My mom is 92 and was diagnosed a year ago with AD. She still is very well with it, she recognizes people, is able to take care of herself, gets around without any physical limitations and really for the most part is a young 92.
I tend to be the caretaker. I love mom, and want to continue her independence and dignity as long as I can. My DH and I both work 50 hour weeks and I travel occasionally for work and recently discovered that mom had missed her doctor's apptmt (my brother forgot) in June and isn't taking her medications regularly. I took her into the Dr's and also audited her medication and discovered that she hadn't taken her Aricet in 5 mos, her Thyroid or her BP or heart pills on a regular basis. She also has lost 6 lbs in 6 mos. I got her a pill box for the week and am now looking at some home health care to perhaps come in and monitor her meds, make sure that she is eating and to get her out to get some errands done or to go to the beauty palor or get her hair done. I'm also looking at some options to get her to the county senior center where perhaps she can interact with others, play some cards and be the active person she used to be.
I could go on and on, but I'm curious how do you go about interviewing home companions? What do you look for other than obviously a good fit? I contacted her county's senior services and they supplied me with a list, but am not sure how to go about it. Any thoughts? Also I would love to get her out amoungst people but am not sure if she will go to the Adult Day Care Center that the county offers. Money is not really an issue, my dad left my mom very well off and she has good health care and his pension. I want to use it for the purpose my dad intended and make her comfortable while I can. My brother and SIL think ALF is the answer but I'm afraid it will disrupt her routine, familiarity with where things are and of course since they don't offer much assistance other than taking her to church each week, (I suggested this) I will have to continue as I'm doing, researching, reviewing, packing, etc to make that transition. I know that is selfish, but to this point I have been the one to get her legal effects in place, obtain POA and POH. I know she will dig her heels in even on the change of having someone else come out and take care of her, but I can't do all this by myself.
I am in the Detroit area. If I ask my brother to assist or my SIL they are always too busy or mother's place is too far to drive. (we all live in the same area-I'm just 'closer') They are both retired and I still work full time. I am really feeling overwhelmed, and would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.
Thanks in advance, Diva

Whew! Where do we start responding to everything you wrote? (lol)

I wanted to respond to one thing in your post. If we had moved my LO to an ALF (from her independent living apartment) when she was in the earlier stages of the disease, she would most likely have adjusted well and understood more and enjoyed taking part in activities and such. Now, I don't believe she is able to make that transition. She now has 24 hour care (can afford it) but I feel she would have been much happier in a "smaller world" at the ALF.

Home caregivers are great, but are you willing to handle all the headaches of having someone there all the time as your mom worsens?

You're on the right track coming here for advice. I'm sure others will pipe in soon.

Teri

I don't know where in the Detroit area you are, I'm in the area too- but Oakland County Catholic Services has a GREAT adult daycare program- my Grandma went there when I was working. They will dispense pills at the daycare. They'll even give her a shower. They have activities, a van will pick her up, they have lunch and snacks twice a day. They take some people on "field trips" sometimes. They have animals visit now and then. I'm SO SO SO particular about my Grandma and how she is cared for, I'm almost never satisfied that someone is doing a good enough job, but I LOVED the care that she received there. It's definitely not a fancy place by any means, but they have trained staff and trained volunteers. My Grandma got a lot of 1 to 1 attention (she likes that ) ). All of the people that work there really care about the people that come to the daycare. It's a non-profit agency and I really felt like every person who worked there loved what they did, and that includes the volunteers. It is run by Catholic Social Services, but you don't need to be Catholic to attend.
Do NOT call it daycare. Tell her it's a senior center or a job.
As far as home care services, I use Comforcare now and then. They have some awesome health aides and some crappy ones. But, if you get one you don't like, you can switch until you find a good one. They are really reliable and if someone ever doesn't show, you call and they find a replacement.

Hi Chromediva, Welcome to the Forum. I don't know what stage your mother is in. But, with AD, things can change so fast. I tried the home caregiver. My mother wasn't taking her RX or eating well, she had lost a lot of weight. I had high hopes with a caregiver. She seemed to know and love the job. My mother thought she was a neighbor that came for a visit every day. But, as I said things change fast with AD and it didn't take long before my mother needed full time care.

I agree with Teri, I wish I had put my mother in ALF sooner. She needed a better routine and I have seen a big improvement in her.

