I know that this is minor compared to what most of you are going thru but while my mother is away I am trying to get rid of a lot of the clutter she has accumulated. She gets around 5 letters a day from charities asking her for money. She has just thrown most of the letters in the spare bedroom. I would like to reduce the amount of letters she recieves because it obviously has become more that she can handle. Has anyone come up with a good way to get these beggars to stop? One is the Alz.org. I sent theirs back to them explaining that mother has AD and can not afford to give money away and that the begging has just become too much for her. I hope they at least will understand, but somehow I doubt it. Once you are on one list you are on every list and there is no apparent way to get off.

Kathy

Can you intercept the mail? One idea someone told me about was take all your junk mail and send it back to the sender in "postage paid" envelopes. They have to pay postage for all your junk...and they soon take you off their mailing list. It seems to be more effective than simply sending them a nice letter asking to be removed.

I'm in the midst of doing that now but there are so many of them and she has mixed in important letters from her bank etc too. Big big job. Thought I was going to have this week off. Guess not. I'm hoping some of the charities might actually remove her if I send their letters back with a short note but I don't know. As for intercepting the mail. Maybe in the future but not yet. She runs out to get the mail as fast as the mailman delivers it. Besides I'm not sure yet if I have the right to interfere in her life that far. She still does know pretty much what she is doing. I will remove letters when I can and once I get DPOA I will feel I have more right but now I am doing all this on my own. I suppose I'm chicken to make her too mad until I get her to sign the DPOA's. Seems like it is such a fine line we walk. Protect with out stepping on their toes or rights. I'm new at this I don't know yet what I am doing.

Oh you LIGHTWEIGHTS! You don't know what junk mail begging for dollars IS until your LO contributes a few dollars to a political party! Most of the junk mail beggers have given up on my stepmom over the past 6-7 years, but the REAL pains are the political beggars. They seem to give the mailing list to ANY member who needs (or wants) political contributions. I have called to have my parents removed from their mailers more times than I can count, and they STILL come.

Anyway... in time they will slow down. I would think that the best way to stop it would be to talk to the USPS and see what they recommend. I have heard that there is some way to get off the bulk mail lists, but I can't remember how. :/

I already did that. They recommend you send a letter to a place in Conn. I think it is. They say that it might stop a few of the letters after a couple of months. So far today I opened 173 letters and found only 2 that were something that was important. I totally underestimated how many letters there are. I haven't even made a dent in the piles. Some of the letters do have prepaid return envelopes. Mostly the political ones. (yes she gave money to them too) but most of the charities expect you to put postage on. I can't believe how many of the same charities send letters every week almost. At least those I can throw away. These blood sucking pigs target the elderly and just keep sucking and sucking. Then like you said once they know they have a sucker they sell the name. I can't believe the number of "religious" charities that are trying to bleed old people dry. Interesting religion. I'm totally disgusted with all the people who beg and beg and beg. My mother lives on social security but everyone wants a peice of it. Disgusting.

quote:

Originally posted by kathy_h_87120:
I already did that. They recommend you send a letter to a place in Conn. I think it is. They say that it might stop a few of the letters after a couple of months. So far today I opened 173 letters and found only 2 that were something that was important. I totally underestimated how many letters there are. I haven't even made a dent in the piles. Some of the letters do have prepaid return envelopes. Mostly the political ones. (yes she gave money to them too) but most of the charities expect you to put postage on. I can't believe how many of the same charities send letters every week almost. At least those I can throw away. These blood sucking pigs target the elderly and just keep sucking and sucking. Then like you said once they know they have a sucker they sell the name. I can't believe the number of "religious" charities that are trying to bleed old people dry. Interesting religion. I'm totally disgusted with all the people who beg and beg and beg. My mother lives on social security but everyone wants a peice of it. Disgusting.

Hi Kathy, I read your first post and thought I maybe wrote it!!! It is EXACTLY what I have been going through. And my mom is giving to lots of these places. So I will share some of what I did, and see if any of it might help you.

