Being a caregiver for a senior family member or friend is very demanding and time consuming and sometimes, can put stress on the caregiver's marriage. The caregiver has to divide his or her time up between his or her spouse and the senior (and sometimes children), which may result in less quality time with the spouse and may lead to feelings of neglect and resentment. In addition, the spouse may be expected or required to do more work to compensate for the time the caregiver must spend caring for the senior. The spouse may also be required to help with the actual physical care of the person.

Caregiving causes stress for both the caregiver and his or her spouse. They may express this stress as frustration and anger directed at the other person. This may also be seen when the person becomes resistant to doing anything more than than he or she has to and everything becomes a major battle. The tension and hostility can multiply for both the spouse and caregiver, becoming an endless circle of stress.

If being a caregiver puts too much stress on your marriage, re-evaluate your options. Try to determine what situation is in the best interest of all parties involved. Consider respite care, live-in help, or contact organizations that offer assistance. If you must be the primary caregiver and it is affecting your marriage, try talking to your doctor or a social worker. They may be able to offer you suggestions to reduce the stress between you and your spouse and help you remain a caregiver. Both partners must learn to deal with the caregiving situation. It is important to take time for you and your spouse. The following are some ideas to reduce the stress when dealing with caregiving:

Non-caregiver: do more to help around the house to alleviate some of your spouse's responsibilities.
Caregiver: ask another family member or friend to help you so that you can spend more time with your spouse. Check with local agencies or churches about what help there is available. Your local Area Agency on Aging is a good starting point.
Make time for each other every day to talk. Discuss what is troubling you and try to solve the problem together.
Make time to do at least one special thing together each week.
Respect each others comments and try to help each other deal with the changes.
Help each other out as much as possible.

quote:

being a caregiver puts too much stress on your marriage, re-evaluate your options. Try to determine what situation is in the best interest of all parties involved. Consider respite care, live-in help, or contact organizations that offer assistance. If you must be the primary caregiver and it is affecting your marriage, try talking to your doctor or a social worker. They may be able to offer you suggestions to reduce the stress between you and your spouse and help you remain a caregiver. Both partners must learn to deal with the caregiving situation. It is important to take time for you and your spouse. The following are some ideas to reduce the stress when dealing with caregiving:

Non-caregiver: do more to help around the house to alleviate some of your spouse's responsibilities.
Caregiver: ask another family member or friend to help you so that you can spend more time with your spouse. Check with local agencies or churches about what help there is available. Your local Area Agency on Aging is a good starting point.
Make time for each other every day to talk. Discuss what is troubling you and try to solve the problem together.
Make time to do at least one special thing together each week.
Respect each others comments and try to help each other deal with the changes.

goals for 2007.....still trying to aleviete some of the stress from mom & leave the guilt behind.......
Help each other out as much as possible.

Good article, TB.

In 1999, my best friend was dying from cancer. I was thrust into a caregiver role because her husband was estranged (long story) and it was just her and her 16-year-old daughter. The biggest mistake I made was allowing my credit card bills to fall behind. I forgot to make timely payments and soon late charges were added which led to over the limit fees, etc. It was a terrible time.

This time around with my mom, the bills are priority. We don't have any credit card debt this time, but I still make it a priority to see to the family matters first. The family is my number one priority, but not to the expense of neglecting my mom - a juggling act, but it can be done.

Thanks for the article TB.
My husband and I care for my mom, but he has fibromyalgia, and chronic pain. So he is limited as to how much he can do, he has good days and bad days, sometimes I expect too much of him. Right now my mom is pretty easy to take care of even though she is probably in late stage. My stepdad is in bed most of the time, and is needing more care, yesterday he fell out of bed and my husband had to pick him up.
We have noticed stress in our marriage since being here. Mostly I think because I don't get out enough, the traffic is really bad here and I don't like to drive in it. There was a lady living here taking care of them before we came, she said she would give us a break every couple of weeks but now it's like once a month she's a really nice lady, she is probably burnt out because her dad had dementia, and then ended up taking care of my mom for about a year.
One of our sons lives with us and is willing to watch mom when we need to get out, but a lot of times I just don't feel like it.
Thanks again the article it is a good reminder. I like the verse you have picked out. I remind myself of it when I get frustrated with mom, when she is in one of her "disagreeable moods".

Bless your heart, Pam. You and your husband have more than your share. You and your family are in my prayers.