My dad is in stage 6, being cared for by my mom. He clings to her 24/7. He thinks she is having an affair with the jerk he sees in the mirror, or the guy who fixes the water heater, or her son that mows the lawn. My mom has been resistant to getting home help, but now may be ready. My question for you all is this..do you think my dad will be able to accept a woman caregiver in the home and over time, allow my mother some freedom to go shopping, or just take a few hours of alone time now and then? He sometimes doesn't remember who my mom is, and asks her where that other woman is.

Hi Rennay,

Welcome to the forum. Your Dad's reaction to seeing others around your Mom as her "boyfriends" or as "suspicious" is perfectly normal in the AD world. My husband was that way quite a bilt. He'd try having conversations with me telling me that his wife (me) was messing around, and that I was "out right now with that guy." Unfortunately there is very little one can do to change, or straighten out their perceptions. It does seem to be a long phase when one is going through it.

For the same reasons you mentioned I was really hesitant to bring in any companion help, and it made life pretty miserable. Not being able to make it to the post office, or bank, or store because I couldn't get away by myself. Getting grocery shopping only half done because I had to take him with me and he demanded to "leave this place" after picking up just a few things.

My husband is gone now, but looking back I regret that I wasn't looking out for myself more, and getting respite....time for myself to recharge my batteries. I know it is tough to encourage your Mom to go forward with a caregiver for an hour here and there. I know I was resistant and should not have been.

One thing to do is make sure the caregiver has a heads up, and your mom might act like she has a friend coming over. They could visit briefly as if friends, and then your Mom can simply state she has to run a quick errand and the caregiver could state that he/she would enjoy sitting and talking until she gets back. Lots of little scenarios could be invented.

Good luck, and if your Mom is on the computer much you might encourage her to join us too.

Have a good day.

rennay,
Welcome to this great supporting site.
You will find caring people with great ideas.
Diana has already given you words of wisdom. Since we are all walking this path with a LO you will find that we know.
I am the lady that moved in and took over my mothers house, or her sister or her sweet mamma.
Strange feeling but I just put on that hat as long as she thinks I am whoever. lol
And you have to laugh because it is just to sad to bear otherwise.
Hug you mom and help her move through this as you are and post often.
It helps to find people that trully do understand what you are saying.
Sheryl

OH - I can relate. The last week I was taking care of mom and dad, mom came with me to do errands and I cooked. She got really mad at me one day and told me" He's mine and I take care of him". She thought I was another woman taking care of my dad. She was very surpised to find out I was his daughter!

Years ago when my dad needed a caregiver my mom was very resistant to having another woman. We found some very wonderful male caregivers through an agency. Aside from the territorial problem, my dad was a big guy, and the men were usually strong enough to really help him physically. Anyway, you might look for men to help.