I signed the papers and submitted the initial payment today to get guardianship and conservativeship over my mother. I'm going for an emergency hearing - which is next week Tuesday - because she is planning to leave for Florida in a few weeks.
I know this will destroy the relationship with my mother but she really needs someone to look out for her. It's just so hard - I don't have any other relatives. I just need some support.
K

you know that you have to do the right thing for your mom. be at peace.

Dear Kdoglady:

My sister and I have had guardianship over our mother since last October. There is no question that this is necessary for her safety and well being. She was furious and hated that we have guardianship, but she doesn't mention it anymore. Also, she was very ill and needed to go to the doctor, but refused. We called the police to have her taken to the gero-psyche hospital. These past few months have been very difficult, but today, she lives with my sister and is doing well. We have many good moments and she hugs us and tells us she loves us. You are doing the right thing to keep your mother safe. Things are tough right now, but I'll bet your relationship with your mother will improve with time. Hang in there.

I hope this works out ok for you both

Have you checked all your files and hers?

There may ALReADY be a durable power of attorney, which gives you full control.

We found one for mom in law too late, in their file cabinet. By this time, dad in law, had guaranteed over 150k in hospital debt. He is now on the hook for nearly 200k.

Doublecheck, it may already be there, if there has been any planning in the past.

Lflood, that may not be true, depending on what state you are in and how the DPOA is written. I have DPOA for my dad, but that does not mean I can do anything like get him treatment, handle his financial affairs, etc. WITHOUT his consent. He can always countermand anything I do. It does not remove HIS ability to act. Of course, when he gets to the point like my mom, where he can no longer object, the story changes.

But in this case, where mom is obviously planning her own travel, etc. she will probably need to be declared unable to handle her own affairs and placed under a guardianship for her children to really help her.

Kdoglady, you are doing the right thing to help your mom. It's not fun, but neither is dragging a kicking and screaming 6-year-old to school. There are certain things we have to do out of love. You may also find it actually helps in time -- not you have a bad guy. "The judge said..." may become your favorite phrase.

We must do what is best for the LO. I just had to take my mom's vehicle away in April, then convince her -- dragging almost -- to NEW doctor who diagnosed her with dementia. Then had to move her into ALF. We did move without even telling her as knew there was no CONVINCING. Just do what's best and in the end it all works out.

Mom has been in new facility for almost 2 mos and really has adjusted. You know I was ASSUMING she'd get all her loaded guns out and walk out the front door of ALF....but she has adjusted very well and think it was what she needed. Parents won't tell us they need help and/or admit they want to move. We as the caretakers must do what's right and best for their safety.

Best to you and be strong as it will all work out. In the end your mom will most likely be upset and mad at you, but she'll get over it. Hey for a while I was the BAD DAUGHTER WHO TOOK AWAY HER CAR AND MADE HER GO TO THE DOCTOR. Today I visit in her nice apt at ALF and we have good chats and enjoy each other. Amazing how things can change....

Keep us posted on your progress...

quote:

Originally posted by Lflood:
Have you checked all your files and hers?
There may ALReADY be a durable power of attorney, which gives you full control.

Lflood,
I DO have Durable Power of Attorney, but mom is planning to change it. Carolina Songbird is correct; it doesn't give me the power to overrule her on anything. She can appoint someone else to have DPOA as long as she can convince an attorney do so. I'm sure you're aware of how well our LO can conceal their problems.
Thanks for your ideas,
K

Kdoglady, this has to be so very hard on you. I can't imagine having to do something that I knew was going to cause such heartache for all concerned. Gosh I wish I could send you all the strength you're going to need - but you do know you're doing the right thing, not the easy thing, but the right thing. Thoughts, prayers and ((huggs)) for you as you embark on this path.
Marie

Yes, the outer appearance can be deceptive, when dealing with DPOA issues.

We have a LO who is "mostly" okay if you spend a few minutes with him, but is far worse off during extended periods than most can see. Fortunately, our Dr's are all aware of the larger picture.

We have been, with LO's consent, been using the DPOA to take care of things that otherwise would be left undone. Our attorneys have already confirmed he would not meet the legal standards required to change the DPOA.

It sounds like your LO is not quite at that point, at least to the outside observer.

I hope this works out for you.