she cant be aloneanymore, I can't give anymore.
i am in so much pain, I am a failure. It will take every she has, every thing she loves away if I can't keep her home. What can I do? god this sux, to say the least. i am going to break her heart.

The mind is gone, the heart is still there. I love her so much.
Whats wrong with me, why can't I see more options? I am tired, lonely, and scared. I want to be her everthing. I am sorry.

ooptions

Move in-1 husband, 3 kids, and cat. oh yeah I smoke. alot lately.
get more in home care?-this is one option, but she isn't letting them do much. Cleaning, shopping, medications are still me.
socialy her friends are dropping out.
she isn't washing up, changing clothes, responding to phone calls to take meds. I don't think she can even use the phone anymore. Not promptly, or with any regularity.
she sits in her chair tries to watch tv and sleeps.
Thats it. When given the opurtunity she loves to go to eat, not to eat but to see people.
I am rationalizing why she needs to go to nursing home.
She has been shutting her oxygen machine off. Has no memory of doing it( I know).
She is failing her mind is sick. She doesn't want to be an invalid. (her words) and I am making her one.
the hospice people say 24 care, or placement. But they are visiting once a week, no bathing aide, no help at night or in the morining. Just an appoinment, once a week. 2x a month with social worker. We need more help then this.
She is not ill enough for placement in hospice facility. Cancer is not progressing.

grammasgirl,

I'm confused. Is she on Hospice? Because if she is, she should be getting more than a nurses visit once a week. She is entitled to aides to bathe her, do light housekeeping, feed her.

Please clarify...

grama has refused bathing aide, 2 or 3 times. Is on hospice in home for cancer
they did offer morning nurse weeks ago but hopice decided that she wasnst really in need of help at that time. She has gotten much worse in last week or so. because of that I am now looking in to placement or more $$$$ for care in home.
I think we need to get her reevaluated. this really seems wrong here. I am to desprate and not thinking right.

she can feed her self. But meals need to be presented and heated. Meals on wheels just drops off, she picks and doesn't eat puts it away with the rest.
snacking is all she can manageon her own and she is very passive. Oh, I'll get something later, don't bother.

she never has been the type to ask for help or accept it. Me either. wonder where I get that from?

Sounds like you have a lousy Hospice provider. Call around, find out what other Hospices are in your area, call them up and have someone come out to the house and INTERVIEW them. We've been thru several different Hospices with my Mom... some are great, some not so good, and some terrible. You can terminate with this Hospice and get another one.

There mission is to HELP, and if they are not helping then they need to go.

just got back, from avisit to NH it seems nice,buuuuuuuuuut, they don't have built in oxygen hoses, so grama would have to carry around canister to join meals, activitys and anything else. of course she could just stay in a room with ox machine,buuuuuuuuuuuuut that is not going to be good for socilation(sp). So that is bad, new doctors would be required, probalby she would be disqualifed for current medicare funded hopice care and new hospice would be provided in house. the rooms are small and i don't know I can't do it now, later when she can't move on her own. So today I called and demanded(kinda) more nursing care from current Hospice provider. She is going to get a cna 3 days for an hour. Whooppee, but its more help and more help is what I need. I am going to relax for the rest of today. I hope. Thanks for listening and all the great things you all do for all. Thanks
Lisa

Ive often seen people in thier wheelchairs with thier oxygen with them. I think my DH is in a very nice NH, but seen only the ppl there carrying thier own oxygen to the dinning room.

I'm wondering if not many NH's do provide those hoses in the dinning rooms. ?