There are pros and cons to either way. I did want to tell you you are not selfish!!!! You are doing every thing you can to help your mother. Your brother and SIL, I may call them a little selfish...I may even call them a few other things. Do the best you can and don't be so hard on yourself.

Come here often for any thing we can do to help. There are so many caring people here ready and willing.

BIG HUGS to you, Jackye Take care

My mom will be 96 this month, and I live at home with her, and I'm her 24/7 caregiver.

From what you described, I would also go with the ALF. Lots of activities, house cleaning, and dining with residents.

Hiring in-home help can be difficult. I would hire initially from an agency because they do criminal background checks, drug testing, credit checks, reference, etc. Then when you find one you like, you can hire them directly. The agencies in my area charge $25phr and up, but the worker only sees between $8-12phr. So even offering $15.phr, is worth their while. And the agencies don't have you commit to using them.
When you bring someone into the home you might need to install surveilance cameras. You would need to remove valuables; important papers, including bank statements; liquor; etc.
But another problem that can creep in is that as Alzheimer's progresses, patients have a tendency to become paranoid and can misplace things insisting that the help is stealing. Happens a lot. And unfortunately, sometimes they are. But a lot do not steal.
And usually you will need a backup caregiver in the event that your caregiver needs time off, sick leave, vacation, family emergencies, etc.

quote:

Originally posted by Chromediva:
My mom is 92 and was diagnosed a year ago with AD. She still is very well with it, she recognizes people, is able to take care of herself, gets around without any physical limitations and really for the most part is a young 92.
I tend to be the caretaker. I love mom, and want to continue her independence and dignity as long as I can. My DH and I both work 50 hour weeks and I travel occasionally for work and recently discovered that mom had missed her doctor's apptmt (my brother forgot) in June and isn't taking her medications regularly. I took her into the Dr's and also audited her medication and discovered that she hadn't taken her Aricet in 5 mos, her Thyroid or her BP or heart pills on a regular basis. She also has lost 6 lbs in 6 mos. I got her a pill box for the week and am now looking at some home health care to perhaps come in and monitor her meds, make sure that she is eating and to get her out to get some errands done or to go to the beauty palor or get her hair done. I'm also looking at some options to get her to the county senior center where perhaps she can interact with others, play some cards and be the active person she used to be.
I could go on and on, but I'm curious how do you go about interviewing home companions? What do you look for other than obviously a good fit? I contacted her county's senior services and they supplied me with a list, but am not sure how to go about it. Any thoughts? Also I would love to get her out amoungst people but am not sure if she will go to the Adult Day Care Center that the county offers. Money is not really an issue, my dad left my mom very well off and she has good health care and his pension. I want to use it for the purpose my dad intended and make her comfortable while I can. My brother and SIL think ALF is the answer but I'm afraid it will disrupt her routine, familiarity with where things are and of course since they don't offer much assistance other than taking her to church each week, (I suggested this) I will have to continue as I'm doing, researching, reviewing, packing, etc to make that transition. I know that is selfish, but to this point I have been the one to get her legal effects in place, obtain POA and POH. I know she will dig her heels in even on the change of having someone else come out and take care of her, but I can't do all this by myself.
I am in the Detroit area. If I ask my brother to assist or my SIL they are always too busy or mother's place is too far to drive. (we all live in the same area-I'm just 'closer') They are both retired and I still work full time. I am really feeling overwhelmed, and would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.
Thanks in advance, Diva

Your siblings sound like my siblings. Living in the same town as our parents, but too busy to do anything for them. I lived forty miles away, so naturally I'm the one doing the running.

Mom and Dad were placed in July of 2008 and Mom has since passed.

Can you get your mom on meals on wheels? They really helped with my folks. I knew they had food every day and they were quite generous. They also were good about checking up on the condition of the house, what was in the fridge, if the house was too hot or cold... They were great.

Mom had issues with her meds, as well. Home health didn't help because even if they set up the planner, Mom would rearrange the pills or take them all, or none, or whatever she would do that day... It was a crap shoot.

Get with your brother now and set up times where you can take turns helping and checking on her. Be deadly serious about it.

Are one of you her DPOA? Time to get that done, if not. And it should be you, from what you are saying about brother's involvement. That way you can protect her assets from, I don't know, brothers who might start helping themselves to the estate... Not that it would happen, but my sister ran up Dad's credit cards and she was the last person I'd expect to do that.

