Hello, I have taken a look at the forum, but it has been awhile since I have been here. My mother-in-law was diagnosed about 2 or so years ago. She is in independent living now, but we moved her from her hometown which she had been in for more than 30 years. She overall is making a life for herself, and do well, but I have noticed that now a days when she calls or wants something from my husband as soon as she gets her answer she just hangs up. She doesn't say how are you? What is going on? or give me a chance to talk at all. It is like she is mad all the time some. There are times when we are with her that she seems ok, and I think she remembers more than we think, and then others where she can't remember at all or she is overwhelmed in the situation.

She was a career woman, loved to throw parties, involved in community theatre when younger and generally was a social bee, and now it seems she doesn't want to hardly come to our house and spend anytime, and if we go there I can tell when it has been too long for her at some point. I know this all sounds crazy, but sometimes my husband and myself are perplexed.

I have dealt with dementia/chronic memory loss/chronic illness, but nothing like this. It seems you could get into an arguement easy with her if you don't watch you p's and q's and I don't know when a good time will be not to take my children anymore. They are 13 and 9, but they get frustrated, and I explain it to them, but they don't really comprehend. I don't go much by myself like I use too because it seems when my husband is not around she seems to be much more inconsiderate or mean a bit.

I really am trying to understand all of this!! I have read up and eduacated myself, but I feel this is going to be a long road.

Thanks,
Michelle

Michelle, I think the only rule is that there aren't any rules. If you graphed it, there's gonna be dots up and down, with an overall trend downward; And I'm so sorry about your kids missing out on that wonderful grandmother they're supposed to be havingfun with and learning so much from. She sounds wonderful. Just read all you can; as questions come up that you can't yet anticipate - and they will - reach out, ask around. Find resources and know what you can put in place later, when you need more help, because then you'll be so stressed and busy it will be harder to focus and think about your options. Yes, this is indeed a long road. A scary long road.
Good luck, and God bless.

Just remember,,,its the illness,,,don't take it so personal,,and yes,,I know thats easier said than done. Whenever there's a new behaviour change,,I think that its another part of the brain dying off and starting another type of personality defect,,if that makes any sense.

As far as going to see your MIL,,and taking the kids,,,don't take the kids,,unless its very obvious that she truly is so happy and thrilled to see them,,if she is just the same with them as you,,dont' put the kids thru it.

Let hubby go and visit with her,,,or if your'e able to go along,,find someone to leave the kids with while you go and visit MIL.

Or,,have hubby bring MIL to your house for a nice Sunday dinner and visit. If it proves to be too much for her,,,hubby can always make her a plate of food to go,,and take her back home.

I'm still learning so much about AD,,,but I do know that if I feel uncomfortable,,I just should'nt be there at that particular time.

At least you can leave her and go back to your house,,,I have to live with mine! The fun never ends. Peace

I am not an expert. A newbie here myself. But I notice a similar thing with my Grandmother. She doesn't get mad but rather just not talkative. Like she has nothing to say. I have tried to chat her ear off thinking that she just doesn't have new things to talk about. I tell her about what is going on with the kids and what is happening with us but then I get "Are you done yet. I have to go". I think that she just is losing her ability to really hold a conversation. Maybe that is what your MIL is doing. Maybe the anger part is just part of the AD or maybe she is angery cause she can pick up that her conversations are not like they used to be and doesn't know what to do. Angery that she can't remember. KWIM? I don't know. But like someone else mentioned, just remember it isnt' who she is as you knew her and try to hold onto that.

The very first sign to me that something was up with Mom was that we would talk on the phone, she was done, and she would hang up.She was done.
I called her back a couple of times and said "MOm I wasn't done yet, that's why I didn't say goodbye." She was mortified. But then she did it again and I realized something was changing in her, something was up.

It's not her, it's the disease. It's not her, it's the disease. It's not her, it's the disease. It's not her, it's the disease.

You just learn to say it over and over again. Until you get it. And then you say it again.

Try not to stay away from her, I hope your kids can do the same. She needs the love and support and I think many times they react with anger because they are defensive....and scared.

Thank you all very much for your suggestions and commments. It will help I know the next time we are with her. I know that we have to be in the mood sometimes to go and see her as it is in the facility. I know I had to do that with my father when he was in the nursing home. I went frequently as I knew it would do him and me good. I know it does do us good to see her and take her dog to see her.

I guess eventually we will have to find a local support group later down the road at some point. My hubby is not ready for that right now. He is just trying to handle the week to week decisions. Just recently he has had to put her on a budget and give her a debit card, and when it is gone it is gone as she can't keep up with her purse from time to time.

I know it is the disease. I just hate illness when it starts to take over like this no matter who it is.

Thanks,
Michelle

MRS,
I can't tell you how my mother has changed. Sje was a friend to ALL, taking care of so many of her friends as they died. She was an architect, an avid reader and the most wonderful, thoughtful mother in the world. Now she rarely talks, pretneding not to hear, doesn't read anything, does digusting things with her nose and is just not herself. But when I tuck her inbed and kiss her good night she tells me she loves me to eternity and beyond and I forget the worst moments of the day. Mother lives in an ALF and still can be charming but most of the time she is gone to a place only she can cope with. Who can blame her when the days are filled with so much confusion and loneliness for lost family members and those who never visit!

Good luck and remember to find moments of peace and remembrance for yourself and your children.

susan