I saw where you said you'd just come back from visiting your mom - is she doing better? Have they been able to come up with the right "cocktail" to level off the agitation. I've been so hopeful.
Marie

Thanks for asking. I was actually just about to post. It was one of the best visits I've had with her, yet sad at the same time. She was more relaxed than ever, which I'm not sure is a good sign. The only clear thing she said to me was that she doesn't know how much longer she is going to live like this. I rubbed her hands, then her feet, then her hands again. She rubbed my hands back. I just held on to her the whole time. Then the guy came in to clean her bathroom, he was singing opera. He had the most beautiful voice. I told him so and my mother said "beautiful". He then serenaded her and I actually saw my mother force a smile. It took everything for me not to cry. She was actually fine when I left and she asked me when I would be back. She introduced me to the social worker as her daughter, but never said my name. That's ok.

She's still refusing her meds. There is only one nurse there who is able to get her to take her meds, but she doesn't work 24/7.

It's so hard to see her like this. It's also heart wrenching to be in the dementia wing of a geriatric pscyh ward. The screaming, the crying - it was awful. I broke down as soon as I left. I ran into opera guy in the parking lot and he gave me a nice big smile and told me I was "excelente".

Friends are trying to get me to meet them for a drink tonight, but I'm too weepy.

I'm so full of mixed emotions for you. My eyes teared up as I "read" the pain in your post, but yet there is relief and hope too. I can't imagine the feelings after being in such a setting. At least your mom isn't fighting those horrible demons - today. Try and pull your chin up, sitting home crying isn't going to help mom in the tiniest and maybe being with others will help. Tell them you want the first 1/2 hour to let it all out, and cry on their shoulders - then you want to focus on them. And do it. Hang in there, we're all behind 'ya
Marie

I think it's best I stay in tonight. My body wants to give out on me. I think I'm going to go to bed early. As Bledsoe can understand only too well, my IBS has been OUT OF CONTROL this week.

Not to mention today is my nephew's 11th birthday and I forgot to send him a card and a gift. It's the first time. I'm failing as an aunt!

okay I am buttin in here too...marj I just feel that awful gut wrenching pain for you...I can't not imagine hearing all that crying and screaming on the dementia ward...it would definetly get to me.OMG! My dad has only one person that screams now and then and a few that just cry all the time...its heartbreaking...I am so sorry you had to go thru that.

I am glad, however, to hear that your mom was calm today...that was definetly light in the midst of the darkness. You are a wonderful, caring daughter marj..holding mom and rubbing her hands..just what you both needed.

Go out tonite like lil red suggested...have some laughter with friends..you deserve it and you need it...I always say to my girlfreinds "Lets talk all about your life today, take me away..." it works!

I am praying for you, and hoping you get a good nites rest...but you go have fun first!

kim

Marj - I, too, have teared up while reading your post. I have been following what you and your mom and your sister have been going through. We all know how hard it is seeing our loved ones so scared and confused. We want so badly for them to have a nice life. I think that man that came in to clean the bathroom was like an angel...made your mom smile. Cherish that memory, Marj. You will call on it later.

I lost my mom earlier this year to this dreaded disease. I call on my memories every day to get me through. I remember rubbing her back as we sat together in a store waiting for my brother to go through the check out process. I remember holding her hand before she died---I can remember what her hand felt like. So, cherish those memories. They will serve you well.

Hope you decide to enjoy yourself with your friends tonight. Life is too short.

We care,

Mari

Today was a good memory day, the hand rubbing.

I am in for the night, except for walking the dog. Pray for me that my drugstore.com box is in the lobby waiting for me. I need Advil, and NOW! The thought of walking the dog, then dropping him home and then out again to go to the drug store is so unappealing.

Plus I have an unbelievable amount of work to do for school and I just couldn't do a drop of it today. I have a date tomorrow night with a guy whom I've nicknamed "Big Jerk" so I'll be out tomorrow night. I need a good night's sleep. And oh yeah, a champagne party tomorrow morning at 7:30 It's the neighborhood gathering of people with their dogs, in a human beauty parlor before the customers arrive. It's a combination birthday celebration for a few people (not my 11 year nephew). Definitely staying in tonight with my dog, my bed and hopefully some Advil.

Take care of yourself...but are you sure you want to keep a date with someone nicknamed, "Big Jerk"?

Marj --- "Big Jerk"????

I say, go out tonight with your friends and stay home tomorrow night with the dog and the advil!

Mari

Too late, the Advil came, along with the Advil PM. Guess which one I took?

It's all good. I've been extra cranky lately so I'm sure my nickname is "Great Big Jerk".

Another good thing about today, I hit NO traffic, nada, not one bit. Anyone that knows New York City or New Jersey knows what an unbelievable feat that was. Both ways too. Even crossing the GW Bridge, not even a line to pay the toll, the cash toll.

Now I wish I could go again tomorrow and see her, but I really can't. No car tomorrow and way too much work to do.

Oh, Marj, what a time you have been having! My heart just goes out to you. I hope you get some rest tonight and have a good day tomorrow.

I also have IBS and I know how frustrating and painful it can be when things just aren't going well in your life. Some rest will surely help.

Mom's roommate has been having a rough time lately and told me she screamed out loud the other night. I'm wondering if that woke Mom and how she would have reacted. Of course, there's no use asking her as I'm sure she wouldn't remember. But I can only imagine how much worse the geriatric psych ward must be. Please hang in there. You know we are here for you.

DJ, maybe it's you with the IBS and not Bledsoe, or maybe it's all of us!

Imagine your loved one on their worst day, the one when they are so belligerent and delusional and need a medication adjustment. Then multiply that by MANY and you have the dementia unit of a geriatric psych ward. Today she was so sweet and I wanted to scoop her up and take her out of there. That stupid waiting list, sigh. I wish I could get it through to her that if she would just stop being resistant to care and take her medication, that we COULD get her out of there.

Now I'm really hitting the hay.

its all 3 of us and a whole lot more!!