Alzheimer's has taught each of us so much about life and about ourselves.Please share lessons you have learned along your way in this journey with your loved one. I will start..for me..


I have learned to slow down and get still enough to listen and learn what things are really important in my life.
I have learned that the memories aren't important,it's the time you spent making them,and the ones you made them with,that matter.
I have learned we are best taught the tough lessons in life by witnessing them.
I have learned helping my husband's mom though her journey of Alheimer's has made my husband love me even more.
I have learned the true meaning of unconditional love.
I have learned to appreciate the simple things of life.
I have learned humor really helps me relax and live in the moment.
I have learned putting on a shirt backwards and wearing it is a sense of accomplishment and is a good thing..
I have learned a smile can provide more security than words spoken..

I have learned that water is actually thicker than blood. My friends have been there for me through this journey, but my only brother is absolutely incapable of dealing with our Mom's AD. At first I was angry with him, but I have learned to forgive. I honestly don't think he means harm - he simply can not deal. Learning to let go of anger really does help.

quote:

Originally posted by just exhibit love:
Alzheimer's has taught each of us so much about life and about ourselves.Please share lessons you have learned along your way in this journey with your loved one. I will start..for me..


I have learned to slow down and get still enough to listen and learn what things are really important in my life.
I have learned that the memories aren't important,it's the time you spent making them,and the ones you made them with,that matter.
I have learned we are best taught the tough lessons in life by witnessing them.
I have learned helping my husband's mom though her journey of Alheimer's has made my husband love me even more.
I have learned the true meaning of unconditional love.
I have learned to appreciate the simple things of life.
I have learned humor really helps me relax and live in the moment.
I have learned putting on a shirt backwards and wearing it is a sense of accomplishment and is a good thing..
I have learned a smile can provide more security than words spoken..

Rosie,
As always. "thank you." I will begin working on my list.

Rosie, My journey has just begun. I am in the learning stage. Some of the things that I am learning are

That focusing on the moment or hour instead of the past or the future can be satisfying.
Taking small steps is better than taking none.
Learning how to love flexibly may help me to achieve my final goal of granting unconditional love.

I'm in the throes of it all right now and I am sure that there are many lessons I have yet to learn, but first and formost I have learned that I can always depend on family! After reading the posts here I am ever so thankful for the brothers and sister I have.

Oh! And the other BIG lesson I have learned is to always, always, ALWAYS lock the car. If my dad wants to go somewhere and the door is unlocked it's gonna take a comealong to get him out!

I have learned that "stealing shoes" at night works wonders for my sleep.

I have learned that bathroom door locks work better on closets for dementia patients

I have learned that slacks won't fasten over 8 pairs of boxer shorts and that my stepmom's pants aren't "one size fits all".

I have learned that cats won't eat loose tea leaves for breakfast and dogs won't eat taco chips, and that once wild birds get used to seed, they refuse to eat cat food.

The biggest lesson I have learned is compassion. And that has been the hardest. Especially since my MIL was Satan Incarnate to me when she was in her right mind. It has taken a lot of compassion to see beyond the hate and wrath she used to sling willingling to see the frail little waif she has become.

Compassion looks beyond the obvious attacks to see she is frightened by things she no longer understands. It take compassion to willingly put aside my own wants, wishes and dreams, to take care of someone who cannot do it for themselves. I have learned to treat her as I would my toddler... except I cannot just slip her into a stroller and take a walk on the beach because she takes so much more effort to get ready. I feed her because she gets frustrated when she cannot keep the food on the fork. I remind her to drink when she doesn't recognize the glass in front of her. When she doesn't remember me and asks for the 800th time, "Who are you?" that she doesn't remember how much she hated me, and I thank GOD every day for that gift. There is peace in our family because of this disease...even if it is propelling us toward bankruptcy.

I have learned foremost to forgive the past and appreciate who my mom has become

Differences in family member can be put aside when something happens in the family and you can work well together

I've learned that I can't do everything

I have a husband and children who will be there for me and my mom, who suffers from this darn disease and my children have put family first before themselves

I learned that there is nothing that can't be accomplished as long as a good attitude is present

I learn that you become numb to repetative questions and just answer them without becoming frustrated

I learn, most importantly, that you learn something new everyday

I have learned how to live one minute at a time.
Lord knows what is going to happen from one minute to the next.

