I've been taking care of my mom since May. I left my part time job. I only go in on Thursdays when I have a care giver. My question is, can I pay myself for taking care of her. My name is on all of the accounts. I have been taking care of all her finances for over a year. I really don't want to do this, but with the holidays coming up, I could use a little extra cash. I'm going to call her lawyer this week. I think he told me once that I can only use her momey for her. Not sure what to do. Can someone give me a little advice please. I feel really quilty just asking.

Yes, you can legally do this. There's no need to feel guilt at all. Of course, you don't want to pay yourself tons and tons of money so that she has money for care down the road if you aren't able to care for her for the rest of her life, but it definitely doesn't sound like we're talking about huge sums here.

I really hope that you're able to rid yourself of any guilt feelings. You're taking care of your Mom, that's something you should feel very wonderful about.

If you are taking care of her, you are using her money for her.

Generally speaking, trusts and other sorts of legal instruments where one person assumes control over another's finances (etc.) contain a restriction that the monies can only be used for the other person's benefit. If you have such a document (which you should) check the wording, it tends to vary state to state.

This means that you should probably compartmentalize how you look at finances. Split the food, utilities, rent, and other common expenses in order to cover mom's "fair share" - and, of course, anything else you spend on her. I would think that the time you spend directly on her care would also be reimbursible at a reasonable rate. The new diamond earrings (or Ferrari?) you've had your eye on... well, maybe not.

One aspect that you probably need to think about is the tax consequence of paying yourself for your time. Technically, that is income and should be taxed. (Ugh.) In some, if not most, cases you would be better off leaving the money in your mom's accounts and then taking the money tax free when she passes. (This is not an issue with daily expenses.)

I can only encourage you to (1) not feel guilty to take mom's money to cover a reasonable share of expenses, (2) if you want to reimburse your time (which is OK!) check the tax consequences first, and (3) keep records.

There are other posts on here covering the various issues. Taxes, future Medicaid eligibility, etc. I'll try to move a post to the top for you.