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Agreement with My Family about Driving
To my family: The time may come when I can no longer make the best decisions for the safety of others and myself. Therefore, in order to help my family make necessary decisions, this statement is an expression of my wishes and directions while I am still able to make these decisions. I have discussed with my family my desire to drive as long as it is safe for me to do so. When it is not reasonable for me to drive, I desire ________________ (person’s name) to tell me I can no longer drive. I trust my family will take the necessary steps to prohibit my driving in order to ensure my safety and the safety of others while protecting my dignity. Signed _____________________________________________ Date ______________ Copies of this request have been shared with: _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ www.thehartford.com/alzheimers © 2000 The Hartford, Hartford, CT 06115 Agreement about Driving The Agreement about Driving can help caregivers and persons with dementia plan ahead for the time when the person with dementia must limit or stop driving. This informal agreement does not restrict driving at the moment of signing, but designates a person to take necessary steps to ensure driving safety in the future. The agreement is not a legal contract, but it does allow families to discuss matters and agree on a course of action before a crisis and while the person with dementia is capable of making decisions. The signed statement has limitations. It does not tell caregivers when driving should stop, and it does not ensure that the person with dementia will comply once the disease progresses. However, it is a tool to help caregivers balance independence and safety. |
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Campingnana, this is a great idea. It may help some people. I am truly of the opinion that people should have mandatory re-testing on driving ability when they reach a certain age or if a doctor thinks it would be a good idea. I just don't know what that age is. 70? 75? I do quite a bit of traveling around by car and see WAY too many people who should definitely not be driving.
I watched a man come out of my Mom's NH, using two canes, couldn't step off the curb, in a handicapped parking space, took him 15 minutes to walk past two parking spaces. I thought someone was waiting for him to drive him somewhere. Well, nope! He got in the driver's side, turned on the car (after two minutes getting settled) and then took 5 minutes to back out of the space, almost hit someone walking in the parking lot, and then drive off VERY VERY slowly. I looked back at the facility and there was a nurse in the upstairs window watching him pull out of the driveway. He took a right hand turn and pulled up the street, still very slowly. The next day I saw the nurse and asked her what that was all about, her watching the man. She said he really wasn't supposed to be driving and his family had asked her to watch him because he lived at the top of the hill in an over 60 housing complex. The family thought it was ok for him to drive down the hill and back up but that was it. Her job was to call the family immediately if he took a left turn instead of a right turn. Now..... isn't that a little scary? If he takes a left turn he is on a majorly busy road with four lanes and a busy factory across the road. Sorry for going on so long. Just amazed sometimes at the extent people go through to avoid the extra work or confrontation. Thanks for listening! Back to work now! SusanO |
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The contract idea is wonderful. But as we all know it is unlikely that family or patient choice to do this is all contingent on their level of understanding, and level of denial. Therefore, something such as this should be implemented as MANDATORY by DMV, INSURANCE CO's, or both. That would be WONDERFUL!
Diana Diana ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lost husband Paul to Alzheimer's Disease... he's found peace at last...March 14, 2009 <" {{{{>< ~~~ <"{{{{><~~~ <"(((><~~~<"({()})>< ~~~ <"{{{{>< ~~~ <"((((><~~~ Isaiah 43:2 My father, James, is in stage 6-7 of Alzheimer's and resides in Memory Care facility. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. ~~~It's about learning to dance in the rain. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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Good post, campingnana!
 I found this info a bit too late for my parents, but it is part of a set of Conversations with an Older Driver that encourages a family to discuss the driving issue before it becomes one. Unfortunately it still seems that it's easier to talk to a parent about whether they want "heroic measures" used to keep them alive and/or how they want their funeral to be arranged than it is to discuss when they should stop operating heavy machinery that can kill babies and other living things. Best driving "rule of thumb" is to ask yourself whether you would have a problem accompanying your impaired LO on every outing OR even more telling... would you mind if your child or grandchild constantly accompanied your LO when he or she drove. ~~~~~ "When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times" -- Posey Benetto in Mitch Albom's "for one more day" |
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it is a good thought---I know with mom it would never have worked...she still thinks she should be able to drive and would if her car was there. I have told her license revoked no insurance and everything else---after her license was revoked she wanted the car there just to make others think someone was home since she is a widow ---- sounded good so took the set of keys from her---she called the locksmith and they came (ON A SUNDAY) made new sets---had her give me them---she had additional sets made...lucky for me her battery died so car got towed away and eventually sold--she still wants it back and even will critize my driving and tell me she is the much better driver ---- I have told her that is sad because regardless I'm the only one readily available to haul her around....
She is now on the kick of perhaps buying a car (there are a few tempting car dealers out there in TV land and they do make car ownership sound easy) that and she should never have sold her car ("haste makes waste") I have told her that she still wouldn't have a car do to no insurance, no valid license but she still thinks its her right.....I have even told her that if she were to get in accident I could lose everything as well as her --- her reply "so" This is the hardest thing to do --- I just think it is good to remove and have it stay removed--- Should also add that the current kick is that she will know when to put herself in assist. living and will let me know---  Into the Mist by Deborah Uetz www.intothemist.us Behind every “I’m fine” is a mind full of confusion trying to get out” author unk . |
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My mom with AD stopped driving on her own when she started becoming confused so we never had to battle that one.
