For weeks I have taken the time to post here and I can't seem to organize my thoughts. I have even posted and hit the button (I thought) and the whole thing disappears. I feel like I am in some kind of vortex and can't even reach out for help. This is another try....

I guess I can't organize my thoughts because I have soooo much I need to do but it is all connected. I can't seem to write a list because everything is contingent on something else.

In Feb my mom was really sick with URI. Huge decline, became mostly incontinent, got a wheelchair, started really having trouble walking and more confused than ever. It took a while to get over and I though she was coming back a bit, still sounded congested and coughing a bit but everyone had trouble shaking these things this year so I was not alarmed. She was found a few times on the floor next to the bed--I always considered these to be "slipping" to the floor as she seemed to be having trouble getting her whole butt on the bed and would slip off. Of course I was concerned but someone cant be with her every second to guide her butt--she was mostly staying in her room but did use the bathroom although was wearing depends for accidents, not getting there in time. She adjusted to these fine (surprise).

Unknown to me the facility (ass.living for alz.) had faxed the dr about the "falls" and he decided to take her off the risperdal and her high blood pressure meds. She was taken off cold turkey and I was NOT notified. I started noticing bizarre things like she was always saying someone was going to get her and she was doing this bizarre whispering things like she had two personalities and they were talking to each other. After a few days of this escalating and finding her very agitated and practically hyperventilating I went to the nurses station so see if there was anything they could suggest to calm her. "Well we thought she was doing better since she has been off the risperdal and lisinopril"---I was like HUH?---she had been so much better (calm wise) on the risperdal I was shocked they took her off. I demanded that they call her dr. and have her put back on at least the risperdal. She was and returned to being mostly calm. Later I found out the risperdal causes the shaking and unbalance walking and until then had no idea. In fact the nurse said she was taken off the med because it caused URI's. She had no trouble with URI's until this February and had been on it 2 years at that point to I did not get that.

She started falling a few times a week, this time not because of slipping--just in the middle of the hall. She started wandering into other rooms and being very weepy all the time. I had her checked for UTI and made an appt with dr. idiot. We cut out the risperdal gradually and her walking improved a little but the anxiety and fears of everything gradually returned. We asked the dr for something to help (we had discussed seroquel at the appt.). AFter 10 DAYS of calling faxing and begging the dr. sent an order for paxil. Not what we wanted. She is already on celexa and trazadone. The DON asked for a small amount of risperdal so back on the risperdal she goes. Out of nowhere comes an order for an increase on the risperdal 4x what she was taking. I found this out later.

So meeting at the facility.At this poing she is a fall risk, needs 24/7 one to one care or transfer to another facility.

I write out a check for 4000. for one to one care for a week with me covering nights and my days off. Looking for another facility--very disappointed with what I have seen so far. I work full time and have to sit with mom when off and have little time. I took a day off from work today and we are closed this weekend but I have to go in because I am the office mgr and I am behind.

I went to her dr.alone to discuss her meds on Tues. --I don't feel very good about outcome. Off risperdal and on to lamictal. In the meantime I am still looking for NH but truthfully she just needs more attention, not medical attention just someone to reassure her and cue and direct her and keep her in her wheelchair. I know they can do a little more as far as restraints in a NH but they are so yucky compared to where she is not and no one can be with her every second ( I can't keep paying someone).

I feel so overwhelmed and she is unhappy, I am unhappy. I am tired and defeated and want this to be over. I am driving to her hometown 90 miles away to look at the nursing home there. That is where my sister is and my brother will be closer, I cant stand the thought of not seeing her everyday but I do know I need a break. I don't really want to move her but she had such a horrible day yesterday and I was so frustrated with her I just don't know what to do.

Lostnow,

I'm so sorry that you are getting slammed with so much stress at once. I know from experience how stress induces problems with concentration. Also, making lists is sometimes very hard for me too, because just as you said, there are those times where everything seems contingent on something else.

Anyway, I just want to say my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there.

Hello Lostnow - Me too - I'm very sorry about the stress you're under. You're doing a great job staying on top of her med.'s. Hang in there - the squeaky wheel DOES get greased. Eventually, they'll get the med's worked out. I go through much the same thing with my Mom and she's in a pretty darn nice NH/Alz wing. Seems like there's a better answer than Risperdal. She was on Serquel too for awhile. So many med's - so hard to get the right balance. My Mom's been in a wheel chair since 4 months after she was admitted. She has PT but is just so shaky and weak that walking isn't really an option any more. Breaks your heart. I was thinking it was a progression of the disease but I really think it's a combo of both med's and disease. I've seen her face when she was trying to remember HOW to get up so it's not just the med's always.
I wish you much success in finding a place which will offer more care and a break too for yourself. Distance can improve your view -
Take care -

I really feel for you. The stress is definitely a concentration-buster. I've experienced that, too.

I think you have done so much in getting everything in order. I just think you're not getting any real help from anyone.

If you can find a good home for your mother close to your sister and brother, that would be good for you. Even though you won't be able to see her everyday, the time you do see her will be better for you, you'll have an opportunity to rest and catch up with yourself.

I don't know much about Board and Care Homes, but maybe that would be a better alternative for your mother, smaller and maybe more individual attention?

I hope a postive breakthrough happens for the both of you, soon.

My brain went side-ways after I started with dad's care. It's really nuts. You're not alone. When you take over someone's life, it consumes you. We need time for ourselves but it's hard to justify it sometimes.

Know the feeling.I thought I was going nuts or had Alzheimer's myself. I went somewhere and got lost I think it is all the stress and all the things building up. A person can only take so much. I feel bad for you for all you have had to go through and I hope you find a good place for your mom soon. Even if she is not close she will be close in your heart and you can talk to her everyday. You need a break and if brother and sister are willing to help out then take advantage of it.

I am so sorry to hear about your stress. I am new to this board but not to helping someone else live their lives comfortably. I am not in the stage you are in but, the stress is with me as well. My heart breaks for you. I feel for you. I know the things you overlook, the extra time used up, the never ending lists in your head, the fear, the confusion, the exhaustion. There are people out here that care.

Mom is not doing so well on this new lamictil. I know it is early yet but I am worried and I am losing patience with her daily. That makes me feel so bad but I just am in such dire need to take a break and at the same time this is kind of a critical time I hate for her to be so scared and she looks for me.

She is difficult to manuver and get to sit in a chair because she starts sitting before we are in the right place--she is too heavy for me and I get mad that she can't take one more step to get to the right place. Also she is constantly saying she is wet and needs to go to the bathroom and she is dry and if I take her she won't sit long enough to go. After about 4 trips she finally goes in her depends when she is back at the bed and then I have to change everything (the facility is supposed to.)

And another thing is ever since we have been doing the one-to one care the staff at the facility is rarely around, I am the one doing everything. I ring the bell but no one comes in time to help me with anything. If I just sit and wait I feel like they must think I am a lazy ass.