Well everythings crazy here as usual. Mom had another crazy episode today, which I seemed to loose a little bit of my cool. But I'll explain that in a minute. So far I have not gotten the chance to speak with dad, about moms severe outbursts of anger and aggression. I wanted to talk with him when mom was napping but of course because that was my plan mom hasn't taken a nap in two days. Its hard to speak to him when shes there because anytime she heres the words she or her, she automatically assumes your talking about her even when your not. So for 2 days I've been waiting for her to fall asleep so the 2 of us could talk but her napping never happened. But today she lost it again, and he was here for it, he got to see her first hand. Which in a way was a relief. But there is a bigger problem when sitting in the bedroom with my daughter just watching tv and hangin out with a friend, mom just walked in the room and gave my friend a hug and hugged skyla which was strange at first cuz my friend is female and mom usually tries to attack her. But then she walked out of the room, she came back in 5 mins later and started calling all of us obscene names, and using fowl language as usual. And she walked back out 5 mins again and she came back in fussing all the way and she just looked at my daughter and called her a nasty little b-word and just reached out to grab her throat, in which I grabbed my mothers arm just before she caught my daughter. And had to pickher up with all my might to get her out of my room. She tried to over power me but couldn't this time, and I continued toscream for my father to come get her. She then tried to fight him, and lost control. Shes been angry all night now, But thank god my baby is safe. So he didn't speak to anyone for the rest of the night. I think he gets it now and unfortunately it had to come to his grandaughter being in danger to see it. I have decided to move out. Its his ultimate decision as to what to do with her, and me and my child need our safety. My boyfriend is getting an apartment closer to me and we're moving in together, since we will be getting married next year. I love my family, but for my safety and my daughters I think its time to leave, and I need to try and work on my life. For some that may be selfish, but I feel its what I need to do.

Nicki-

You're not being selfish, you're doing what you need to survive and take care of your daughter.

Just because you're leaving the house, doesn't mean you're not going to participate in taking care of your mom.

It is not only "forgivable" for you to leave, I think it's a good choice.

Nicki, I am so sorry things have come to this in your home, but you are making a very wise choice. It's too bad your dad can't see it, but you have to take care of your daughter.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

I think you are doing the right thing too. You have to protect your daughter and yourself. You know that your Mother would want you to protect yourself from someone that could harm you or your daughter.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Listening to your story makes me scared of what lies ahead for me as well.
I don't think you should feel selfish at all. Putting your child first makes you anything but selfish. Maybe there needs to be some intervention at this time before the situation becomes worse and someone gets hurt.

Oh Nicki, I agree. You needed to get you and your child out of the house. Please honey, do not take her back in there again. You are right, her safety comes first. Your Dad has to now realize that something must be done.

And your safety is also very important for your daughters sake. Until things get better, I don't think that going there too often would be wise. Please be careful and keep in touch with us and let us know how we can help.

Jackie

I may have missed the "beginning" of your story....but it sure sounds to me like mom needs to see her doctor....soon!

Who does mom live with and where is dad?

It probably is best for you and your daughter to move into a place of your own.

Who will care for your mom?

nicki..

you know what is best..trust your instincts..consider having that heart to heart talk with your dad..you were unable to have..and help your dad..make good decisions..for your moms care..in the future..take care..keep in touch..love Rosie

Nicki,,how awful for that to have happened,,but then again,,it was good that it happened with your Dad being there and able to see it firshand.

Do you have a friend that you and your daugther could to and stay with til you get into your apartment with your boyfriend?

Its not safe for you to be there to help care for your Mom anymore,,and its definately not safe for your child either.

And I would hope that your father isn't actually foolish enough to expect you to still caregive for your Mom at this stage of the game.

I'm sure your Dad has some vacation time where he will have to take it off and get her either evaluated and medicated,,and he needs to get to a good Eldercare lawyer and protect his assets,,while setting up finances for your Mom's care.

Did your Dad go off to work tonite ,,,leaving you there to care for Mom? If he did,,,call him at work and tell him he's selfish,,and cowardly,,he has to do what has to be done for the entire sake of the family. Your'e in my prayers. Peace

Nicki..I am so sorry it came to this but you need to be safe for yourself and your daughter...you have understood what is going on with your mom but your daughter has seen too much. You're not being selfish you're being a good mom. Take care...

Nicki---Unless your father takes some action to rectify the situation, it is probably time for you to leave...At least until until the situation corrected.

There are other members with young children that have had violent loved ones. I hope that some find the time to post to your thread. If I remember correctly NuttyChris (who is not nutty)had similar problems with her mother-in-law. You might want to look at some of her posts.

Good luck.

Dear Nicki: Please accept my sympathy on what has happened. I am so sorry.

I am also very proud of you in that you choose not to be part of the dysfunction but have chosen to protect your child. Is there any way for you to get out of there this weekend?

May God bless you and keep you and assist you on the path you are taking. You are not selfish, you are not abandoning your parents - you are doing what is quite appropriate.

Please let us know how you are doing, we will be thinking of your and your sweet daughter.

Please also let your Dad know that he too can come here to talk if he wishes to do so. We would welcome him.

Nicki, First of all, I am sorry for this outburst of anger and hostility from Mom, I can totally understand, maybe she see's you slipping away and that fear is magnified by the AD.....same with my Mother, I have no children, but when my husband is in the room, she changes....he understands but it could be taking its toll on him (husband) but he knows that I would gladly move somewhere else until this journey is complete, we spoke about this last year and Im willing to sacrifice ALL, my lovely home, where Mom stays with us. My Mother comes before anyone or anything else, she is but a child now and maybe you could move closer to her and still be there for her AND have your personal life as well. I can only say what I would do, but for me, there is no greater love than a Mothers love, try not to be too hard on her, for she is not thinking as she once did.......we are in their world, they are not in ours......Good luck!!

Hope all goes well for ALL.

ZOEY M
Christian
Daughter
Wife
Caregiver
Advocate
Survivor

How old is your daughter? Is she able to defend herself if you are not there? I do agree that it is time for you to get out of there. Please do not feel guilty.

Nicki, So sorry to hear that you've had more problems with your mother's rage. I'm glad your dad got to see it this time. Hope that's a step in the direction of getting her to a doctor to help control her moods.

I think you're doing the best thing you can do by getting your daughter out of that situation. Good luck. ((HUGS))

Nicki, my thoughts are with you. I agree with the others that you have to do what is best for you and your child. You can still love mom, but safety must be first. Blessings to you.

Dear Nicki,

You are doing the right thing getting your daughter out of there. Her safety and yours comes first.

Lisa

Kathy... no she can not defend herself my daughter is only 4 years old.

And thank you everyone for your support, you guys are the best. I love you all and appreciate you so much.

Yes, your daughter's safety is your number one priority!

Your dad is most likely going to need your support and advice as he gets your mother to the doctor and hopefully on some medication to help ease her agitation. But you can offer that support from the safety of another residence at least until things settle down.

take care Nikki, it is hard but leaving does seem the right thing to do. Once your living arrangements stabilize, you can go and help your dad without risking your daughter.

Nicki, how are you doing today?