My hubby is there 2 or so times a week. It may vary. We as a family go some too. We try and not overwhelm her with the kid's even though they are 13 and 9. My husband went by to take some things that she needed and some gifts from family members from christmas. He didn't want to bother her while she was eating so he waited. He may not stays for hours, but usually an hour or so give or take. She acted as if he had not been there in forever. She even told a friend that about 2 months ago. He reminded her he is working retail, and just came away from christmas etc..I know it just kills him at times.

thanks,
Michelle

Have you had your loved one to the Doctor to get a medical opinion? Maybe medication is in order. Aricept helps with memory for awhile, and then later there are other medications.
Best of luck and love to you and yours. Sandra22

Michelle--All in all it sounds as if your mother-in-law is doing well for someone that thas lived with an Alz. diagnosis for 2 years. About a year and 2 months ago my loved one was diagnosed. Since the diagnosis and perhaps due to Aricept, he has been basically in a holding pattern.

In reading your posts I noticed that your MIL had a major change take place in her life....The move to a facility. She seems to be adjusting well...Perhaps you and your husband are partially responsible for the ease of transition.

One change that I have noticed in Charlie (aside from his lack of short term memory) is that for him time, days, and weeks seem to blend. This used to alarm me. I've gotten used to it
and have started doing things to help him stay grounded in this area. We keep calenders and mark them when tasks are accomplished. A schedule listing future events or appointments stays at his place at the table. We've reached the point where a clock is always within his field of vision.

If your MIL has a calender...Your husband can mark the day that he visited and the day that he expects to visit again. If that does not work...It will not help to argue with his mother. Her reality is different than his.

What I suggest is that he agree with her....Simply state that she is right...He should visit more often...He has been busy and will try to do better in the future because he misses her too. After saying that he should change the subject to something that might interest her.

I hope that this helps.

You didn't say if Mom is in her own home, ALF or NH.

If she is in her own home, buy a calendar with the little spiral thing at the top so you can flip the pages. Every time son goes to visit, have him write on the calendar, "son was here". If he does anything around the house, he can make a note about what he did. "Fixed the door", "Changed Light bulb in ___" you get the picture.

If she lives in a facility, buy a notebook or guest book. Every time someone visits, she can have them "Sign her book".

We discovered this little tool quite by accident. My Mom left a notebook when she was visiting my Great Aunt. I lived on the other side of town from the NH so visited at different times. I ended up leaving a note for my Mom about a funny story the aunt had told me. Soon we were each writing a little note each time we visited.

It was a great tool because we could talk about what the other visitors had noted. Great conversation starter. The aunt would try to get everyone to sign her book when they came into the room. It ended up that even the Doctor was leaving notes for us.

When my Dad's sister was in a NH, this was the first thing we did. She loved to show her book to all of her guests. Even some of the other patients wrote her a little note.

As both of these aunts dementia progressed, they would come up with some very funny stories. We would write them down to share. We have these books now and every once in awhile, we get one out and read all of the funny stories. It seems that they are with us once again.

I hope this helps.

My mom often says she hasn't seen me or one of my sisters in months but we know that atleast one of her daughters see her everyday. Whether it be for a day or an hour. We just try to grin and bare it. Its hard because you know she may forget when you walk out that door that you were there.. but you will know..We have an eraser board that we try to write down everyday who had been there. Sometime it works other times she says thats wrong or the calender is wrong.

My mom comes to one of our houses every weekend and can get home and 10 minutes later forget where she had been.
or not go anywhere and said that she had been gone with one of us that morning. (she would still be in her p.j.s). You never know!!

BF's Mom lives with us and there are times that she asks me why we never come to see her.. I had just been talking to her 5 minutes prior to that.

There is absolutely no concept of time for her.. period. In her mind it is ALWAYS 1963 (that would make me 2 yrs old and BF 5 if that were the case.

We tried the calendar hanging where she could see it with ease. Would even ask her to look at it and tell us what it said (day, month, year).. she would get frustrated and say that it was wrong, so no use looking at it. The same goes with the clock.. got her a clock that talked so she would have someone else other than us telling her what time it was.. No good we were just setting it to what ever time we wanted to make her think she was crazy..

It used to frustrate us to no end, but we just had to finally learn how to get past our frustration and realize that time wasn't something that she could comprehend any longer.

Now when she says we never see her.. we just tell her we will try to do better and we NEVER ask her what day it is.. just so that she wont get as frustrated. We would rather have her confused about the time than crying thinking that she is crazy and we are trying to make her that way..

You just have to find what ever works for her.

Hope it all works out for you and hubby..

Everytime we see MIL she says that no one has visited her or called since she has been there. Her daughter and one of her grandaughters are there more than once a week, and daughter trys to call her often (she can't handle calls and now always gets angry with any call). We visit as often as we can as it is pretty far away.

So we have started to try and take pictures with her and whoever is there, specially if there are decorations in the room that can be positioned in the picture. Now we can show her pictures of everyone there in the room so she can see she has had visitors.

The snapshot of everyone in her room with her seems to work better than anything else with my mom. She always seems to think she has had no visitors despite all sorts of evidence to the contrary. Having people sign in, using calendars, etc is totally useless with her. I just go with the flow - no sense in angering her. It has been like that for three years or so now. She has a similar problem with thinking her hair has not been washed in months though it is done weekly and she might be sitting there with a new perm and nice clean hair. It is just another feature of the disease in her case.