First of all, I expressed my concern to my mom about all these telemarketers who were calling her. She actually agreed that they were annoying. Anyways, we changed her number to an unlisted number - it was really easy to do - and she agreed to it (once again I was surprised that she agreed). Alot of charities start by calling and getting a committment of money, then send out the request asking you to fulfill your pledge. Anyways, that was the first step.

And then I started "Sneaking" out all sorts of the mail from charities out of her house. My mom too has piles of stuff everywhere...mail mixed in with newspapers, and letters. Every time I am at her house, (once or twice a week), I would sneak out mail. She NEVER notices. Many times I also find letters ready to be sent that have cheques in them to these charities...I rip the cheques up. (She has no idea how much money she is giving away to these charities....she tells me she supports just two or three charities a year...more like 30 or 40). I let the money go through to the the few trusted ones she has always supported.

Next I started keeping a list of the charity and the phone number. Then I started calling each charity and asked that my mother's name be taken off the mailing list. Do you know that in 60 phone calls I have made, only ONE asked me why. They were always very polite and obliging. I also put her name on a list (through canadian marketing company) that is a "do not send" list..it was free.

NOW...I must tell you that it hasn't stopped all the letters. In the mean time her name was sold to some other charities, that sold to some others. UGGGHH. However, it is worth trying to keep on top of.

It is really annoying, but the thing to remember is that alot of these charities have no idea who the mail is going to. The telemarketers are contracted out by the charities, and really are in it for the commission they get. One place I called happen to do the fundraising for 200 charities. With one single call I was able to get my mom off about 20 lists. That was a shocker, and an insight into how it all works.

Anyways, I know it is really frustrating...I am so with you on this!

All the best.

Kim

Well in the US we have the "do not call" list. I placed my mother on that as soon as it was instituted but charities are not covered by it. Either are political organizations. (of course not since congress was responsible for the list. They certainly weren't going to cut off their life blood.) I always answer the phone at the house at night and I tell every charity or political org. not to call again but they of course do again. Some actually argue with me saying they can't remove our phone number. If they can put the phone number on they can remove it. I quick click on the computer should do it since all list are computer generated.
How did you find out what fundraising org. was calling or writing. If you ask here they just won't answer. I can always tell if it is someone begging when they call because they act so friendly like they are my mothers best friend. And if my mother does answer the phone and she tells them no they won't hang up until she says yes. She is too scared or worried that they won't like her to hang up on them. Like I say I try to answer the phone but I can't always make it to the phone before she does. I'm just frustrated and pissed. sorry.

Kathy

Hi Kathy,

I gathered up the mail and got the toll free numbers to call the organizations. The people who call you at home are not actually part of that charity - they are the people who are paid to raise funds - and they are on commission. They get defensive because they are "losing" the sale. The one combative conversation I had was with one of these telemarketers - he was rude. When I called the charity they were appalled - but said that an "outside" company did the fundraising. This made it clearer to me on how it all works.

I know it is really frustrating. I think the only solution is to call the organizations directly and get her name off the mailing list. I always take the person's name down who I talk to, and the date that I talked to them. That way if the problem is not solved, I can call back and refer to the person and the date. But I really have found them VERY polite and helpful in this process. I was actually quite surprised at how kind they were...so much different than the telemarketers - who don't actually believe it the cause - it is just a job to them.

Good luck! Kim

quote:

Originally posted by Kim L:
Hi Kathy,

I gathered up the mail and got the toll free numbers to call the organizations. The people who call you at home are not actually part of that charity - they are the people who are paid to raise funds - and they are on commission. They get defensive because they are "losing" the sale. The one combative conversation I had was with one of these telemarketers - he was rude. When I called the charity they were appalled - but said that an "outside" company did the fundraising. This made it clearer to me on how it all works.

I know it is really frustrating. I think the only solution is to call the organizations directly and get her name off the mailing list. I always take the person's name down who I talk to, and the date that I talked to them. That way if the problem is not solved, I can call back and refer to the person and the date. But I really have found them VERY polite and helpful in this process. I was actually quite surprised at how kind they were...so much different than the telemarketers - who don't actually believe it the cause - it is just a job to them.

