Today was rough. My mom and I went to Longview (two hour drive from where we live and about 5 minutes from where my grandmother with Pic's disease lives) for a baby shower for my cousin today and I was riding with my mom. I asked if I could take her car during the shower or if we could stop by after to see my gma. Well, I just don't know what to do. At first she got really mad and said no then said "FINE!" and we went. As soon as we walked in the door, my mom started crying and had to go to the bathroom the entire time I visited with my grandmother. It's so hard for me to understand. I have a mom going through menopause and a grandmother going through Pic's disease that i love both dearly. But I CANNOT comprehend not wanting to stop by and say hello. My mind always goes to the "what if it's my last chance" because my grandfathers death was very sudden and unexpected. I can't imagine if my mom was like that, being within five minutes of her and not wanting to stop by. I understand it's hard to deal with but my God, isn't any contact better than none?!? I'm just angry. My mother did not speak to me the entire way home. Went to bed and still nothing - even after I offered an olive branch in the form of "Wasn't that a nice shower?" - NOTHING! I just don't get it. I feel like I'm 21 and have more patience and caring in my heart than my own mother. It's so frustrating! I don't care that my grandmother can't always remember my name, I don't care that the person I'm spending time with and talking to isn't the grandmother I grew up with. I don't care that every 30 minutes she wants ice cream - JUST GIVE IT TO HER! Gosh! I'm so sorry to be venting but I just don't have any one else to talk to that understands this. I want to thank everyone on this site. You are all God-sent just for being here to listen and give input. Thank you all!

I hear you, Taylor. These are tough times. But things will get better. Some day. Keep the faith. --Jim

Sorry,,,its gotta be tough on you....but in all fairness,,,menopause is a bitch!! It makes one a different person,,and they have no control over their own emotions. Maybe your Mom needs to go into her Dr and discuss her moods,,and see what and if there's anything she can take to help make this "life transistion" easier for her.

And its probably harder on your Mother than you will ever know,,,about whats happening to her own mother. She just doesn't know what to do,,or how to handle it anymore.

Is your Grandmother in a ALF or a NH? I sure hope she doesnt live by herself anymore.

I suggest that you sit down with your Mom and tell her that she needs to see her Dr and get soemthing to help her with her menopause moods. She may get mad that you've mentioned it,,but she'll get over it and think about it,,and hopefully take your advice.

Just go and see your grama without your Mom the next time you want to visit. Peace

Thanks Raven! No, my grandmother is at home and my aunt and uncle live and stay with her full time. I know I have to find a way to be more compassionate towards my mother, and I know I DEFINITELY do not understand the menopause thing. She says she has seen the dr, but she is still in denial about i and won't talk to any of us about it. It just sucks right now. Thank you for the advice though, ANY helps!!

As a woman, let me tell you - it is probably not ALL due to menopause.

There are many issues in your mother's life - Grandmother's changes also have an impact on her.

Mother may well be clinically depressed. When the dust settles and you two are having a good day, you could lovingly bring up that it is time for her to have a good physical.

It could be that mother has blood sugar issues or thyroid issues or other things besides menopause. AND . . . if it IS all about menopause, there are medications which can be of assistance.

Hang in there, things will evolve and even out. As you get older and have more life experience, your outlook about this will also evolve.

Take care and keep on loving that cranky Mom. I am certain she loves you.