Hello all,
I visited a couple of days ago and just wanted to thank everyone for the positive feedback, suggestions, and words of encouragement. There are a lot of family dynamics which makes my life so stressful. And mainly scared. I don't want to place any undue pressure on my partner. My partner has decided to work nights & I'm working days to prepare form Mom coming from NYC to MD. I feel so bad about imposing my life on my partner.

Tiger,
hello again. Have you discussed your concerns w/ your partner? If
not, maybe start by saying what you told us: that you hate to
impose your life on him/her. If you have already discussed it,
and your partner is willing to bring your Mom into your home,
then the best you can do now is prepare. Your partner works
nights, but is he/she going to be caring for your Mom
during the day, while you're at work? How advanced is
your Mom's dementia? What are your Mom's living arrangements
now? Does someone help her? I'd start with what her daily
needs are; if she's advanced in her dementia, than
she can't be left alone; you say your Mom is coming for
the summer; are you giving a break to someone who cares
for her now? No matter what, if your partner is agreeable
to your Mom coming for the summer, I wouldn't worry about
"imposing" on him/her. We do what we have to for those we
love; my own husband was WONDERFUL with my Dad during the
7 months Dad lived w/ us. I always knew I could leave my
father in my husband's care, because my husband was willing
to do whatever he had to. (toileting Dad, cleaning him
afterward, whatever) As long as your partner is aware of
your Moms' current condition, and is still willing to help,
than don't feel badly. Your Mom is coming for the summer,
and thats a limited amount of time; its not the same as
making a lifetime commitment; and most of us can't commit
to a "lifetime" of caregiving anyway. As much as we want
to take care of our loved ones, sometimes we get to a point
where we just can't any longer. (such as in my case) Keep
coming back to this forum, as you will learn a lot, and
have much needed support and encouragement. Keep us posted!!

Obviously you and your "partner" have discussed the future and the care of your Mother that is going to be needed. If you and your partner have a strong commitment with each other,,you will learn together,,and stand strong together.

Of course you do realize that at times,,Mother will put a great deal of pressure on you,,your partner,,,and your lives.

You will both need to learn to take deep breath's,,,and stand back and quickly evaluate and handle the situation of the moment.

I would also look into some respite care that comes to your home,,so that you and your sweetie can get away for an evening,,,just to have some down time,,private time.

Do the best you can do,,,thats all anyone can ever ask. When and if you and your partner feel that its just too much,,and you are both totally overwhelmed and can't deal with things as they will continue to progress,,,then deal with it at that time.

I won't elaborate any further about placing your MOther,,,if and when that time should ever come,,,all you need to do is ask. I wish you strength to get thru the days ahead of a new chapter in your book of life. Peace

Hi everyone,
Thanks once again for responding. My Mom has mild-moderate dementia. Physically: she is independent. She needs reminders on meds, meals, bathing, and daily activities. She stayed with my parnter and I last summer. But at that time my partner was not working and kind of took it as her duty (to help). I just feel bad about it. I don't want to feel like i am imposing. She says that she is doing it because she loves me.

My Mom gets along great with us. The issue last summer was that my sister, who my Mom lives with, did not send any funds to assist with Mom's visit (her SS money). I was stuck taking care of my partner, Mom, and myself financially. I took my Mom out for pedicures and manicures because those are little things she loves as well as out to eat.

That took a big tool on my finances. Eventhough I did not deprive my Mom of anything, because she deserves the best. I was in the middle of a faminly war with my brother and sister over Mom.My brother is a busy surgeon who claims he does not have the time because he has a family of his own and does not want to burden his wife.

My sister and I just recently started talking again and she has promised to send some funds to help out with Mom's visit. I want to see my Mom anyhow and my partner sees how torn I am so she is doing this for me.

That's why I wanted info on options for grants, respite funds, or anything that would help to get care or provide activities for my Mom that are financially resonable. Long term, I don't know how things will wind up. I have been through a lot with my family. It is unimaginable the things I've gone through with them. Especailly after loosing my grandfather, Mom's Dad, 3yrs ago (when Mom first got sick) and my Aunt last month (Mom's side).