Can anyone offer advice on my radical idea? My step dad should not be driving any longer. He gets Very agitated if he cant find the keys and is smart enough to call a lock smith if we take away the keys.

The family is considering staging a "stolen auto" incident with police department ok. We feel it is the best solution. Any thoughts about this or ideas that might work would be greatly appreciated!!

Debbie, We're facing similar problems with my father-in-law, but I don't think a fake car stealing is the answer, at least in our case. FIL would want to collect the insurance, so a story would have to be made up about that. Then he would want one of us to take him to get another car or he would call a taxi to take him to a dealership. We have considered turning him in to the department of motor vehicles so that he would have to be retested for a driver's license, but FIL would drive without one if they took it away. Good luck and I'll keep reading to see what your solution is.

Well that or disable the car in some way that he wouldn't know how to fix it, then get it "towed" away and then after that, every time he asks about it you can say it's still in the shop. Then you could say it's going to cost too much to fix, etc, etc, etc. Yes, unfortunately, creative lying is sometimes all that works.

If he's unfit to drive, can't you get his license revoked? --Jim

Welcome Deb,
The only EFFECTIVE way to stop one from driving, is to REMOVE ACCESS TO THE VEHICLE.

Personally, I do not agree with putting the LO in the situation of being denied a license, or failing a driving test, and having the license revoked. To me, that screams FAILURE! In these situations, I feel it is best to have the Doctor give the no driving status. If the LO has AD, they should NOT be driving, same as if they had seizures.

In our situation, Hubby first disabled the car. When MIL kept opening the garage door, and trying to start it-and constantly calling Hubby to fix the car-he disabled the electric garage door. BTW, her keys were removed when we disabled the door. When she came to live with us, the car remained at her house. After about a year, Hubby purchased her car for "The Big One", and she never recognized it in our driveway.

We renewed her license by mail, since we were guaranteeing she would not drive, but her license was important to her. She was tickled when it arrived. She always believes she will "someday" go home to get her car, no longer with frustration, but matter-of-fact. As I have stated before, though, my MIL was somewhat easy to "hoodwink".

We also had a letter from her Doc, stating that she could not drive but, she would pay no attention to that! You could also have the Doc state that medications need to be gotten used to?? Something along those lines.

Members HAVE "stolen" the car by selling it, thus producing an"insurance settlement". Some have done as Summerskies suggests and had the vehicle in eternal "fix" mode.

Please keep us posted!

Cut and paste the following into your web browser address bar:

http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_driving.asp

Also, The Hartford, which works with the AARP, has some great info on driving and AD:

http://www.thehartford.com/alzheimers/

We recently had to make this decision with my grandmother. Pretty much we tried keeping one of our vehicles parked behind her until she started questioning. Then we explained about it not being safe and how she had gotten lost (three times) and run into parked vehicles (twice and didn't tell anyone!)

She still had access to her keys but I think she was actually scared to drive. My uncle called the state and talked to them and they sent her a letter saying that she needed to come into the DMV to discuss how safe her driving was.

It ended up my grandmother never even went to the DMV because she told my uncle to sell the car since she wasn't using it.

Unfortunately, this whole thing has seemed to make her slip further and further away from us. The disease makes her talk nonsense which we can't understand at all.

But now she is always putting guilt trips on me because "she lives inside four walls and that is all her life is" I take her wherever she needs to go but that is not good enough....

I am sorry for rambling on. I really hope that you are able to find a suitable way to take the keys away.

My mom spoke with my grandmother's doctor as she was not reasonable enough to hear what we were gently saying about her driving skills. Grandma began telling me and my mom that it is OK to drive through red lights as long as noone is coming. Okey dokey, keys have to go! When I was driving with her her skills seemed OK during the day in our neighborhood but it was obvious she was concentrating very hard and there were unexplained scratches on the car that she could not remember or explain. These were all signs on the list that it was time to stop driving.

