I have been caring for my m om who has alzheimers for about 3 years full time. we recentlly brought in a caregiver to help care with mom to give me a break. Now I feel extremely guilty for not being able to care for mom all by myself without bring care in. I know it was necessary as she is getting more challenging and harder to handle. Any suggestions on how to not feel guilty.

the guilt..oh my, the caregivers cross to bear..we all feel it..somtimes it goes and sometimes it sticks around for awhile..i just try to remind myself that I have been a great daughter..I have tried so hard, given up alot for my parents..educated myself and thats all I can do..the guilt is a very natural thing for us to feel.

Allow yourself to rest in the knowledge that you continue to be a great daughter, a compassionate caregiver to your mom. We all need help and support..there isn't one of us who doesn't.

Hang in there,
kim

I felt really guilty when I first took my Grandma to daycare, I cried and cried and cried more. But, I realized that I was a better caregiver when I had some time away from her (to work/go to school). Being away from her a little bit, I had the chance to miss her and I was SO so happy to see her after I was done working.
I'm sure you have a quality caregiver. It's good for your LO to interact with a variety of people too.
We do the absolute best we can for our loved ones and that means taking care of ourselves too.

You'd go crazy blaming yourself for stuff over which you have no control. After all, if you ran the world, no one would get dementia, huh? Accept this as another chapter in life and embrace the challenges ahead because there will be more. It's just another chapter to the story.

Dearest MaryAnne,

Please, Please don't feel guilty! You have been a wonderful caregiver to your Mom. We're all human and need a break! As jellybeans said, you will be a better caregiver when you have some time away. We all need time for ourselves! It human, it's normal, it's natural, it's healthy!

Please, take care of yourself. Let us know how you are doing.

Maryanne, I wish we COULD figure out why we carry around all this guilt and feeling that we have to do everything ourselves! It's really no different than having hired a babysitter when our kids were young so we could get some breathing space, or needing a day of vacation from a job even if we do love it. I finally just had to tell myself to stop being so arrogant as to think that no one else could do what I'm doing. Now, I WILL say that no one else can match my love for my mother ( ), but other people DO love her and care about her and other people CAN be here for her. And in the long run, it's better for both of us!

Just do it - the rest will fall into place.

You did a marvelous thing by bringing in help, Maryanne. It probably means your mom will get better care. Usually, two can do a better job than one. Therefore, I see no reason to feel guilty. You obviously did the right thing. You deserve a pat on the back. --Jim