My mom has begun targeting my sons girlfriend recently. I'll call her Kim. Kim is the sweetest and kindest person. We absolutely love her and consider her like a daughter. She spends most of her time at our home (when she's not in school or working). My mom has actually become physical and verbally abusive. We can only surmise that my mom is jealous because of the attention that Kim receives from my son. Then, my mom will say to me "that girl doesn't like me does she?". I have tried to explain that Kim is a bit wary and keeps her distance for obvious reasons. My mom seems perplexed ad either doesn't remember or can't comprehend what she has done. She actually shoved Kim pretty hard. I have noticed that my mom has lost some of her capacity for empathy. She has become rather self centered like a child. Interestingly, she was always doing for others all her life. She was somewhat of a control freak even before the AD. She was pretty traumatized as a child in WWII Germany and I think her control issues stem form that. It is however, driving everybody in the house a bit looney. Mom takes over the TV and you'll pull back a stump if you try to change the channel. I forsee that she is going to become more and more aggitated and aggressive as time goes on. Has anybody tried Risperidol? Does it work well? I don't want Kim to always feel like she's walking on eggshells. Fran

Hi Maplesyrp. My DH was put on Risperdal and it helped him a lot. He used to get so upset he would throw himself on the floor and I would get so worried that he might get a heart attack. So the doctor put him on Risperdal and it completely stopped. It calmes them down. He still gets upset at times but it is nothing compared at what he was before the med. Hope that helps.

My stepmom is taking Risperdal. And it works GREAT! Her anger, hallucinations and physical abusive behavior stopped completely on the lowest dose made (.25mg). I would suggest that the prescription come through a neurologist familiar with AD/dementia.

What it seems to do... or at least did for my stepmom... was to stop the mood swings from very high to very angry and now when she gets angry it's always "appropriate anger"... ie she gets angry for the same things you or I would and not "just because".

Seems that they always single out one person to channel their anger towards. I was my stepmom's target... my husband was my dad's. :/ Now they have both forgotten individuals so they are unable to retain an anger for anyone in particular.

And yeah... the first thing that really hit home with this disease was the lack of empathy for others. It will take the most caring individuals and turn them into "me, me, me!!"

Risperdal worked a miracle for my mother. When their behaviors are such as your LO's, it usually means the frontal and/or temporal lobes of the brain are involved - this of course leaves them with no empathy for others and control is everything.

Their delusional thinking leads to free-floating anger with their distorted false beliefs driving them ever onward. It is hell to be condemned to live like that.

I consider Risperdal and it's cousins a blessing not only for us who live with nasty behaviors; but because our LO's are miserable beyond belief inside their heads with how they feel. Risperdal and like medications bring relief from that misery and permit them peace within themselves.

It was nothing short of amazing to see how greatly my mother's delusions were diminished and how almost immediately she calmed. Truly, it is worth doing for all concerned, especially Mother.

My mom got a TERRIBLE shake in her right arm with Risperdal. This is one of the side effects, so watch your mom closely. Because of it, my mom was taken off it. She tried Seroquel and had a bad reaction to it too. Finally, she's been on Zyprexa since early August with very minimal side effects and it's been a big help. She's very CALM now. I would note that she is also on Haldol PRN.

Fran:

I was able to win over some agitated residents at Jeanne's nursing home by just being nice. By exuding good vibes all the time. By being kind even when they were unkind or hostile. I'd urge Kim to not give up. Mom may learn to like her. --Jim

Risperdal was a lifesaver for my Mom as well! She was SO agitated, aggressive, and just plain MEAN prior to this drug. I was NEVER one to advocate medications, but I will tell you that without this, I would have had to put mom in a facility.

We are human after all…From birth we respond positively to positive stimuli… Certainly, "being nice" is always a crowd pleaser …And will work… IF the reciprocate of that positive attitude is able to distinguish this behavior and respond in kind to it.

We had similar issue. Only one family member was "targeted." That person was the most recent addition to our family, by marriage more that 5 years prior to the aggression toward him. Dad's mind obviously was in a place before our daughter was married. I think her Grandfather could not understand this strange mans presence and affection toward his Granddaughter. We don't know if he felt threatened, or if he feared his Granddaughter was threatened. We did not look to medication to remedy the problem at the time because the aggression centered only on the son in law, the one person Dad did not have a long history with. Son in law just laid low, behind the scenes for a time. Then we had daughter tell her Grandfather she was deeply in love, and wanted to introduce the love of her life to him. She told him his approval was the most important to her, even over mine. She went on to tell how happy she was. Right away she called her husband in and introduced him as "the new love in her life." Surprisingly, Dad felt like he was the big cheese, because Granddaughter came to him. He took an immediate liking to our daughters husband. And all is well now.