Good luck! Kim

I have been doing this with my MIL's charity requests. I also send back the postage paid envelopes, including the address label, and a note that "Mrs. so and so is no longer with us. Please remove her name from your list.". Could be taken several ways, but the solicitations are slowing down. I do not tell them she is ill, or mention AD, as I think this is a green light to them. I also do NOT give my name or info.
Maebee

I just can't believe this. For the last 3 days I have been opening mail almost continuously from 8am until 9pm. I have sent back hundreds of letters, called 800 numbers until my ear hurts, sent email and I'm not even half done yet. I don't dare just throw some of this stuff away because there is actually money in some of the envelopes. I guess they figure if they send you $1 you will send them more. I wish I wasn't so frugal so I wasn't worried about the stray dollar or two but money is tight and that might buy something I need or want. Mother is coming back on Sunday I think and I really don't think I will have finished by then. AAARGGH!!!!

Hi Kathy, I feel your frustration. I just spent the day at my mom's place yesterday...doing the same thing. My brother is thinking he might start redirecting her mail. Not sure how that works.

I never imagined how stressful the mail thing could be. I started calling places last August...not sure if it has helped. Alot of places have things "ready to print with lists" 2-3 months a head of time. So of course Mom receives another mailing and if she replies, bang, she is back on the list.

Hang in there. It is a problem that will eventually solve itself, unfortunately.

Kim

yeah and my mother is not bad enough that I can stop her from sending money to charities even though we will need the money ourselves in the future. However I am going to tell her that I spent my Christmas vacation taking care of the stuff and before she answers any letters for money she needs to let me look at it. I figure I'll lie and convince her not to send for some reason or another.

quote:

...I don't dare just throw some of this stuff away because there is actually money in some of the envelopes. I guess they figure if they send you $1 you will send them more. I wish I wasn't so frugal so I wasn't worried about the stray dollar or two but money is tight and that might buy something I need or want.

Look it in a more practical light. In three days, how much cash have you collected from the envelopes? Is that enough to warrant your time sifting through it all? If yes, then continue on. If no, toss it.

I guess it all depends on how much value you place on your own time. Sounds to me as though you're in a time crunch, though, and would be better off working cheaper than you have worked for the last three days!

I am fighting the magazines also. At one time my parents were receiving over 70 magazines per month. My problem is that the darn magazines send remewal notices every month even though the subscription is paid up to 2009. This really ticks me off. Dad was just sending in the renewals.

Yes I toss all new ones as they do not read half of the magazines they receive. The magazines cant figure out if you dont renew it that you might not want it so now they are calling. GERRRR!

There are even some that send a nice little card that says if you do not mail the card back, they will automatically renew the subscription. OH!! They get the card back allright with a not so nice note informing them that if they mail the book or magazine, we will concider it a gift as we have no intentions of paying for it.

Some of the magazines even send a renewal notice that appears to be a past due notice. They get a letter also telling them that if they in any way attempt to collect any more monies, they will be hearing from our attorney.

I have even gone so far as telling a couple that my mother is blind. (she is in one eye)

One thing I have noticed is that most of these notices come from the same address. Some sort of service that does the mailing, calling etc. If I find a 1-800 number, I call them and even though 1-800 number is for one magazine, they handle many others. I have had them look up the address and remove the parents name from all of their mailing lists.

I also do the postage paid envelopes.With the ones that do not provide a postage paid envelope, I save these and stuff them into the other postage paid envelopes making sure there are no names on them. The bigger the return envelope the better as they do pay for these by weight.

On the same lines, we also received nice little Christmas cards with our newpaper, oxygen delivery and milk delivery. Each had an envelope addressed to the delivery person so we could tip them. The newspaper even printed the Christmas cards for their carrier. No I am not against tipping some service people but when they have the nerve to send a card with a return envelope, I get a little huffy. They received a tip alright. The tip was "Send this to your employer. Ask them for a Christmas Bonus!"