I also have learned that it is a waste of time to worry.
The things that I have worried about never happened anyway.

Nothing is more unpredictable than my Mom with AD.
Not even Michigan weather.

I have learned that life is a wonderful gift from God to be cherished every step of the way.

Peace,
Marcie

Thanks to all! This is a great topic! While I have learned many things over the past few years, the most important is this to me. I'm on a journey, learning to be more patient, accepting, and more tolarant of my mother. I know that I have a long way to go, but I have also found it easier to be more tolerant and less critical of my children. (Boy, do I have a long way to go on that journey!) As horrible as this disease is, I am learning to be a better daughter, mother, sister, and wife.

I learned a great deal while taking care of my Mama. I never being a mother my self learned unconditional love, the kind that mothers have for their children.
I learned grits 3 times a day was better that nothing.
I learned a sippy cup works wonders for a 71 year old woman.
I learned to accept that love doesn't have to be spoken, it can be felt in a touch.
I learned never to take one moment for granted.
But mostly I learned to let go.
I love you and miss you Mama.
Tammie

~I have learned to love my mom for today.
~I have learned that whenever I review the "7 stages"......it "gets" to me!
~I have learned that the end result is death.
~I have learned that I cannot fix my mom nor can I take her illness away from her.

I've learned that there are many people on this message board with a great amout of knowledge about Alzheimer's and I am glad I came to this support group.
I've learned primary care-givers are amazing people.
I've learned this is a very lonely disease both for the care-giver and the person with Alzheimer's.

I have learned that I really *do* have eyes in the back of my head.

...not to leave cookies in the cookie jar, otherwise, I find them EVERYWHERE throughout the house.

...patience.

...NOT to walk in front of the packed grocery cart as my father "lets go of it" on the down slope of the sidewalk.

...that to keep him from cluttering up the mantle, I must decorate it for Christmas.

...patience.

...to keep the windows of the car down so that if he "escapes" and I don't realize it, he won't suffocate in 90-degree weather.

...not to leave ANYTHING important lying on the dining room or kitchen table.

...and have I mentioned patience???

...how to get a stain out of just about anything, including carpet (I *highly* recommend the Bissel "Little Green Machine").

...to thank God that I have the ability to ignore Sundowning--I tell myself I'd rather have him walking around than worry about blood clots and other problems from sitting still all day.

...there was something else, but I can't recall...oh yeah--PATIENCE!!!

But, most importantly, I've learned that if you love someone, there is nothing you can't do for them, even if you never, in a gazillion years, imagined you had it in you.

Kate

P.S. Anyone want to buy a 77-year-old who has reverted to the age of TWO??? Everything is "NO". "No I won't do it." >sigh< LOL! Although, he was so cute today, that I just might keep him. (Ask me again tomorrow!)

I learned that life can be given, taken and stolen.
I learned that there is no such thing as an ordinary day because someone, somewhere is taking things one second at a time.
I learned that my dad had more grace, courage and sweetness than I ever knew prior to his illness.
I learned to live while I can because nothing beyond today is promised.
I learned to tell people that I love that I love them.
I learned to be silly and not worry about what others think.
I learned that a horse is an excellent listener.

I have learned to appreciate who my mother WAS. So much time was wasted on typical petty mother/daughter disagreements. I'd give anything to hear her tell me that she is
"diametrically opposed" to something that I am considering instead of her weak "You take such good care of me"...

rosie what a wonderful post. I have been having lots of things going on and it does remind me that even though my sibs think we are the only ones with problems with dealing with the loved one that others are as well. It has been a very interesting subject. thank you for thinking of it!

