i never thought i would have to come to this. but starting today, even though i will have to see my mother this evening bc she needs the car, she has to go to the dr,she has missed 2 appts. and shes hiv+... but i made the decision last night, to try to do my best to close all communication between us. This is really going to be hard, but i called both of my sisters last night and told them they HAVE to do something w/ her. She can not live up here near me anymore. she wears me down emotionally. She said shes getting the short end of the stick. I asked "what stick do you want mom?" She's upset bc i divided my nannys property and left 1 acre and a singlewide for my mother to live in, which is rent free and tax free. Shes so worried about not getting anything w/ nanny dies? i asked her what stick us kids are going to get when she dies?? nothing. my mom doesn't have anything to give us and that is perfectly fine. I DON'T CARE. She told me i will see in time and I will regret having sold nannys property and it wont be because of something shes done. My husband is in Scotland until this sat. i will be so glad when hes home. i think thats another reason my mom is starting things bc hes gone and he's my rock and she knows it. My sister called her this morning to see what the problem was and my mom told her its was between me and her.. none of my sisters business....my mom will not argue w/ my sisters about me. Mom just sent me an instant message. she said she "expects me to fulfill my word to her". What I told her was i would see if nanny would consider signing the acre over to my mom. I can't make my nanny do it and I can't do it w/ my poa bcs its not in nannys best interest. Thanks to ALLLL of you who listens about my mother. I really would be crazy if i couldn't vent here......

Yep, cut the cord ... we'll be here to support you. Its sooo necessary right now - you just don't need the poison. Hang in there, stay tuff!!
Marie

Keeping your distance from her is something that I think you should do. No excuse changes how unpleasant she is to deal with, but her HIV may be affecting her mind. There is a dementia associated with HIV. Peace. Have you heard of the CZars prayer : May G d bless and keep the czar, far away from me.

Being respectful to one's position as the parent does not require that we accept emotional blackmail/abuse. You must take care of you, and that involves emotional distance, even if physical distance is not possible, than you do what you must. Hopefully the sisters will step up and help your mom. There are services available for her since she is HIV+. She needs to avail herself of those services.

If it were not for you, it sounds as though your mother would be living on the streets. She should be grateful to have had someone to take care of things for her. You don't need this kind of drama in your life. You also don't need to sign any property over to her, as it sounds as though she would just lose it anyway.

I'm sorry you are having to go through all this with your own mother, but I believe that you are doing the right thing by cutting her loose for a while.

Tiffany, You have to think of you first, as without your health being good, who would take care of Mom? Gosh doesn't sound like sisters and truly Mom can't herself. You do not need the pain and negative thinking from Mom now. Take a break and get yourself back to positive thinking and then if you feel good, step in to help with Mom....or at least check on her.

Family can be one of the most difficult avenues we tread each day. They know how to sway us, as she does without your hubbie around. My mom is exact same way, knows how to push my buttons and stab me with her knife. I've learned to stay away to gain my strength and have my hubbie do the dirty work for her.

I've found many of these elder women do listen better to men....part of their time in life where men ruled. Now she can walk over me, but when my hubbie and brother speak, she'll listen and do what they suggest. Not that she doesn't bark and complain with them, but in end do what they tell her.

Best to you and take a break from the negativity and get your life back in order. You deserve a good quality of life!!!

Best to you~

tiffany, go ahead and limit contact; it's the right thing to do for your emotional and physical well-being. Also, please think long and hard before signing over that 1 acre parcel to your mother. Clearly, your grandmother lacks the cognitive ability to make a reasoned decision about that (and note that she never deeded an acre to her daughter while she was fully cognitively intact); and, you have a sound basis for believing that to do so is not in your grandmother's best interests so you don't want to use your POA to do it. Only you know your mother's track record on risky behavior, but in her condition, I'd worry that she might think it's a great idea to sell the land for cash, then blow through it and come cry on your doorstep that she's homeless (like the joke about the child who killed his parents and then seeks sympathy because she's an orphan!). If you want to put distance between her and you, fine; but don't then do something that increases the risk that she'll become more of a burden than she already is. In fact, I'd be thinking about who the land is destined for in your grandmother's will (assuming she has one). If she's left it to your mother, I'd think about using the POA to do something that is essentially the same result as the will. You could transfer ownership of the property to yourself and your sister(s?) but reserve a life estate in the land to your mother (as long as she elects to actually live there). That way, mother always has a plot of land to put her trailer on and, assuming she outlives her mother, she won't be able to actually take title to the land as long as she lives, sell it and blow the cash. Just my 2 cents. You have a good head on your shoulders and the best of intentions; I'm sure you'll figure it out. Beth in SC

I have had to distance myself emotionally, as well. I'm working on distancing myself physically. The emotional toll of this disease is hard enough without all the family bickering that goes on.

Take care of yourself. You know what is best for you. Best Wishes.

Stand strong in your decision,,which by the way,,,I applaud you for "Finally" taking charge and doing what you need to do.

As for Grama and her property,,tell your Mom either take it or leave it,,either way its no skin off of your teeth.

Yup,,let the sisters deal with Mom,,,you've done the best you can,,and when you can't do anymore,,time to move on.

Just tell your Mom that the only thing you'll do for her now is get her a one way ticket back to whatever sister wants to deal with her and all of her crap.

Then keep your panty hose pulled up tight,,cause once the sisters get her back,,they're going to be calling you and boo whooing about having her come back to you and live at the trailer with the acre,,so tell them hell no,,,the trailer is rented and you have no desire to live in anymore hell with your Mom.

Be strong,,I'm glad that you're doing what your'e doing. Take back your life,,and I know you will be "thrilled " when your hubby gets back from Scotland. Keep us posted on things. Hugs & Peace

I agree Tiffany...you need to do this for your own mental health..the energy her constant negativity must drain from you..you need that energy for nanny...god bless you girl..please keep us posted...I will pray that your mom will get a clue!

kim

Dear Tiffany,

Happy anniversary! I see you've been on the forum one year today.

So sorry you're having to go through this with your mom. I think you've made a good-faith decision based on your history and for the good of you and your mom (though she may not realize it). Stick to your guns.

We'll always be here for you!

thanks everyone! and yes raven im going to keep my pantyhouse pulled tight!!! My husband will be back SATURDAY!!!! YAY.......i didn't realize i had been on here a year. i find myself telling people, "i was on the alz. forum, and......."

my sister called me this morning and she said she was looking for a place in brunswick for my mom, and I told her NO, she has to go to Jacksonville. Brunswick is close enough that she would still be calling me for things, if shes in jacksonville then she can call on the other 2 siblings thats down there. Funny thing when i went to pick mom up last night she never said a word about the land. If we can get her moved, it will be sold to the people who bought the house.

Thanks again for all the support. its funny how I have to go to strangers for support when it should be my own mother supporting me.....