We have also had a man come to the house twice trying to get us to let him fix the dent in the side of the car. The first time I told him that we would take care of it with the insurance. The second time I was on the phone so Dad went to the door. By the time I could get off the phone and get to the door, he had Dad convinced that he would do the repair for $45.00. Dad was even going to give him the keys to the car so he could take it to be worked on. Talk about praying on the elderly. I wonder if the car would even come back. I sent him packing in a hurry with the warning that the police would be called if he showed up again.

OK now I feel better! I will get off my soap box now.

quote:

Originally posted by NDuke:
Oh you LIGHTWEIGHTS! You don't know what junk mail begging for dollars IS until your LO contributes a few dollars to a political party! Most of the junk mail beggers have given up on my stepmom over the past 6-7 years, but the REAL pains are the political beggars. They seem to give the mailing list to ANY member who needs (or wants) political contributions. I have called to have my parents removed from their mailers more times than I can count, and they STILL come.

Anyway... in time they will slow down. I would think that the best way to stop it would be to talk to the USPS and see what they recommend. I have heard that there is some way to get off the bulk mail lists, but I can't remember how. :/

an election year is just around the corner in their world......watch out! I think one and all are out their looking for money...sad thing is the things we want them to fix (why we vote for them in the first place ) they never quite seem to fix....

quote:

se and stuff them into the other postage paid envelopes making sure there are no names on them. The bigger the return envelope the better as they do pay for these by weight.

On the same lines, we also received nice little Christmas cards with our newpaper, oxygen delivery and milk delivery. Each had an envelope addressed to the delivery person so we could tip them. The newspaper even printed the Christmas cards for their carrier. No I am not against tipping some service people but when they have the nerve to send a card with a return envelope, I get a little huffy. They received a tip alright. The tip was "Send this to your employer. Ask them for a Christmas Bonus!"

guess what I'm gonna be doing with some of the junk mail I get.......

I also understnad about the "tipping" thing---I hate what this country has become since the espresso people started doing that tip thing right out there. Bugs me that it is more of a required thing that option for good help....

The one I truly (and I mean truly) get bothered by are the ones that are for police, fire or medics....I know that they need additional funds but always worry what if I don't give money and I need the service?

quote:

First of all, I expressed my concern to my mom about all these telemarketers who were calling her. She actually agreed that they were annoying. Anyways, we changed her number to an unlisted number

KIM: sadly I have an unlisted phone number and still get the same calls--this is due to the computer that places these wonderful things is on some kind of program that just calls each number mix (don't know the correct term for this) --- what I try to do is screen calls that I don't know who they are----they never talk to answering machines ---- this solution would not work for your mom though.....

mom spends money on a phone service that is supposed to limit these calls but doesn't do it very well. She has done all the rest. The hardest thing about this is some of them are very resilent with calling her back) and with the paranoia and stuff she takes the calls personally and it scares her....

I don't know if this helps at all but what if you changed the mailing address for her? I know the post office generally doesn't forward "junk" mail to change of addresses?

The post office not only forwards some junk mail, they even give the charities the change of address so they can start sending it to the new address.

My Aunt passed away Jan 2,2001. I still get mail addressed to her and her husband that died in 1976. I have moved from the origional forwarding address twice and it still follows me.

The mail order catalogs are just as bad as the other junk mail. The only good thing is you can call the toll free numbers and if lucky, you can have your name removed. The problem is they all sell their mail lists to the other mail order companies so if you are on one list you end up on all of them again.

I just did a google search on "STOP JUNK MAIL". There are over 2 million hits. Does this give you any idea how bad the junk mail problem is? If you have the time, you might want to do a little search and see if any of them have any hints that might be useful.

Hey I can actually see the floor in the spare room and surprise there is a bed under all those letters. I was afraid it was one huge pile of letters. I may finish this before my 60th birthday. That gives me 4 years. And who was it who said there wasn't a silver lining in the cloud. I've made 10 dollars. that's 500 diet cokes.

quote:

Originally posted by kathy_h_87120:
And who was it who said there wasn't a silver lining in the cloud. I've made 10 dollars. that's 500 diet cokes.

