Hello all

I thought I would give an update on Mom. I moved her to assisted living on Monday and so far she is doing pretty good. I thought we were in for trouble on Sunday wen we moved most of the stuff over. She was crying and sullen in the morning so I just went over there myself with the first load of stuff. By the time I got home she was helping box up odds and ends and was not doing too bad. My husband and our friend moved all the big stuff over and then I went back over to do a little "fixin" She didn't go over at all on Sunday but we both went over the first thing on Monday. She thought the place looked good and was pretty happy. I stayed with her all day and we putzed around and did a bit more shopping. I had to go home at 3:00pm because my son had a dentist appt. but came back at 5pm and stayed until about 7:30pm. She kept telling me to go hime and be with my family but I actually had a hard time leaving her there (the phone was not hooked up in her room yet) I had to work on Tuesday but I got off a bit early and went over. She had gone to an exercise class (knock me over with a feather!) and also said the food was very good.

I am home with a sick kid today but I finally got throught to her on the phone - she was out decorating cupcakes for halloween. The staff seem great at getting her to participate. I feel so releived that it is going well. Of course, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop but for now I am thrilled that it is going so well.

I am going to try to post some pictures on the Kodak site if I can remember how. Thanks again for all your support - I read all the time even if I cannot post.


Ruth
Loopy chucklebrains (from the screen name thread)

Ruth:
Thank you for the update, and I'm happy to hear all is going well.

Ruth..this is the kinda news we all love to hear...thanks for sharing...so glad that mom is adjusting and participating...that is great!!

kim

Loopy Chucklebrains,

I am so happy to hear that things are going well. Don't look for the other shoe to drop, enjoy the moment. Usually the first few weeks are the hardest. It sounds like your mom adjusted really well. I love to read the happy stories.

Pinky Pottychunks

Hey Loopy --- Cool Beans!!! So glad its going well. Sounds like your mom is adjusting quickly and that it is a positive experience.

Mari -- Pinky PizzaNose

I'm so glad things are going great! I hope it continues to go well.

Ruth, So happy it has worked out for you. Take it one day at a time as she's doing well and might get off course at times. But...we know how to use those therapeutic fibs don't we.

Keep the faith...

I guess I should have expected this - Mom is crying and wants to come home. I cannot go over there today - I have parent-teacher conferences tonight - I don't know what I would say anyway - yesterday was a great day - I took her out shopping and she came over for dinner. Maybe I should not bring her to the house. I hate the thought of that.

I knew it was too good to be true.... I was just starting to relax a little - stress level through the roof again at the thought of her sitting there crying.

While I was talking to her - someone (resident) walked into her room and she was confused about where she was - I told mom to walk her to the nurses station and she did but she didn't hang up the phone before she left... The ALF room doors close behind them but may times they do not close all the way - I have found her door open several times...

Gotta go - I'm sad now...

Aw, Ruth, I know how hard that is. To be honest, I would have been surprised if something like that DIDN'T happen.

As far as bringing her to your house, don't think about never bringing her there again, but maybe just not for a while until she gets settled. I think they need to spend as much time as possible getting used to their new "digs".

You need to remain positive on every front. Always make a big deal out of all the nice things about her place. Allow her to feel sad sometimes, but try to minimize it and move on to happy thoughts. They all feel sad for their homes and the independence they've lost.

You take care of you first. Keep breathing. It will be "okay". Maybe not always wonderful, but okay.

Hi Ruth,
I know it's hard, but this is totally understandable. It is very hard for us caregivers to deal with our LO's sadness and crying about this because we want them to be happy. I said that over and over after my mom moved to the ALF -- "I just want my mom to be happy". You have to keep telling yourself that she is safe and cared for, so there is no emergency that you have to deal with. Go to your parent teacher conferences tonight, they are important too. Try to not think about your mom - like I said, she is safe. Besides, their moods change so frequently, that even if you did run over there, she may not even be upset by the time you get there! I know with my mom, she had her good days and her bad days, depending on what was going on at the ALF, but "I want to go home" was a frequent mantra.

Take care, you are doing fine. Keep us posted.

Mari

I so understand how you feel. It just breaks my heart when my mom asks if she can live with me, and I have to explain to her that the NH is her home and that they are giving her the care that I'm not able to and that even though she is there, I will always come see her and that I love her very much. It is hard, but we are doing the right thing for our loved ones. She will adjust. It sounds like a good place she is in and that they will keep her busy. My mom does tell me she likes the NH. My mom stopped crying some months ago even before the NH, so I don't know if it's the progression of her Alzheimer's or not. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing! You are a good daughter.

The aids at mom's ALF said that its really hard on them when you take them home for the first several months. And I'm sure it would be, they would understandably think they're going to stay "home." We were told that mom really needed to settle in, get used to the schedule and the people. That we were welcome any time, but the more mom participated in the activities and got to know other people instead of depending on us for everything the easier it would be on her in the long run. Hang in there - this is a learning process too.
Marie

Thanks for the support - I know you are all right. I think I feel like that lil bugger tricked me into thinking it would be OK. I know she didn't but it just caught me off guard.

She called my Aunt and asked her if she could go home with her when she came to visit next week. Aunt Hannah asked mom if I had been over and she said she had not seen me since I left her there.... This was after I spent the whole day with her yesterday. It is hard to think that I am running over there several times a week and she does not even remember it. Guess I just have to remember this is not all about me... I hate that!!

Yeah, the loss of "some" short term memory is the rough one. Yesterday my sis went and spent time with mom and they went to the cooking demonstration at the ALF, sampled some of the pumpkin tart and visited with the chef (who we know personally). By the time my sis got home mom was calling wondering where she'd been cause she didn't answer the phone, and she hadn't been to any cooking demonstration. But let there be something that you want them to forget and elephantitus takes over and they remember that for months and months Hang in there, it does get easier.
Marie