Those of you who have seen the posts about MILs move know all about how she moved here, but a short(I'll try ;-D) recap for this thread....

We built a large house with MIL and FILs bedroom, Japanese tatami room, a barrier-free railed bathroom on the first floor along with the living room, dining room and kitchen. Our bedrooms and family room were on the second floor to be sure that we didn't bother them with late-night TV etc.

They decided they were doing too well to come, the years went by and FIL got AD and went into a facility, passed away, a year or so went by and we saw AD symptoms in MIL....she refused to come, we got her in-home help. 11 years went by in total, our son was off to Tokyo to college and after year 10, DH started hating living there, as the dream of living with his Dad never was realized.

We moved three years ago, to a house two blocks up the street because we love the neighborhood. One month later, after I cleaned the other house to sell it 'I think I will move to Kobe after all'(!!!) We figured it's better than her living alone, so she moved in to the other house...but now she's in a facility.

DH just decided to sell the house. We are paying two mortgages, the property taxes and a neighborhood association fee for two houses. She comes home to our house for a week at a time a few times a year, she absolutely cannot be at home alone. She does not live there, but all her furniture,clothes, dishes etc are there. We're completely furnished, none of her couches, bed (we have twin beds in the spare bedroom) or anything else but her clothes and decorative items will fit here. She goes there and gets clothes and things from that house but has not stayed there in almost 2 years. It's a lot of money to have it sitting unlived in, and I'm doing the cleaning, weeding etc for both houses.

But.....is it too early? I just quail at the thought of more conflict and agitation-inducing episodes. I'm about worn out after 3 years of AD-induced belligerence on top of 15 years or so of nastiness caused by her having chronic pain problems that she took out on everyone else. The last time she came, she asked me 'By the way, what did you do with that other house you had?' She didn't remember she had moved here. I took her there for a few hours to get clothes, and when I said 'Okay, we're done, let's go' she asked 'Where?' She had no recollection of having gone from our house to hers. Eventually she won't be able to come home for visits as we see now that she can't be out of the facility for more than 2-3 days without starting to get agitated and she sundowns something fierce.

Sorry this turned into a book. I dread emptying the house, she had 125 moving boxes (oh the hoarded junk she brought....). Above dreading emptying it is waiting for the other shoe to drop, having her come home for a visit in say, January and asking to go to the other house. It just makes me feel queasy.

Any and all opinions welcome!

Wow... tough position you guys are in!

Financially, it's a disaster - especially in today's Real Estate economy. If "Mom" isn't staying in the house, it's basically being used as a storage facility for her belongings. I would think that a "regular" storage unit would be better than an actual house - if you want to think of it that way.

I would also make the suggestion that if her house is in good shape, why not rent it out as a furnished home?

Regardless of what happens to the house, I would also start looking into Power of Attorney, as it sounds like she will soon be unable to make important decisions - such as what to do with her Real Estate. That will at least give you (or whomever takes over her "Powers") the options of managing her assets for her best interest.

Unfortunately, as much as we are emotionally attached to our affected loved ones, there are still some "business" decisions that must be made, and NEED to be made with as little emotional interference as possible.

Besides, think of the extra money she could benefit from, if the house was sold! Talk about a GREAT care facility to move in to! Plus, you're going to start running into other needs as well - medications, depends, etc., so having that kind of money tucked away would be a REAL god-send. Then there's also the question of her passing and what will happen to her assets.... I could go on, but I think it sounds like the time to get that Power of Attorney, and talk things over with the rest of the family about the property.

Hope this helps - at least to open a few doors/ideas. Keep us posted!

Chris

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Regardless of what happens to the house, I would also start looking into Power of Attorney, as it sounds like she will soon be unable to make important decisions - such as what to do with her Real Estate

Actually we own both houses. We didn't sign the house over to her, because we'd end up inheriting the house we built ourselves. What we did was have the deed to the old house in DH's name, and the house we're in now is in my name. I'm sorry to have written in a confusing manner. When I said 'her house' I just meant that she was living there.

It won't sell for as much as we built it for, but we won't do too badly. It was built in '96 which wasn't a peak time here. We paid all her utilities, water , gas , the works, we hired the gardeners and general upkeep, she hasn't had to pay anything. Her money is there for her care. It would be good to get out from under the mortgage though. It isn't easy paying for two houses.

I just dread the blow-up when she finds it's been sold. I hope she doesn't remember.

You know what's freaky? There's no POA here, they just let family settle things themselves. Totally nutty. As it is I have to have her sign papers etc whenever she needs banking done, how much easier it would be to have POA, I wouldn't have to explain every bank transaction etc 50 times and then have to coax her to sign. ARGH!

The idea of telling her that she'll have more money is a good one. She does not realize we're paying everything, she thinks she's doing it herself. Good angle to work from, thank you!

I just put dad's house on the market. It may take years to rally the market and I am DONE with the drama associated with it! And it's only begun since my brother wants it and I am Trustee and I want it sold, and not sure he can qualify. Just get it sold. Out of my life. Not worth the heartache it has caused us. It took us almost a year to clear it out and restore it to rental status, which it has been now for 6 months, but that, too, is WORK. I am done. I will pray the house sells.

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Originally posted by sayitisntso:
I just put dad's house on the market. It may take years to rally the market and I am DONE with the drama associated with it! And it's only begun since my brother wants it and I am Trustee and I want it sold, and not sure he can qualify. Just get it sold. Out of my life. Not worth the heartache it has caused us. It took us almost a year to clear it out and restore it to rental status, which it has been now for 6 months, but that, too, is WORK. I am done. I will pray the house sells.

Selling my mother's place too. Too much work to upkeep two places and the thought of renting it out and being a landlord - no thank you. Although we will not get the same price as we would have a few years ago, and we might get more if we wait a couple of years - no thank you, need to dump it.

If you (Crella) don't mind taking care of two places, then so be it. If it's becoming a hassle, then sell it. If you really believe that she won't ever be living there - dump it and don't tell her.

I'm still waiting to sell my moms house. I moved her in with us in May. I have never taken her back to her house. She only lived 3 minutes from me. I got lucky, The week we decided to move my in with us, was the same week my son's lease was up and he wanted to come home. Problem solved, he moved in to her house and is watching over things for me until the market gets a little better. I'm lucky, her house payment is only $208.00 a month. She has a living trust. Maybe you can rent it out. Make a little extra money. Just a thought. My mom still thinks home is in PA. She has lived in Calif. for over 50 yrs.

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If it's becoming a hassle, then sell it.

Oh it is....I'm sick of doing it all. I've always cleaned her house, the one she owned and lived in an hour from here, because she had no interest in housework and FIL was getting up there. Now I'm still taking care of the house we moved out of three years ago when we planned to sell it then, it's just kind of depressing. Maybe it is best to let it go. DH is action-oriented, he already spoke to a real estate agent he knows when he happened to run into him. He came home and told me and I got all on edge, thinking about the implications and possible repercussions.

Thank you all for your input, it is time the house went. I think I just had to talk about it.