$10.00 over three days at 13 hours a day... so $10.00 divided by 39 hours. WOW! a quarter an hour!

Come work for me! I'll double your pay and give ya $0.50 an hour! And I won't stick you with only the clerical work!! You'll have plenty of variety!!

Kinda curious as to how you get 500 diet cokes out of $10.00? Or are you just being creative with accounting?

Is there any way that you can get her a post office box or redirect the mail to your home? You could pick up the mail and pre sort it for her.

It might involve a little creative fibbing on your par but you could tell her that the PO Box is free. Or come up with a story about mail being taken out of mail boxes in the neighborhood.

Lets see, I think I heard something on the news about senior citizens having trouble with being scamed through the mail so the post office is giving them free PO Boxes to prevent people from finding out where they live and comming to the house to rip them off.

OR-You know that I spent several hours/days going through the junk mail for you, Why dont I get you a PO Box so I can toss all the junk mail at the Post Office so you dont have to pay to have the trash hauled off. That way you wont need to fool with it and you will have your spare room for ____.

Or if she has a mail box in front of her house, a car could knock it down and then the Post Office would need to hold her mail and you could go get it. Just remove the box and have the mail directed to your house.

What actually happened with my parents is I told my Dad that he seemed to be having trouble with doing the mail and would he like me to help him? He jumped at the chance. It started with me sitting with him and opening the mail and us writing the checks together. I had a trash can next to him at first and he would take some of the mail out. He said he just wanted to read that. Well it didnt take me long to figure out that the trash can next to me, out of his sight retained more junk mail than if it was near him. I now slip much of it in the trash saying it is just someone begging for his money. As soon as we are finished sorting the mail, the trash is emptied and he does not get a chance to go through it. Out of sight, out of mind

You will just need to be creative. Good Luck!

quote:

Originally posted by Vicki B:
OR-You know that I spent several hours/days going through the junk mail for you, Why dont I get you a PO Box so I can toss all the junk mail at the Post Office so you dont have to pay to have the trash hauled off. That way you wont need to fool with it and you will have your spare room for ____.

I had a You will just need to be creative. Good Luck!

this idea won't work because mother has the idea is her head that all mail with her name on it has to be shredded or someone will steal her identity. I tried telling her that her name and address is in the phone book so it is already free to anyone who wants it. But she wouldn't accept that. AD paranoia I guess.

quote:

Originally posted by NDuke:
Kinda curious as to how you get 500 diet cokes out of $10.00? Or are you just being creative with accounting?

I'd like to claim creative accounting but can only blame brain block. I have the coke concession at the airport where I hang out and and I end up paying about .10 per coke.
So I guess that is a little less than 500 by about 400. Oh well.

Did you say paper shredder? I can see it now. The darn thing just burned up with all of the shredding I had to do. You better let me start taking the mail so I can shredd all the junk for you. It might take a loooooong time to get that darn thing fixed too.

I have complete sympathy for the mail problem and for phone call and door to door sales people who put dementia patients at risk.

I put us on the do not call list and made our home phone unlisted. I give our number to friends only. This solved most of our calls.

I put up a sign on a stake near our door saying "No Soliciting: Violation of County Ordinace." That stopped almost all "cold calls" at the door. I stop the few who get past the sign.

I do not have sympathy for lumping all charities together, to calling them names like "blood sucking pigs", and then including the Alzheimer's Association in your list of charities to whom you refer. I consider that way over the line. Many charities are very responsible, will gladly remove people from lists if given a polite explanation and request, and do wonderful work...including searching for ways to solve this terrible disease. I have even had reputable magazines cancel subscriptions when i explained my wife has Alzheimer's, some have refunded money, and several have taken us off all lists.

I know there are many non-reputable groups out there, many who seek to take advantage of the vulnerable, and there are abusive sales people. But don't lump the good and the bad all together. We would like for others to be discriminating when they deal with our loved ones...let's be a bit discriminating when dealing with others...the old Golden Rule of doing to others as we would have them do to us is as good as it gets.

