I am so grateful for these boards I have learned so much! I am currently caring for both of my grandparents long distance. One is 81 and the other 88 both in stage 5 progessing to stage 6. I am their sole caregiver and POA. I travel to montior their care. I have home aids and meal on wheels and a geriatric care manager all in place for support. We just did a reverse mortgage to handle the expense of them staying in their home, which I honestly believe that in less than a year they'll have to go to a NH. My quandry is I need reliable transportation to go back and forth the 400 miles that it takes for me to do this. Can I use the money from the Reverse to do this justifiably? Has anyone else written off their expenses this way? Prior to the reverse I was being drained financially and I want to do EVERYTHING above board.

Any advice would be helpful.
Thank you!

Your best bet is to contact an elder attorney. Are you thinking of buying a new car or were you talking more about buying bus tickets?

quote:

Originally posted by jellybeans:
Your best bet is to contact an elder attorney. Are you thinking of buying a new car or were you talking more about buying bus tickets?

I was thinking along the lines of a new car. This would be to date the only expense created in my name.

The entire cost of a new car seems tough to justify, because so much of the use would not benefit them. But no one's looking over your shoulder, so the real question is whether YOU feel it's an appropriate use of their money and will primarily benefit them.

And if you are having to rent a car right now to visit them, because yours can't make the trip, that argues in favor of having some of their funds at least partially subsidize a new vehicle.

Another idea: a mileage reimbursement seems totally appropriate and would cover gas + wear/tear and insurance.

Reimbursement for plane or bus tickets also seems appropriate.

When I had to travel to oversee my mom's care, I reimbursed myself from her account for the out-of-pocket travel costs I incurred. I'm her guardian and her lawyer felt that was totally appropriate.

How often are you travelling to help them? Weekly or more?
If you're seeing them so often that a car would be less expensive than a bus ticket every week or more, than maybe it's a good idea. If not, then I think I'd probably stick with a bus or train because this car will last for 7 years or so and you'll be using it for many other things than to help your Grandparents.
I also like Grassflower's idea about using however much it would cost to rent a car or buy a bus ticket towards the car payment every month as long as you are driving to see them with you making up the difference in cost.
If they need to apply for Medicaid to cover the cost of a NH soon, and you said it is likely needed in the next year, you could run into problems with them getting Medicaid. Again, a lawyer is probably a good idea, but since a nursing home seems likely to be in their near future, you could run into trouble with the look back period for Medicaid and I think that's five years. From what you posted, since they are needing to use the reverse mortgage now to pay for in-home care, they'll run out of money before five years and they'll need that Medicaid.

Thank you so much Grassflower and Jellybeans for taking the time to share your thoughts and advice. I often feel so alone with this and I'm still working through it all. I will be seeing a lawyer this week and have a very long list of what to do and what not to do questions. The one thing I don't understand is the spend down for ALF or NH. My grandparents will more than likely go to and ALF first to spend what they have and then have Medicade kick in.....They're at home now with aides and that really is a band aid on a gun shot wound!

If they don't really need skilled nursing care, you might want to look into what's called a residential care home or board-and-care home that specializes in Alz or dementia in general. You can get a list of licensed long-term care facilities of all kinds on the website of your state Dept of Aging.

These are usually converted private homes that house 6 - 10 residents plus 24/7 caregivers. The ratio is usually better than a regular dementia-care ALF and the setting is much, MUCH more home-like, calmer and less chaotic. And the food is usually better. These places are also usually cheaper than the larger dementia-care ALFs (less administrative overhead).

My mom started out in a large dementia-care ALF, now is in a group care home and it is a huge improvement. Her original facility wasn't awful - but the nature of a dementia-care ALF just tends to be pretty chaotic. She is much much happier now.

You definitely won't want to place them in a regular ALF. They won't know how to work well with people who have dementia. Lots of folks here have learned that the hard way, unfortunately.

Wow, Thank you Grassflower. That is great information and I will do a search in their area. Do you also have information regarding "spending down"? I'm just learning about this and I am seeing that there are just as many gray areas as there are black and white.

Were either of your grandparents veterans, if so they may qualify for benefits.
Spend Down... I don't know how much you are talking about...and I don't need to know. But I would and pre-pay for all funeral costs. The money is put into an irrevocable trust, which means that the government cannot take it.
Pay for the funeral home, funeral service, caskets, and cemetary plots. Or for cremation services.

Welcome to this website.
Aren't these people just the best support you have found. When you are in the middle of an issue there is always someone here that has been there before.
Please come often and let us help you as you travel this awful disease.
come to the chat room in the evening to end your day with people that come to share, cry, laugh and just generally get ready to do it again tomorrow.
Sheryl

Yes Sheryl
I am so glad that I wandered on to the boards one day The people and the wisdom, advice and love shared here is so healing especially dealing with this disease. I really appreciate this space alot!