Hi Chroma, Somekind of senior apt, senior living, assisted living might be the right thing for your mom, although I doubt she will be happy with the idea. Sunrise is an expensive national chain of assisted living with inclusive care as conditions change. If she can afford it and it is reasonably close to your home or work it might be a good fit, lots of different activities, transportation to events, small apartments, medication management etc. the not taking medications properly is a big deal. Missing your thyroid med will make her more confused, and is bad for her heart, not taking bp meds also can strain the heart. a weekly pill holder will help only as long as she can remember what day of the week it is. Peace.

Of more immediate need is a trip to an elder lawyer to make sure that you have a current dpoa, and clear advanced directives, that you have your name on all financial accounts and safe deposit boxes and hippa forms at all of her MD's.

Thanks first for everyone's support and ideas. I struggle with my brother and his wife, since it always seems to wind up in my court with mom. I was in Chicago on business with bronchitis and a MIL with a pace maker and my SIL had the nerve to call and ask me to send my DH out to see if mom was okay, since my SIL "had a broken toe and couldn't do it" and "my brother had had a tough day and didn't want to go out until the weekend." (Both are retired teachers) and I had to call her back on her cell since they were going out to eat after their call. This has been my experience. This is when we discovered that she wasn't taking her meds since when DH got there her feet were swollen and she looked confused. So much for family compassion--but I guess everyone has stories like this.

Since mom currently isn't too bad I'm only looking for a care taker to come in part time perhaps 3 days per week. I'm open to AFL but at the point where I really feel she needs it. Mom is a crusty 'young' senior and has been independent since my dad died over 24 yrs ago and it is just recently that I'm seeing the change. If I was retired or had less work commitment I would do more with her to get her out and amoung others.
My SIL has a woman from church who just recently became available who is older that she knows from a friend. I guess the lady has been doing this for years, is older, comes highly recommended, is honest, and takes her job seriously. I am going to try and interview her since she sounds pretty good. In her past job she would take her companion for trips in the car, look through old photo books, cook, clean, run errands and do apptmts and monitor meds. She has very high recommendations from the daughter that employed her and she even found a replacement if she couldn't come.
My mom is a social person, but she isn't one to go out of her way to make new friends, plus she is only in a stage 1 at this point and recognizes people, is physically able and pays her own bills and runs her house. She does repeat herself and gets confused on new experiences. My goal is to maintain her independence as much and as long as I can. I believe that if we can keep her on her meds she may even improve some. My father provided well for her and her condo is paid off.
I'd also like to get her over to the senior center. I guess my guilt is that I know how independent and proud she has always been, an example try to emmulate, but I know that taking away her license and having someone out to dress her after the accident was a very humbling and painful change. She knows where everything is at her house and does a pretty good job at this level keeping it, plus I know that if we move her--I will have to be the one to set it up, move her, unpack and the list goes on and on without support from my family. If I push back, nothing gets done anyhow.
Right now it is filling in the gaps that I can't do with the demands on my life.
I also received a list of people for hire from the Macomb County Sr Services, but of course they don't background check etc. The toughest thing will get her to allow this person into her life and to get her to go to the center occasionally. She can be pretty stubborn in her old age.
I'm working on this as I can. It sucks that my brother is the pillar and I am always the support in mom's eyes, but I guess I'm setting an example for my daughters when I get to this point.
Any other comments for introducing this caretaker or experiences to make it easier. Like I said, at some point we'll need to look at ALF but in MI it might even be difficult to sell her home right now. Cost really isn't the issue, maintainance of her dignity and health is. Funny too that my bro and SIL think that she's losing it more than what I see when I'm with her--its all in how you handle it.
Thanks again, Diva

When my mom had her car accident I had her will updated, got POA and POH, as well as got added to all of her financial accounts did an audit of her insurance, stocks etc. Can you believe my brother couldn't even make it to any of those meetings. Most of her bills are paid automatically by the bank, although she still reconcils her bills. Its funny how people do what they WANT to do. I moved closer to mom years ago when I divorced when I could see this coming. She financially stable bless my dad.
Amazing they are so active in their church group and church seniors/activities but somehow mom is on the back burner.
The biggest issue I have is trying to find the time to research and get things in place for her. I did contact and receive info on some AFL's--I just haven't had the time in my schedule to really search. Plus, I give the simplest tasks to my SIL and they never get done. It was pulling teeth just to get her to send me the information on the caretaker so I could interview.
Oh well enough rant--but at least I know I'm not alone her.
Thanks again for your thoughts.
Diva