I have learned many of the lessons that I now do I have read hear from others going on the journey. It truly is one day one moment at a time. As stated above water is thicker than blood. I have learned not to count on others but do it myself. I am also working on ways to come to terms wtih how I feel towards sibs and deal with the angish of what they do or don't do what they say or don't say.
I have also learned that those who say they want "unconditional love" really don't understand what it truly means & that if that is what they want they also need to follow it.
I have learned to try to appreciate mom for what she was and who she is and try to make the best of an awful disease.
I have learned that people live with their "issues" from childhood lots longer than they really need--they need to let go---(please keep in mind I do understand those who were truly abused and that is a whole different matter---but parents making rules and following them is not abuse but rather love---
That things do happen for a reason. I think back to Garth Brookes song--some of Gods greatest answers are unanswered prayers. That just becuase we ask sometimes we need to wait.
I'm learning that I will repeat same things over and over sometimes to many times. But thru it all I still love mom. I can overlook people saying horrid things about me---mom when on a rampage but I also know it's more the disease than mom.
I'm exhauseted right now due to lack of sleep from last night. good post though karen

Thank you all. You are all so wonderful and so encouraging. I am new to this and just getting started with small glimpses, but I can see these things coming in time. Thank you all and I love you all, God Bless.

God never gives more than we can handle at one time and the grace will always be there to handle what we need at the time.

Thanks to all of you for the wonderful postings. I am new to the disease - my 96 year old mother, who has always been independent and living on her own, broke her hip in April and has been on a steep slope since then. Her body is wonderfully healthy, but her mind is not and each day I watch her slip away. I am trying to learn how not to be so much of a co-dependent (she trained me well to help others no matter what the cost) and release the care of her to others at the facility where she now lives. I still get many phone calls daily from her - getting her a phone seemed like a good decision 2 weeks ago - but now it is just heartwrenching and confusing to both of us. I have been learning how to appreciate the simple interactions, how to enjoy the silliness of life and let her join in that laughter with me, how to let things go when they are not important. I am still working hard on trusting others to take care of her as she is in another state and my sibling is in charge of the daily decisions. And most importantly, I have learned how to appreciate the care my sibling gives her - and not to listen to how all of this is a "plot" by my sib "to get her back." Thanks for sharing all of your lessons with this neophyte! You are some of God's angels!

I have learned to listen to my husband's mom say the same thing over and over as if it were the first time I had heard it.
I have learned to cope with each chapter of my life..and realize I am experiencing alzhemier's too..from the outside looking in..and if I
make a difference for my husband's mom to feel
secure and connected to life..I know this for sure...it is worth it...after losing our son I now know how important my family is..it's everything...love Rosie

to the top

Over the past thirteen years, I have learned so many things. The list would be long and probably repetitive, as I see many life lessons already listed. But, I think at the top of my list is patience. God seems to put me where I need to be.

I do not pray for patience any more. Not since I heard the pastor say; "A day is like a thousand years to the Lord." When I heard him say that, I said to my Hubby "I have been praying for the wrong thing. Lord have mercy on us." Now I pray for grace, mercy and humility.

Patience is not a desperate waiting in doubt, but a hopeful waiting in confidence. I pray for the continuing calmness to be patient with my loved ones. This has been a long, but greatful lesson learned for me. I have learned that patience with others is love. Patience with self is hope. Patience with God is faith.

quote:

Originally posted by Twice Blessed:
Patience is not a desperate waiting in doubt, but a hopeful waiting in confidence. I pray for the continuing calmness to be patient with my loved ones. This has been a long, but greatful lesson learned for me. I have learned that patience with others is love. Patience with self is hope. Patience with God is faith.

I completely agree with you Twiced Blessed.

I really "needed" to pray for humility. It was a revelation for me to hear that a day is like a thousand years. It opened my eyes to see that the Lord's timing is not the same as mine. Then, I realized that I needed to pray for His grace and mercy, because I can not do anything with out Him. That is where humility really comes in for me. This has been a long lesson for me too. I think that the greatest thing out of all of this with my Mom, is seeing how the Lord has worked through every step of the way. My Mom lives long distance. So, for me to trust in the Lord for my Mom's safety while waiting for this process to work out requires hope, faith and patience. It has been a struggle and the Lord knows, I have learned the virtue of patience. Sometimes it feels like I have been waiting a thousand years. I will continue to wait on the Lord because I know that he knows what we need. I know the Lord is working through all of this, in order to bring my family closer to Him. He is so awesome!

Blessings to all,
Marcie

Yes He is, Marcie!

I have learned...alzheimers is a terible,terible disease.
I have learned...you learned as you go,and its ok to make mistakes.
I have learned...that haloperidol(my hubbys meds for agitation) is my new best friend.
I have learned...who my real friends are and that i have friends, i didnt know i had.
I have learned...to have more patience.