Just a few thoughts...
Bill

I know this won't work for everyone but with my mother I just got her a post office box and began getting her mail for her. Charities and political parties have begun slowing down their requests so maybe they don't like to send to the boxes, I don't know but at least I know Mom has the money to pay her bills since she's not sending it to everyone who gives her a guilt trip on the phone. Good luck!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Bill:
I do not have sympathy for lumping all charities together, to calling them names like "blood sucking pigs", and then including the Alzheimer's Association in your list of charities to whom you refer. I consider that way over the line. Many charities are very responsible, will gladly remove people from lists if given a polite explanation and request, and do wonderful work...including searching for ways to solve this terrible disease. I have even had reputable magazines cancel subscriptions when i explained my wife has Alzheimer's, some have refunded money, and several have taken us off all lists.

I know there are many non-reputable groups out there, many who seek to take advantage of the vulnerable, and there are abusive sales people. But don't lump the good and the bad all together. We would like for others to be discriminating when they deal with our loved ones...let's be a bit discriminating when dealing with others...the old Golden Rule of doing to others as we would have them do to us is as good as it gets.

Just a few thoughts...
Bill

That would be true Bill if when you gave to one they didn't instantly ask for more. Most the letter I have gone thru say thanks for the $10. or whatever then at the bottom on the letter is a coupon to send it with more money. Also if they didn't instantly sell the persons name to other charities. The elderly or for that matter anyone who gives to one charities instantly appears on every other charities begging list.
So you can't give to a charity you like without being inundated with more requests than anyone can handle. If this wasn't true I wouldn't have just gone thru as many letters as I did.
No I wouldn't mind giving if they would be satisfied. But they never are.

vicki:
I wasn't all to sure about the forwarding part since don't talk with sibs...I just thought that sometimes they don't go the extra mile. I know the post office won't forward certain types of junk mail here, don't know the whole critiria as to what ends up going in the garbage vs. what they forward.

quote:

Originally posted by NuttyChris:
Can you intercept the mail? One idea someone told me about was take all your junk mail and send it back to the sender in "postage paid" envelopes. They have to pay postage for all your junk...and they soon take you off their mailing list. It seems to be more effective than simply sending them a nice letter asking to be removed.

Love it!

Also, she may be getting all those requests due to past contributions. They usually wean down when no $$$ are given...I think my Dad was giving to everyone who mailed him at the end when he was at home. When I did a change of address here, we were getting all kinds of things...The amount is slowly going down.

I gave $50 to Alzheimer's association. Within a month, they were asking for more. I sent another $50 and still they ask for more on what seems to be a monthly basis. Moreover, I'm sure they sold my name to the disease-of-the-month charities because all of a sudden I'm receiving letters from Diabetes foundation, Kidney foundation, etc. That doesn't make me happy and, sadly, I'm less likely to give them any more.

Some years back I donated to Habitat for Humanity and they were constantly soliciting me for more. I wrote them a brief note telling them that I would donate once a year if they didn't continue soliciting me constantly. With that organization, that worked. They solicited me once a year and I gave once a year.

I normally give to Environmental causes and international relief organizations such as Oxfam and UNICEF.

There are places you can write to get your name of junk mail lists (try googling it), but I've never done it so not sure how effective that is.

Worse than mail solicitations are the telemarketers who invade your home via phone. I made the mistake of not having my parents phone number unlisted and they are constantly calling. My mother is smart enough to hang up on them (she and her money are not easily parted, never have been). What annoys me is that my mother who is unsteady on her feet rushes to the phone to answer the phone only to find a soliciter on the other end.

lee: hate to say the unlisted number doesn't work....have one!---doesn't work. will cut down on some of them but not all of them due to the computer running on some form of loop for the numbers and it will eventually crack the unlisted number and call. I use the caller ID thing and if it comes up with a name I don't know, unavailable or unknown I let Mr. Answering macine get it.They don't leave messages---but it is an annoyance none the less. I've mentioned this before but it really spikes mom's current paranoia and she thinks they are after her from time to time. Doesn't help when she recalls somewhere she heard that inmates call from prision to solicet so now the "jailbirds" are calling her and that really sends her on some ramepages.....