Good, Dingleberry. I like to hear success stories. And I like your name, too. It has pizazz. A nice ring to it. --Jim

Maplesyrup, In my household I was in the position your son's girlfriend is in. But in my case, I was suspected of being the one losing touch w/ reality. it was terribly stressful. I HATED my MIL. With a passion. Then she was diagnosed w/ AD and put on Resperidal. OMG! Broomhilda became Princess Charming. It made SUCH a difference in her demeanor that I moved back into the home after being gone for 4 years.

What helped in my case was to have my husband set firm boundries with her toward her behavior to me. There would be NO namecalling, no physical confrontations, or she was not welcomed to stay. She was terrified of being sent to a nursing home, and decided that living with me was better than a nursing home. As for how I reacted to her, well...I tried to separate the disease from the person. I tried to understand her world a bit more. I had compassion despite how nasty she treated me. We are now nearing the end. It has been a long, hard battle, but one I am glad to have stayed in.

If your loved one has control issues, set boundries...firmly. She can watch her TV on the channels SHE wants to watch in her room. If she wants to watch TV in the rest of the house, then she has to behave.

You may find that the resperidal helps substantially without having to draw lines in the sand, so to speak.

Hi Fran,
It seems as though you have been given some great advice from folks here. My mom seems to do the same thing, although her targets change every couple months.( It is always nice to hear similar things happening to others) She usually just vents to me, and won't talk to the person. And it is usually some very nice person. Hopefully, the girlfriend will
not begin to take it personally, and can continue to try to be positive.
joni ca.

We haven't tried that medication on mom. for mom has just started getting worse but I understand what your all going through. My mother pretty much tries to attack any female that comes in to our house. Even my self we're working on trying to get things squared away here also. I wish you the very best of luck. Hope your mom starts feeling better.

My Mom also was very self centered,,and also ruled the tv,,and only had empathy for herself. I'm sure that it was the AD,,but then again,,Mom always was all about her type of person.

When Mom attacked me one day,,thats when the red flags went up,,and then with her constant wandering off,,getting in cars with strangers,,and telling everyone that I was trying to poison her and spraying her with acid,,,,well,,it was time for Mom to be placed.

I had always hoped to keep my Mother here with me til she died,,but I seen the strain it put on me,,my husband,,,kids and grandkids,,and I had to evaluate a sad situation.

It wasnt' an easy decision either,,I talked with my Mom's Dr,,a dear friend,,,but mostly,,,I talked with everyone here.

Mom has good days and bad days,,she is now on Celexa,,which seems to have helped with her "anxiety" issues somewhat. So maybe if you talk with your Mom's DR.,,he may start her on some mild meds.

But the fact still remains that your Mom is starting to get aggresive with your son's girlfriend,,well,,thats not good. And soon,,it will flow over to someone else in the house.

Start at step 1,,,talk to the Dr. See if meds are the answer,,if not,,,you may have to make a decision of living arrangements for your Mom.

Hopefully,,,meds will be the answer for your problem. Peace

My Mom also finds one person to target with her abusive outbursts. When she was staying with my brother and his wife, it was his daughter-in-law that was the target. She is the sweetest most compassionate young woman and was wonderful at all times to my Mom. When Mom went to stay with my sister, her husband became the target. There is no rhyme or reason to this behavior and no way to explain to the person with AD that there is no reason to be so angry. I recently moved Mom into a memory-care neighborhood in a wonderful ALF. The psych nurse is working with her to get her mood swings and personality shifts under control. She is on Ativan 3 x daily and just recently was placed on the anti-depressant Trazadone. If this combination does not work the next step will be one of the anti-psychotic meds such as Risperdal or Seroquel. Mom also experiences some delusions and has crying spells. She sundowns very hard.

Targeting seems to be one of the things they do. My husband targeted our daughter-in-law for a short time, then moved on to our son-in-law. It sure made family functions difficult and the son-in-law pulled away from us. Then, he began on a nephew. It is part of this terrible disease, but it hurts these people. Although we know it is the disease not the real person, it hurts the person being targeted. The only person (including myself) my husband never gets angry with is his sister and she only comes around once a month or so. Strange disease! I am so sorry that this is happening to a beautiiful young woman, and I am so sorry for your family.