I am sure some of you have gotten to this point. Mom will not answer a simple question. I ask her if she is ready for breakfast - her reply goes something like this - "I don't know if she is going or not".

I am guessing this is yet another stage? I also guess I should just keep asking her and go ahead with whatever it is she needs to do?

This part is sad and frustrating. Guess if I do something she doesn't mean or want she will let me know. Hopefully she won't get nasty about it!

I have noticed that my mother has a difficult time making choices and decisions. Having more than one option to give as an answer confuses her, she seems to get lost in the process of deciding. Perhaps you could simply say "It is time for breakfast" and eliminate the need for her to process the question and then formulate an appropriate answer.

Happymom-

My mother is also having a hard time with questions. Sometimes she just answers "what am I supposed to say?"

Decisions are also hard, so I try to limit her choices. I don't ask "what do you want for dinner," but "do you want a hamburger or chicken?" Recently even two choices can be overwhelming.

I agree with Gidget that sometimes (eventually all the time, I imagine), the kindest thing is to "eliminate the need to process" the question by simply stating what's going to happen.

Dear happy mom,

My mom is on the same page as your mom and Lucy's mom. The other day when I was visiting mom she just got out of the shower and she was looking in odd places for under garments and she is easily distracted. she even said to me, "I don't know what I am doing?" I picked out an outfit for her to wear & helped her w/ her dentures. I found them in her dresser drawer. I combed her hair and put lotion on her arms, hands, legs & feet. She loved that!

It really saddens me to see my mom needing so much help. However, I am so grateful for this time. I try not to let my emotions show in front of her because she is very sensitive. I kinda joke around with her or I'll say something like, "Oh, here is your--teeth [shoes, etc] even though I just said 3 minutes ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on a highwire around her. I'm learning how to go with the flow. [It's really hard sometimes].

Peace be with you,
Marcie

happymomof2

good morning..

for me..my experience with my husbands mom..somedays were diamonds..some days were stone..a song by john denver i love..but this was margies behavior..so what worked for me..from the very beginning..was we had a rountine..

and I was always the life of the party..sort of speak..my energy..my touch and smile...and conversation..helped her..feeling..of well being..and on the days..words were hard for her..I did most of the talking..and stimulated her in ways to..help her..a bit more on those days..

and some days i had tears in my eyes...all day long..for her..as she was dancing as fast as she could..but..struggled for the words she wanted to say..so..a smile and a touch..helped me..help her...

and because i knew her so well.. 43 yrs.is...a long time..I kinda knew what...it was she was trying to say..but we communicated well even on those days..emotionally..take care..love Rosie

I think GidgetP has it right. Try to limit the choosing to times when it's truly necessary and just tell your mom when it's time to eat (or go to the Dr, or go shopping, or go to bed... etc)

Eventually a dementia patient may develop a difficulty in putting coherent sentences together as well as have difficulty understanding what's said to them. It sounds as though this may be happening to your mom. She may understand you and is trying to answer correctly and can't... or it's possible that she doesn't understand what you are asking and thinks she has the right answer to your question. Or both. I never figured it out, but dad's had this aphasia for several years now, and my stepmom is "there" most of the time these days, too. :/

I just bought and read a great book called, Talking to Alzheimer's. It gives wonderful insight to answering such questions, and actually teaching you to not ask open ended questions. It's well worth the read.

You get so you can read their minds. I found that very fulfilling. A little akin to a spiritual conversation. Maybe that's the way it's done in the spirit world. One universal language. By thought transference. Just by thinking it. It's the language of god. One must use it to speak to god. --Jim

I did what Lucy reccommended and it worked well for a while. I would ask: beef, chicken, or fish. Then I would cook based on her answer. Then I started to watch what she left on her plate and adjusted accordingly. Plus I know all of her favorites, so when I stuck to those she was fine. In general you should (as someone previously advised) just tell rather than ask. It removes the stress from your LO.

Charlie is doing well but has problems when faced with multiple choices. As others have mentioned a simple either or choice allows him to feel that he has control in his life.

Instead of asking Charlie when he wants to eat...I make a remark like...I am starving and happy the meal will be ready in about 15 or 20 minutes. Then try to find something that he can do to help (setting the table or filling water glasses). That way he feels that he has made a contribution.

Cherie:

Seems to me you are stimulating Charlie's mind and your mind -- all at the same time. Sounds to me like a win-win situation. A double positive. --Jim