeast Alabama. Mom is 77 and my dad is 80. While I'm not a direct caregiver, I do attempt to help my dad with a shoulder to lean on and a place to vent. My mom has always been a cheerful person, always speaking highly of everyone, never negatively. The past few months she has gotten more and more angry. I'm fearing the day she becomes violent. My parents presently babysit my 1 yr old granddaughter a few days a week. My mom's change in personality has me concerned for my grandbaby's wellbeing. My daughter see's nothing to be concerned about.

I'm hoping to gleen knowledge, and support, from the message boards here. Right now I feel like I'm lost.

Hi,
My name is Nancy, I just joined this evening. My mother has had AD for 6 years. For 3 of those years, she stayed in her small townhouse near my brother's home. We all (5 children) took turns going over and caring for her. My sister in law became a paid care giver for her (she was the only one not working)the last year she stayed in her home. She went into assisted care and did ok for two years, then wandered once and with that she was down in the Altz. unit. How hard and depressing that was for us all, she was one of the better ones for quite a few months, questioned why she was there, kept wanting to go back home, etc. Well, she has progressed, not sure what stage, maybe moderate-mid stage. She does not know us, once in while there is a glimmer of recognition. She communicates a little, asked my sister and I last evening if she had any children. It has become so very hard to go see her. I feel I have almost completely lost her. I am always feeling guilty that if I am not doing anything on a given day, that I should go into see her. I just posted a question about us removing her from aerocept and nemenda.
Thanks for listening, how very terrible this disease is.

Nancy L.

Hello,
My name is Aileen. I retired from my job of 16 yrs to move in with my parents. My mom has Dementia about 4 yrs now. She is 75 and my Dad is 83 (but very well and still quite sharp). Both my brothers died several years ago so I'm the only one left to take care of them. Although my Dad wasn't too sure of me leaving my job, he is soooo happy now that I did. My mother and I didn't get along that well and fought often. I have had to reign in myself every now and then. Being in Florida we are able to go out most days. It is hard on Dad but we do have our laughs. It's the only way to get through this terrible disease.

Morning..my name is Joy I live in Orlando, Fl. my husband is 91 and has dementia.I am 71...just is not easy...I can use all the help I can get. my e-mail is herndonjoy@bellsouth.net
I enjoy personal letters...JOY

Best wishes to all caregivers. My name is Diana and I've been caring for my 86-year old Mom for seven years but had to move in with her on Dec. 20, 2007 because she can no longer be left by herself. I count my blessings that things are as good as they are. I've been reading the message boards for a couple years but decided to register. Hang in there. I will too.

My name is Veronica. My father is 78 with Alzheimers (end stage), my mother is 80 (good health), married for 57+ years. I (with my husband & daughter) moved in with them 2 years ago for financial and emotional reasons. Dad was in a nuring home for about 3 months following a mild stroke but Mom wanted to care for him at home -- she was driving to the nursing home every day to care for him there, so we got a care provider to help her at home.

Hello All- My name is Carol. I am fairly new to this site. We have 2 grown children both married
We live in Topeka,Ks. My daughter and our awsome son-in-law live in the Central coast of
California.
My son and his wife live here in Topeka. My husband of 38 yrs. was diagnosed with FLD a little over 2yrs.ago. He had just retired from the railroad at age 62.

His symptoms at this time are still mild. I pray
each day for God to stop this disease from destroying anymore of his brain. I go to the chat room for caregivers almost everyday.

It has been such a lifesaver for me. Each and every one there first and formost offers understanding and compassion. Each one has experience and invaluable information. I have gone on many a day depressed and left with my
spirits lifted.

I have done much research on my husbands diagnosis of Frontal Lobe Dementia. His
symptoms due not match the diagnosis.
A wonderful woman who herself has been diagnosised with dementia is a member of this
site.

She directed me to look up Lewy body dementia.
And there they were the symptoms I have been
trying to find for almost two years.
I will forever be grateful to her for being a
wonderful advocate on this site. This site is my life line. The chat room is filled with
new friends.

Hi. I am a newbee here. I live in central Kentucky and I am a full time caregiver for my husband's grandmother. She has been with us for two months. We also have four children, 9, 7, 4 and 3. I homeschool my children, so as you can imagine, I am very busy. I am glad to find this group as I am full of questions and am forever wondering how to handle various situations. I look forward to reading about your experiences and learning from you.