the damned solicitors calls were a torment to Mom when she lived on her own, and now that she's with me I don't let her answer the phone. It took her a while to stop reacting to the RING by jumping and running to it, but I have never felt the need to interrupt what I'm doing just because someone is calling, and I'm making some headway on teaching her to take it a little easier on herself.

that is another thing---you break you neck or interupt what you are doing, and it's just THEM!!!!!!!!!

When it comes to phone solicitors I always answer the phone. When they ask for my Mother I say "Well she has Alzheimer's but feel free to talk to her." and put her on the phone. After about 30 seconds they hang up and no orginization has ever called back.

Well, if it doesn't bother your Mom, I guess that's a solution. My Mom, on the other hand, would stay on the phone, begging the caller to hang up, and the b@st@rds never would, and she'd be in frantic tears that she couldn't get the person off the phone. I'd come over and find her frantically pleading with some b!tch who wouldn't hang the f^*# up, excuse my asterisks, I get so mad thinking about it, and I'd run toward her saying emphatically "Just hang up" and of course my running and yelling made her more upset and didn't help at all, her brain just shut down. The whole scene was a mess. She doesn't answer the phone now and it's sooooo much better.

the calling solicitors call our house constantly. We are on the do not call list but of course that doesn't cover charities and political parties. I try to answer the phone whenever I can. Plus one good tip is to let the phone ring 4 times. Since usually it is a machine doing the dialing the machine hangs up before it gets another machine. (most home machines pick up after 4 rings) usually when I finally answer there is nobody there.
However if my mother does answer and she does duing the day when I may not be home, she won't hang up on them after telling them no. they will just keep talking until she says yes. Pisses me off big time.
You can tell them to remove your name but since it is usually 3 or 4 companies doing the calling it doesn't work unless you call the agency itself and say don't call.

it does get to be much for them.....

Isn't there something the phone company can do to take messages or whatever? That voice mail thingy???? I know like everyone has so much extra money and I'm sure the phone company charges cabodles for it.....

The problem with that is it still rings in house as far as I know. So a regular answering machine will work just as well. And yes it is expensive. The phone companies have us. They sell our names and phone numbers to list. If you want your name not on the list you have to pay for that.

If you could get Mom a cell phone for contacting her during the day, you could unplug the house phones. If you had the phone company voice messaging, you would not miss any calls during the day because they would still go to VM. If they were the computer calls, they would probably drop.

If you have a cell phone with VM you could forward your house calls to the cell during the day and she would still be able to call out if needed.

Or you could go to all cell phones. I have yet to get a tellimarketing call on my cell.

You can go on the computer to the DO NOT CALL.gov and add your phone number to the list. This does not cost anything and you stay on the list for 8 or 10 years. The good thing is that if someone violates that, they can be sued. Granted there are some that can still get around it but it does eliminate some.

My Mom keeps a can of air by the phone. You know the air horn things. When she gets one of the ones that wont stop, she gives them a blast before hanging up. Scares the bejeesers out of Dad everytime she uses it too.

We tried a cell, supposedly one for visually impaired, supposedly easy to use.... and it was decidedly not. We've given up on that, but in theory, it should work better than it did for us. Mom felt guilty about not being able to manage it better, which is ridiculous, we certainly didn't intend to buy a guilt trip with the phone.

my Mother could never use a cell phone. she is intirely new gadget phobic. If my cell rings and I'm not right there to pick it up she panics as if she thinks it will explode.