My dad--who was in denial of the whole AD thing-- did not have AD but was 79 and we were concerned about his driving because of his age and problems with medication. The Dr. agreed so put in a request to the State for re-testing. He had to voluntarily surrender his license and boy, the FIGHT was on. We knew he would still drive anyway so took the car away too. Not pleasant at all but none of us wanted to take responsibility for what might happen with him behind the wheel. Would I have riden with him? NO! Would I have let my daughter ride with him? NO WAY!! SOOO he was on a mission to get his driver's license back! My oldest brother, who was handling their money, told him to do what he needed to do. He found out what he needed to do to get it back, hired a lawyer to help him, and off he went. It was good because it gave him something constructive to do. The driver's license bureau determined--in their infinite wisdom--that he was okay to drive with certain restrictions. I believe he got his license back in April of 2002. In July of 2002, I get a call from the hospital that he and my mom were in a wreck and were there. I went to the hospital prepared to give him H@#L and was convinced HE was the one at fault. Turns out that he was on life support and HE WAS NOT THE ONE AT FAULT! My dad "did not believe in wearing seat belts" so he didn't have his on. My mom had always worn her seat belt but with the AD no longer remembered to do it but my dad always made sure she was buckled up. She had some serious physical injuries but recovered from those. I am just SO glad that we weren't the ones on the other end of the resulting lawsuit and we weren't responsible for another person's death and/or serious injury. It all worked out okay eventually because with the money from the lawsuit we were able to keep my mom as comfortable as possible with private caregivers until last week when she entered a hospice care facility. The lawsuit money is helping there too. My dad NEVER could have handled seeing my mom in her past and current condition. An interesting side note though is that the defense in the lawsuit argued--among other things like my dad was 79 years old so his life wasn't worth much--that my mom couldn't EVEN remember my dad so she didn't deserve much for HER LOSS |
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Have I ever mentioned what lowlifes I think some lawyers are? Whatever it takes to win, I suppose. I couldn't do it. ~~~~~ "When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times" -- Posey Benetto in Mitch Albom's "for one more day" |
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Oh, other parts of it were just as good  The driver of the truck that hit them was charged with criminally negligent homicide (a misdemeanor!) in my dad's death. He told the Judge that my dad died because WE took him off life support!!To top it off, the trucking company was letting this bozo drive a semi knowing full well that he was such a bad driver that their insurance company had "specifically excluded" him from their insurance policy 6 months before the crash. SOOO, there was no insurance coverage and no one but us seemed to care he was driving without insurance. One would think we would be multi-millionaires with this lawsuit, right? WRONG!!! The trucking company claims they didn't have much money. Let me tell you, this seemed like a never ending ordeal. The trucking company said that IF we went to court and got a judgement against them that was more than they were willing to pay, they would file for bankruptcy and we would get nothing. AND they could have done it and then started up again under a different name and we would have got nothing. As nice as punitive damages would have been  we were content to settle with what we thought would keep our mom comfortable through the rest of her life. It just goes to show that good guys don't always finish last--at least not in this life! |
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I am wondering if this same type contract shouldn't be done by each son & daughter concerning the childrens envolvment in the care of their parents.
Vicki B, C.G. |
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GKF
I am so sorry. It still amazes me how horrible people can be. How can that man, his lawyer, the trucking company...sleep at night? My mind does not comprehend such unkindness. Nessa Caregiver for my 73 year old father, 81 year old mother-in-law, and 49 year old husband. |
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Thank you, Campingnana for bringing this to our attention. It is really important! Trouble and the Grace to bear it, come in the same package. |
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The contract sounds great to someone who is willing to abide by it. I know my dad will literally kill himself if he was told not to drive. He has 4 places he goes and never more than about a 5 min ride each. Anywhere else we drive him. I found a note written on a piece of napkin on a table. Saying something to the effect that the man writing it is not well and knows it and he will talk to his part-time woman friend. It had my name on it and I don't really know when it was written (pretty sloppy) . So he had some thought of his well being. Now of course the last few weeks he wants to take lady friends for drives from the senior cemter but thats a future event. He lives for his cars. I drove with him and he does well but I'm sure by the way he talks something will happen. Just hope we stop him in time-Chris
Long Island New York |
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I didn't do this with my mom either.
It is a good idea for those that are in the early stage.....or earlier! If you wait for it to advance.....it is most likely to late to even think about. |
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A big thumbs up campingnana. I referred to this contract in a previous thread, but had forgotten where I found it. A big thank you! In my situation it was a useful tool.
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wonderful idea...unless you have a family like mine!!! lol CAN YOU SPEL DENIAL??? lol
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ttt
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Thx so much for this - I've retyped it and saved it on my computer. My husband is not in denial....before too long, when the subject comes up, I'll ask him if he will help us now by signing it. Great resource.
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ttt
AL(heimers) is mean and nasty monster i wish he would just DIE! but until then he will never see ME cry! so i remain Zerotears |
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