My mother has been telling me, every day to take her home. She has been home, the whole time. Sunday afternoon, I took to my sister's for a while, but that did not help any with what she had been telling me. Yesterday, she got upset with her brothers, because she feels like they don't care anything about her anymore. She only has 1 brother living. She told me that she talked with her mother about the way the boys were treating her. My grandmother died in 1945.

Today, she got started again, about wanting to go home. I told her that we would go, when I got through with what I was doing. So she said that she was going to have to look up the phone number & tell her brothers to come get her. She told me that tomorrow is not going to be any different, if she was still here at this house.

I called, Hospice, & the nurse that was on call, called me back. I told her that I don't know, but I think that my mother's alzheimer's medicine has stopped working. She said that it sure sounds that way. She called the doctor at hospice & they called in Ativan for her. When she was in the hospital, the ativan did not work for her, so I did not think that it would work this time. So when we got back home, I gave her one. She went to sleep. I am at a real lose as to what to do. I don't want her medicine stopped, but if it is not working, why keep her on it.

Elizabeth

It's hard to know if the Alzheimer's medicine (aricept, namenda, etc) are working or not, IMO. Would the decline be even more swift without them?
Have you tried taking your Mom out for the day, to a mall, the zoo, a park, etc to just change the focus for a little while? It won't solve the problem, but could make things nicer for you both for awhile. I'm glad the ativan helped her to sleep.

She never wants to go anywhere, says that she feels to bad. But she will go with my sister, anywhere.

I'm sorry for what you and your Mom are going through.
Sounds like your Mom needs a medication adjustment. Sounds like she's suffering with anxiety!! Please speak more with the hospice nurses and social workers as well as the chaplain and the doctor!!

Good Luck. Keep us posted!

Liz,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. When my mom was going through the "going home" stage, we used Xanax to keep her calm. She would wear herself out looking for the door that would take her home. Many never get out of this stage. I hate to tell you that, but it is the truth. You will have to find what works best for your particular situation.

My heart goes out to you. I'm hoping and praying you find a workable solution soon.

quote:

Originally posted by Elizabeth Taylor:
She never wants to go anywhere, says that she feels to bad. But she will go with my sister, anywhere.

My Grandma, who has AD and other ailments, always says she doesn't want to go out, unless it's to get her hair done. But, I take her out and after we've arrived at our destination, I ask her if she's having fun and if she wants to go home and she always says that she's glad I took her out. The thought of going out isn't appealing to her, but once she's out, she has a really good time. Just a thought.

I know what you're going through. My mom wants to go home too. The only problem she wants to go back to PA. She has lived in CA for over 50 yrs. I just tell her it's to far away. I try to change the subject. She also talks about her sister like they are here. Everyday I'm a different sister. I just talk to her. She also wants to know why her husband did'nt come home. My dad passed away 11 yrs ago. That's a harder one. I don't want to upset her, so I sometimes pretend I didn't here her and she usually forgets what she ask me. This is tuff. Hang in there, we are all in this together.

Is she on any psychiatric meds like antipsychotics or antidepressants? Examples include Seroquel and Celexa.

If not, I would consider talking to her doctor.

She seems pretty agitated, possibly delusional, which is quite common among people with dementia.

Very small doses of the appropriate medication would likely dramatically improve how she feels with little risk of side effects.

And it won't zombify her.

I can feel your concern and distress/frustration,,from your posting.

First and foremost,,you're doing a great job of caring for your Mom,,,and if you can get an occasional break from cargiving every now and then,,by all means let your sister take your Mom out for a few hours,,it will be good for you,,and also good for your Mom.

I would say to start to do a "process of elimination" of things,,,first,,have your Mother checked for a urinary tract infection,,,this in itself can and does cause irrational and irritating behavior.

Also,,what meds is she on,,how long has she been on them? IF its Aricept and Namenda,,well you won't know if they're working,,until you try her "off" of them to see. But warning,,you can't just stop either one,,you must speak to her Dr first,,and possibly "wean her off".

If Ativan doesn't work,,and she is imagining that her brothers are both alive,,and that she's speaking to her Mother,,then request a low dose of Risperdal for her. Of course,,you will have to be aware of her for any negative side effects.

But to put you at ease,,my Mother took Risperdal once a day,,,and then it was increased to the same low dosage 0.5mg to twice a day. It made a huge difference in her behavior and mood,,,and without making my Mom looped out.

Hope that you can get things settled in a comfortable manner for your mom ,,,cause how well I know that when Mama's not happy,,,ain't nobody happy.

I wish you strength to get thru all of this.Peace & Blessings

Elizabeth,
People don't always react the same way to medications from one time to the next. She may get a lot of help from the Ativan this time. I'm glad you're giving it a try.
K

Hang in there - all good advice. It takes a long time to get the med's just right for anyone. Then they seem to be going along OK for awhile and then hit another drop down. That's how the disease works. My Mother too wanted to 'go home'. Interestingly, she was in her own home at the time. So who knows what mythical home they're speaking of? You did well to put it off in a theraputic lie. I'd keep with that strategdy. This is a phase for many - it was for us. Enough to drive you nuts I can understand... but you can get through it. I'd have your Sister come pick her up for a day.... Take a breather. It really helps a lot.
Thinking of you -

Just keep fibbing to her. Tell her you will take her home next Tuesday. It's sad, my dad has also said that I am his little sister and sometimes will not believe me when I tell him that he's 86. (He'll ask me how old he is) Interestingly, he knows that his older brother is in his nineties, but never sees the disparity in age between the two of them. He'll say, "Shorty's almost 100 years old. He hasn't got long to live." But on the other hand, he thinks he's in his forties.

You are doing a great job of taking care of your mother. Just keep up the fibs for a while. I am told that this will pass, and when it does, you will probably miss her chatter. But it is hard to take now. I understand completely. I miss my mother's sense of humor. It was about the last thing to go on her.

It's so hard when they are asking to go home, especially when they ARE home. I suspect it is not so much about a place but a state of mind. "Home" is where they recall being safe and loved, away from the turmoil of this disease. Don't try to convince her she is home; it won't compute and will only frustrate her. Instead try changing the subject, switching her attention to something else, or use loving deceptions. "Sure, Mom, the painters aren't quite done at your house. We'll go next week." Or whatever satisfies her, even for a few minutes. Your goal is to make her feel safe, even if her reality is not the one the rest of us know.

I think it may also be connected to the brain damage. My grandfather had a brain tumor spawned by lung cancer. He was brought home to die with the help of Hospice. He could not be convinced he was home. Even when my aunt asked him to describe his bedroom and she pointed out how that description fit the room he was in, he was simply unable to recognize it as his own.

Someone told me it is non lying....it is theraputic fibbing.

People "land" in different time periods of their life and then fit the world in to their reality. My mom would call me on the phone from her room (and the phone number she had her entire adult life) to my phone (10 feet away). Sometimes she wanted to go home, and some time she needed me to come over and visit. I would try and get her into a conversation based in her time period which many times broke the aggitation. The guilt about placing her in an alzheimers unit was unbelievable, but within hours it was her new home. Her room was her apartment and the commom areas were downtown. She went out to lunch (dining room) everyday with her friends from college (other patients on the unit). And talks to her parents and other relatives (who would be about 120 years old if living) several times a week.