And most of all i have learned,that just because his mind is gone or going he has fellings,and he knows by my, or someone elses actions that he again, has done something wrong and it make him sad, and he is angry at himself.

Good vibes. Good vibes. Good vibes. They make a difference. A big difference. Also, it helps if the care-giver has a don't give up attitude and gets a few hours respite daily. --Jim

Twice Blessed, you said it in a nut shell.

I have learned patience, and also how strong my faith in God is. I take care of my hubby with those two, and an added gift, caring and helpful children.

BAMS

I have learned that I like Rosie. That she exudes good vibes. I have learned that Rosie understands, oh, so much. I’ve learned that makes Rosie a darn good care-giver, which means her mother in law is blessed. And I’ve learned that she’s a darn good wife, which means husband Dale is blessed. And I’ve learned that she’s a darn good psychiatric nurse, which means her patients are blessed. And yes, I’ve also learned that I’m blessed. Because I get nothing but good vibes from Rosie. And I’ve learned to thank Rosie -- for setting a good and positive example for the rest of us in dealing with the pitfalls of care-giving and Alzheimer’s. And finally, I’ve learned to say, nice going, Rosie. --Jim

I have learned to be more patient and understanding.
I have learned what a need there is in society for education on dementia and AD.
I have learned a support group on-line and off-line can be a lifesaver!
I have learned to research,on my own,as doctors aren't always right.

quote:

I have learned to research,on my own,as doctors aren't always right.

Quarter horse, you are so very right! At least, many times they are not well informed!

I have learned to find happiness in the oddest of places and in the oddest of situations and at the oddest of times. I have learned to find a way to appreciate life. On a daily basis. And I have learned that learning never ceases. That learning is wonderful. And I have learned that so-called 'mistakes' are learning experiences. And I have learned to love Jeanne in new and profound ways. Despite Alzheimer's. And I have learned that I'm blessed. Not one time. Or twice. But an infinite number of times. --Jim

I have learned what it is to be broken hearted and yet get up in the morning and go back to the AU where my husband of 54 years lives. I have learned that I can do this with a smile for him as he is so precious even yet.

Floray, that was a beautiful thing to say...and knowing you, I know it came from your heart!

Thank you for starting this thread Rosie, as I believe Alzheimer's teaches us many things as caregivers.

Personally, I learned that my dear Father continued to lead me in his own way by example even through the latter stages when our roles were reversed and I was his Mother most of the time and the lessons he had taught me as a child, young woman and throughout my life with him to guide me were well taught and stood me in good stead when I needed to give back to him a few of the years he gave me to keep him safe, loved and cared for at the end of his life. God Bless you Dad and thank you for the life you gave me, thank you for still guiding me even now and you remain in my heart for ever.

I have also learned that others travelling this heartbreaking journey, like myself, do the best they can with their own circumstances and Loved Ones and that the gift of kindness costs absolutely nothing to pass on to others on this forum.

"Every kind act, no matter how small, is like a pebble tossed into the pond of human caring...

the rings reach out far beyond the point of impact; the action of our kind deed acts more kindly toward the people around them, those people act more kindly toward the people around them, and so it goes, on and on."

"Kindness gives birth to kindness. -- Sophocles"

I have learned:
When your instincts tell you something is wrong keep going thru doctors until you find one that will listen.
To get a DPOA and Health directive the minute you think you know what is going on.
That nobody will understand what is happening that isn't there watching it happen.
That good days are a gift and bad days will come around so take them in stride the best you can.
When your LO starts acting up check for UTI, toothache or any other small thing easily missed. If that doesn't work, it is again time to adjust meds.
That I am human and have needs of my own apart from being a caregiver.
That hurtful words from someone that should love you leave a mark no matter how many times you tell yourself it is the disease.
That the time will come when another skill will be lost and I must gently step up to handle it while giving my LO what dignity I can.
To remind myself that I made the decision to be a caregiver and if I am not perfect at it....at least I am here doing my best.

I have learned how important love is
I have learned unconditional love
I have learned to give unconditional love
I have learned compassion
I have learned to forgive
I have learned I cannot get angry
I have learned I can be strong
I have learned to remain calm
I have learned acceptance
I have learned grieving
I have learned forgiving
I have learned she cannot change
I have learned I must change
I have learned patience..............

