My question is mom is starting day care on thursday morning. I will be dropping her off for 10 am and will stay till 1. i have told her that she is going to a senior center but I am not sure if that will work I am hoping it will. Any thoughts. Also we have to pay 30.00 per time we go and if we right a check she will want to know what is it for?

my other concern is when there are things she dosen't want to do she stays up worring about them all night then is in such a bad mood the next morning or will pull oh i don't feel feel good . Any thoughts on what and when to tell her. Or i will get well you didn't tell me.

help.

Maryanne

I told my husband it was a senior center with activities for him to do. He is in his second year and loves it

Give it all a positive twist, Maryanne. It's an activity center. A center for good activities. It's a place to have fun. And to socialize. --Jim

Told tell her ahead of time. My mother only tells my father the mother he is going. That way he doesn't worry about it. He never wants to go. She just ignores him, gets him ready, and drops him off.

If they will let you, pay when you pick her up instead of drop her off. That way she won't see you pay. Maybe the next time you could pay for two sessons so you are one ahead, and they won't mind you paying that way. Or stick it in an envelope and hand it to the person who meets you at the door.

My mother tells Dad he is going to the memory center. The doctor told him he needed to go, and she uses this as her reason.

Some people say it is a club. Some say it is a place where the person is going to be a volunteer. Whatever works. Just try to ignore the negative feelings. It is like a kid starting preschool that doesn't want to go. Once you leave, they are fine ( at least from what I have seen).

Good luck.

I told my Mom it was a "Senior Social Club",,and I had spoke to the director privately to send the bill in a plain envelope in "MY Name" to the house.

At first mom absolutely hated going,,said everyone was old and goofy! But I made her go,,and now she loves it. The ADC she goes to is excellent with activities,,games,,dancing,,all kinds of fun stuff...and the staff is wonderful and treats all of the "guest" with alot of respect and dignity.

So be prepared for some flack about it from your MOm,,but continue to make her go,,and she will adjust,,it just takes a bit of time. Ask the staff if they could please be sure to give her a bit of TLC til she becomes accustomed and accepting of having to be there.

Good luck,,and keep us posted. Peace

ADC is a very good thing--the socialization and activities are good for your mom and the respite is good for you.

My MIL has been attending ADC for about 18 months. I wish we had done it earlier! We started by telling her that it was a volunteer opportunity at a senior center. She was really angry, cried, tried to run away. But we stood firm--in a loving and calm way--and she went. Now she loves it there.

She still pre-worries and obsesses about going and moans and whines when the morning comes--but I just treat her like a reluctant toddler. Smile and say "come on Mom, lets go!"

What we did about the checkbook question was to keep a separate check register--and write the check ahead of time and give it to ADC when MIL was not around. She really was unable to decipher her checking statement anyway so it turned out to be no big deal.

I can't sing enough praises for our ADC--its so wonderful that I wish I could attend!

Raven I got a kick out of your mother saying everyone was old and goofy. My MIL says she has nothing in common with the old people in her ALF. Emphasis on the word old. She's 92. Of course she thinks shes much younger. No concept of her own age any more.

I plan to visit at day care center next week so I was really pleased to see the posts here. I think this will be very good for mom, and for me. She is I think pretty close to stage 6 so I am hoping it will help her to make some new friends. She loves to help others so maybe she will find someone she can wait on a little and feel usful.

I think most do not like it at first. When Mom started going she was like taking a child to the first week of kindergarten. LOL She hated it. Said she did not want to go. I just fibbed a little and told her that they called to confirm the day before and she said yes so she needed to go because they were expecting her. Then, after this time if she did not like it she did not have to go. I knew she would forget the later LOL Anyway we started in March with 2 days a week. Now she is going 4 days a week and actually enjoys it. No more fusing about getting up. She is usually up before I go wake her. Now…if I can just get her to not dig to the back of her closet to get winter clothing out LOL It will be over 100 this week. Despite setting her clothing out each evening (and after she tries them on 3 times to make sure they are hers and they fit) she still seems to think she needs a sweater and long pants. Go figure.
The day care is a true blessing for ALL of us. Once it becomes a routine they actually like it.
Also, I did find it easier in the beginning NOT to tell her until THAT morning. Otherwise she too would stress about it all night.