So glad you have found our forum.. Sorry for the reason but we are here because of the same issue.
You have already witnessed the response from all of our caring members. There are many different ways to handle our LO. That makes it a little daunting but Alz is what it is, causing our LO to be someone they were not.
Your mother sounds as if she is still functioning very well, which is great.
The reason ALF comes up so often is the knowledge that this will progress.
At your mothers age and being at stage 1 unless she has a rapid decline you sound like you have a good handle on her. Glad she has you in her corner. If the lady your are talking about using is available you might want to grab her as she will not be on the market long with that resume and referral base.
Best of luck in your decisions and please post and allow us to share in your journey.
With care and prayers,
Sheryl

Actually, Diva, the more independent she is, she may *prefer* an ALF to "people coming into my house like I can't take care of myself."

The idea of ongoing social activities, prepared meals (many really try to mimic a nice restaurant, with music, a soup and salad course, multiple menu choices so residents place an order with a server) with pleasant tablemates, outings to run errands, housekeeping and a nurse right there "just in case" may appeal to her. Many will invite you to come for lunch and would give her an opportunity to see what it is like. Often they will ask questions about your mom ahead of time and seat you with a resident who would be someone she could relate to. ALFs are very different from nursing homes; a nursing home would probably not even accept your mother at this stage, since she does not need that level of care.

If you have decided home is the better option, I would strongly encourage you to still check out the ALFs in your area. Those of us with parents further along this journey know that the situation can change literally overnight. I looked ahead -- when Mom was still living at home with my dad and a caregiver, I researched ALFs. I even put her name on the waiting list, secured with a $500 check they stuck in the safe and didn't even cash. Every time there was a female opening, they would call. I would check with Dad, and on the second opening, he said "Yeah, I think it is time." She moved in three days later.

Once she was in the ALF, I researched nursing homes and again, put her name on the list. When she reached that point, we had less than a week to move her -- no way I could have found the right place in that time. The one thing I did not research before I needed it was Hospice, but fortunately the agency we are using on the ALF's recommendation has been excellent.

By making the choice of where ahead of time, all I had to worry about was when. It relieved a great deal of stress.

And above all -- welcome to the message boards. I am so glad you found us here. As you can see already, this is a community full of supportive folks eager to share their experiences. Please come back often!

quote:

Originally posted by Chromediva:
Thanks first for everyone's support and ideas. I struggle with my brother and his wife, since it always seems to wind up in my court with mom. Diva

Unfortunately, Diva, you are now a member of two clubs which nobody wants to belong to! Many of us have the same issues with siblings, and it has taken me almost five years to let go of the anger and frustration I've felt abouth them not helping or even visiting her. At least they don't interfere with my decisions.

As far as mom's care is concerned, I now consider myself an "only child". Of course, when she passes (which will be many years from now as she is healthy except for the AD) and her estate is being settled, the sibs will be there in full force!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Carolina Songbird:
Actually, Diva, the more independent she is, she may *prefer* an ALF to "people coming into my house like I can't take care of myself."

Thank you for the kind and honest words. I have quite a few AFL brochures that I've picked up along the way and would love and think that she would do go in one, my bro and SIL had visited one that they liked when they dropped off a woman from church. I asked them to check further into it and begged my SIL not to call it a NH since most senior confuse the difference. When they brought it up and even asked to take her for a visit she broke into tears. I just don't believe that she is QUITE ready for it yet and perhaps I'm not ready either. She likes to do things for herself and has been amazing after the death of my dad some 20 some years ago. I just don't know if being out of the familiar and secure environment would help or hinder at this point.
Financially I am set up as a signer, our atty who is a friend even had us file paperwork for a quick claim deed in case we needed to sell her house during all of this. If I am a bit overwhelmed, I know she will definitely be--but I'll take your advise and be proactive (something I usually do anyhow in business and life) since I know what may happen quickly.
Ironically in closing, I count my blessings that mom has been so healthy, alert and independent for all these years and that it is only recently that we are seeing the decline. That in itself is a blessing, since even my doctor says he sees srs who are much younger and who are not as quick as she.
Thanks again. I'm so glad that at least I'm here and have someone to vent to.
Diva