I have learned ...

...that washing one's hands in the clean toilet actually is a logical thing to do.
...that holding my mother's hand when we walk anywhere is a wonderful feeling.
...that I can make Mom laugh when we're walking into Wal-Mart by swinging her hand and singing "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning."
...that strangers are surprisingly kind and understanding, even without any explanation from me about why Mom is talking about her Christmas shopping (last week).
...that some people really do get tired of hearing about it.
...that the opportunity I have to care for Mom is a gift God has given me to understand his unconditional love for me. This is on a good day, but on a bad day
...that my younger sister's statement that she "could never do it" is not an inability, just an attitude.

Oh Webdeb..... I love your post!! It's so compassinate and tender...
and I love your 'handle'
Welcome, by the way, I meant to welcome you yesterday when I first read you...

WbDeb, I too loved your post! You know where you are in life!

**I have learned how to love and appreciate the time given to us.

**I have learned that my family although small we are strong.

**I have learned it is okay to ask questions and for help

**I have learned that I must tell my mother how much I love her verbally although she was not taught that as a child by her mother who now has AZ and mom has no way of expressing something she was not taught..

**I have learned that my mother is the strongest woman I have ever known with unconditional love for her mother even though they never had a good relationship.

**I have learned not to worry about the small stuff like laundry dishes etc.. if it is a bad day they will get done soon....and to be there to listen to mom when she needs it.


**Lastly I have learned that with prayer and faith everything is possible...

2nd time today for me to post. I have not been here in a while.

I have learned ..... I can learn more by reading all the wonderful expressions here.

I have learned to take one day at a time.
I have learned the importance of a routine for my mother-in law.
I have learned on days my mother-in law feels anxious the importance to lower her stimulation.
I have learned even though my husbands mom does not know my name she loves me.
I have learned how hard it is for my husband to watch his mom struggle to find words to say.

alzheimer's and its attendant exposure of ourselves to the most challenging experiences we will ever face has revealed much to me about myself. I never knew how much I relied upon my husband to be my strength and decision arbiter. I now know our family constellation was much more fragile than I would ever think. Our relationships have suffered from this the fabric of our lives is frayed and even torn and I don't know if it will be repaired ever. but, I am now handling finances, paying the bills, living independently, taking care of my man, making important decisions, and being an advocate exhibiting more moxie than I ever thought I was capable. So the world continues to be a stage,God writes the script, and we play our role sometimes poorly and sometimes well.

Amen to that, Carewife!

Lessons learned from Alzheimer's? While I would've preferred not to have this teacher, I know there are lessons in every hardship.

I've learned to be more accepting of frailty, others and possibly my own eventually, if that day comes. I've learned to not be so scared of the cycle of life and the eventual death. I've learned that even a life with AD is worth living. I've learned to take pleasure in small things. I've learned to slow down and see things more clearly. I've learned to just let it be and not get so upset at small things. It all passes; life passes all too quickly. I've learned that what matters is the people we love. My children are flying in tomorrow and I'll give them an extra tight hug and promise not to criticize or ask too many questions. I'll just enjoy and let it be.

Take a deep breath and appreciate every good, peaceful moment. Take things one day at a time, sometimes one MINUTE at a time.

I've learned that I love Eddie now more than I ever have - to savor the good moments and let the others go - to be gentler with myself and others -that dancing around the house together with Bad Bad Leroy Brown blaring is incredibly fun.

rob

Yes, Rob, living is fun, isn't it? --Jim

Rob,
Your post reminds me of this lyric by Shanondoah

I WANNA BE LOVED LIKE THAT

Natalie Wood gave her heart to James Dean
The high school rebel and the teenage queen
Standin together in an angry world
One boy fightin for one girl

(Chorus)
I wanna be loved like that, I wanna be loved like that
A promise you can't take back
If you're gonna love me
I wanna be loved like that

Daddy never gave Momma a diamond ring
But Momma never wanted for anything
But what he gave her it came from the heart
In a bond that was never torn apart

(Repeat Chorus)

An old man kneeling all alone
Plants his flowers in a garden of stone
For seven years now she's been gone
And his devotion is still goin strong

I wanna be loved like that, I wanna be loved like that
A promise you can't take back
If you're gonna love me

(Repeat Chorus)