Hello! I have just joined this message board. My name is Ashley and I am 25 years old. I am married with a 1 1/2 year old daughter and we are currently living in the house of my grandmother who has alzheimer's. Prior to my husband and I getting married three years ago, we made the deal with my uncle and my dad that we would move in to help out my grandmother. At that point the only effects of alzheimers was an occasional memory slip. I knew that this was a progressive disease but never in my life did I realize that it would come to what it has and she is not even advanced yet. She is 81 years old and still has control off bathroom functions and can still dress herself but daily chores such as laundry and preparing a meal are impossible for her. We have restricted her driving because it is not safe for her to be on the road. I am the one who drives her to church, to the beauty shop and to the store when she wants to go.

That is pretty much my situation at the moment.

Hi, I'm Georgia (35) and my grandmother has AD. My grandfather cares for her, but is in denial. Often time she doesn't recognize him and doesn't recognize her home. If any of her 5 children come by to visit, she seems to calm down.

I'm really struggling with my role in all this and trying to understand what I can do to help. I also have a 5 year old son. I'm struggling with what to say to him the next time we visit grandma.

Hello, my name is Jerry and I am 49 years of age, I live in Southern California and have all of my life. I'm the youngest of five siblings and both of my parents are still with us. My mother has Dementia/Alzheimer's disease. I have sold my house and resigned from my 20 year career to help my father take care of my mother. I wish the best to all of you. PS, I attended my first Alzheimer's disease support group yesterday, it sure was helpful and the next time I will take my father.

Hi. My Father has dementia. My Mother kept us from ever assisting and did want to get assistance. Now she has Cancer and has throw me into this. I took Dad from the home I grew-up in and put him into an assisted living facility. I had to move him because he likes to walk and the courtyard and the square of the building wasn’t enough. He went out an emergency exit and now he’s in a lock down unit.
Today was rough! Mom has had 3 radiation treatments and doesn’t want any more, she wants to die. Went to see Dad and for the past 3 days I’ve tried to get him to shower. He never stops eating. Everything he can all that he can. He yelled at me because he doesn’t want to shower and doesn’t care. “What difference does it make, I’m alone and I don’t need to take one if I don’t want to” is what I was told. I told him he acts like a spoiled child and he is going to make me yell at him just like he was one. I did got angry and left. I don’t want to go back but I will because 5 minutes after I left he isn’t aware of any of it, but I am and I don’t like it. You can reason and bargain with a child but not with AD.
I called the 24 hr number today and got an area support group. I’ll be at the next meeting. I wish my work schedule would permit more than one a month.

Hi, I'm Midge, my husband was diagnosed with AD May 28, '08. My story isn't much different from many others here. He is in the early, mild stage, but I am still reeling from the news (but I knew it would be the final DX). I am scared most of the time and very sad that our life is going to change as I never dreamed it would. I have three great kids, one an RN, that I know will be supportive of me and their dad, so I know I am lucky. I'm also very pleased to have found this site where I know will be coming to "vent" and soundoff to and with people who understand like no one else can. Thanks.

I live in Wa with my husband and 3 children, 2 of them are in Elem. school. I also run a small business in my home-I downsized as my role as care provider to my mom increased. My mom has always been very difficult and family relations strained. She lives alone and myself and another care person helps her with daily life. She is in denial and angry. She is never fulfilled. Everything is drama and confusion. She refuses most everything obvious that would be helpful. I am going to need a lot of advice and support! Thanks!

My name is Kay. My 79 yr old mother in law moved in with us one year ago. She was diagnosed early stages of AD in Aug 2007. I have an 8 yr old son and a 4 mo old daughter (this isn't a typo). I'm 41 and trying to figure out how to be daughter-in-law and caregiver. Hard to separate the two. Have been working to try and get someone to come in and help with mom, as my husband and I both work full time. Mom is depressed, on oxygen full time, had heart attack in Oct 2007, stroke in March 2008, and on numerous meds. Hubby has 5 siblings, of which only one comes once a week. No other support by any of the siblings is given. Glad to be part of the group!