My Dad not only receives solicitations from charitable and political organizations, but often receives "gifts" like cheap slippers, calendars, stuffed animals, umbrellas, flags, etc. All requesting a donation. He feels obligated to address each one as he has always been a generous contributor to many charities. But these charities are like rabbits! They seem to multiply into several sub charities with similar names. There are so many similar named organizations sending him mail that it is confusing.
I obtained advice from these boards to contact the Direct Marketing Association. They have a Do Not Mail list and for $1 will delete his name from all the charitable organizations. That way he can manage the few that are his "pet" charities without being deluged by solicitations . It upsets me to see Dad feel obligated when a "gift" is sent his way. I make them disappear whenever possible, before he sees them.
Here is the link to the DO NOT MAIL site:
http://www.dmaconsumers.org/offmailinglist.html

The last couple of years my Mother lived alone she gave huge amounts of money to telemarkers.. the last amount was 700.oo I wasnt able to get back(some I did).. i had her checking account closed and reopened 3 different times(she would read her acc. no over the phone to B'S)..i finally had to telephone swiched to an unlisted number and had all her mail forwarded to my home.

vicki: my mom would probably do it to me sometime if she decided I did something wrong to her...She thinks its great fun at this point when she is mad to just hang up and that sound will upset everyone who hears it if she slams it down hard enough....thing is she just broke one phone and the other one is slowly moving out........
she also has caller id and if she is mad---she will delete you name from the list showing you called.....

oh to live in that little world....I have expressed to her and others that I tire of being hung up on--my sibs do it as well (genes?) I am the one who won't only becuase it doesn't solve anything and mentioned to mom one day that I thought it a bit immature when they all sit around and talk about who hung up on who--(her and my sister are really good about hanging up on one another...guess there are some things to be greatful for being out of the loop/mix..... )

and again still doesn't work..... Just another added expense that they get to pocket

This is one of those things that just makes me furious. I suspected after my dad died that the magazines know exactly what they are doing with their "renewals" and that it is particularly the elderly who are affected by it. My dad was signed up for about 15 years for his magazines even tho he had a terminal disease. When he got a renewal notice, he renewed without checking to be sure he needed to. Then my step dad got roped in with the charities - they used all the little tricks - free stationary, umbrellas, key rings, etc. He had a ton of stuff. And of course, if one veteran's organization was given a donation, ten more came out of the woodwork. The charities were medical, religious, fraternal, indian children.....and on and on. When he died I was only able to stop a few of them and three years later we are still getting some. It has occurred to me that they must be spending ten times what he ever gave them. That gives me some comfort.
As to dealing with them in the here and now, I definitely vote for changing the AD person's address to the post office or your place. My mom seemed fine to most people but she was throwing out important mail because she thought she had already seen it and dealt with it. I know how hard it is when you first have to do something like that - the guilt and worry, etc - but it has to be done and each time I have had to do that sort of thing it has been easier than I would have imagined. Your mom may well forget right away that she ever gets mail and even if she has fits over it, she will eventually forget about it. I have learned to fudge the truth a bit and I do a lot of sympathizing, but no arguing or explaining.

I'm almost thru all the letters. Only 1 box to go. I found I could email a lot of the agencies most have been really good about taking off list. However one wrote back saying how much they needed the money etc. I wrote back saying "most agency have been very gratious about removing the name from their list. JUST DO IT" they then had a gall to add my email address to their mailing list. Luckily I used a throw away email address so. However the latest scam seems to be sending my mother certificates claiming she is the Charitible man of the year. Imagine that. My mother out of all the hundreds of people who give is the man of the year. Disgusting the scams they use. And then they wonder why people aren't more charitable. I tell you I wouldn't give a penny to any of them after this. And don't get me going on about the religious organizations. There must be 200 Catholic charities all living off my mother. It just all pisses me off so much.

quote:

Originally posted by sammichj9:
I obtained advice from these boards to contact the Direct Marketing Association. They have a Do Not Mail list and for $1 will delete his name from all the charitable organizations. Here is the link to the DO NOT MAIL site:
http://www.dmaconsumers.org/offmailinglist.html

My mother recieves mail under so many different name. Mrs. (Husbands name) Ms (her name) Mrs. (her name with middle initial) I wonder if I have to fill a request out for each name. Anyone know?