In our state the Dr. can fill out a report that will begin a DMV investigation. This took us out of the loop, thankfully. I know since she was irrational and has some paranoia she would have blamed us for taking her license so we were thankful for the help. You might want to check with your state's DMV site.

Best wishes. I think the plan is different for every family depending on the circumstances.

Ms Kris,

I did just that. I went through the doctor and the DMV. My dad still blames me even though I explained I had nothing to do with it. His not driving continues to be a sore spot every single day.

I have been comtemplating about the key situation I took the keys away for about a week, because when I rode with him back in April I thought we were going to be killed in a bad car accident, and he was looking so hard I had to make it reappear and then last week when I wasn't around he moved his car supposedly in the driveway because of work being done in the street and when I looked outside I couldn't believe my eyes he backed in the driveway but it wasn't in the driveway but on the lawn, I was too embarrassed to say anything to him or move the car because I was thinking the neighbors must think he was drinking or something since noone knows of his situation. I waited until 3am the next morning and I moved the car in front of the garage and I parked my car in front of it, and then is when I decided not to take all of his keys, just the one to the ignition. I see that he is not capable of driving under no circumstances

IF your step Dad has been officially diagnosed with AD,,,it was his nuerologist's responsibility to have notified DVM,,and to have your Dad go thru a simulated driving test,and written test.

If this hasnt been done as yet,,I would recommend that you call the Dr and request that the letter be sent to the DMV,,and set up for a test for your step dad.

He may have the "smarts" to call a locksmith,,,but that doesn't mean he'll have the smarts or ability to pass the "simulated driving test,,and the written test.

Have someone take the distributor cap off of his vehicle,,,the car wont' start without it.

Keep us posted,and good luck on your quest to squelch the driving for SD. Keep us posted. Peace

Cars, Mail and Finances. The triad of AD grief for the early stages of this illness!

I caught my mom driving after the Dr. told her not to as she had a broken arm. It was odd behavior for her and a series of suspect driving events lead eventially to the confirmation of ALZ. I had her speak with her Dr. after the ALZ. diagnosis and she declared him to his face to be a, "quack". We both notified DMV.

I spoke to an Attorney friend who bottom lined me about how I could be liable as well as my mom if she were to hurt someone. Think about a lawsuit and what may happen to your LO's resources when they need it most to deal with the financial drain of ALZ.

First I got Power of Attorney. I told my Mom that my son needed to borrow her car. I found all the extra car keys, the insurance documents and the registration. I hid the car in my garage. When my Mom pressed to get her car back, I told her that I could not return it and why - she was angry. She told me she would call the police, disown me, she hated me...it was not fun. I hired caregivers as she lived alone and wanted her to have transportation. She hated this idea as well.

In 4-5 months she began to forget about the car and one day told me to sell it - so I did.

In some cases such as my mom, this is a tramatic thing to handle. I simply reminded myself - how would I feel if someone impaired such as my mom hurt or killed an innocent person?

And finally, another true story. My Aunt has ALZ. she drove her car to visit my cousin - a 60 mile drive at night. How she ever managed to find his house is a mystery. He got her settled and to bed only to find out that at 4 in the morning she had taken her car and left. She went missing. We live in Southern California, she was found in Mexico - hungry, robbed and out of gas. A kind man found her and gave her $40 worth of gas free, fed her and took her to the Calif. authorities for help. She was placed in an ALF.

It's tough but you can do it - if your LO is at the stage of this illness where driving is suspect or dangerous - the car must go for their safety as well as for the safety of the community.

Hang in there, this too will be resolved in time.

We,too, had to take MIL's keys. Be careful not to blame it on the meds. I did that and found MIL had stopped taking hers so she could start driving. Ooops, blew that one.
When we try to explain that her driving is dangerous, she denies it. Then she forgets WHY we told her she couldn't drive.
We still haven't come up with something that keeps her from asking.

We were lucky enough that my father fainted (heart wasn't pumping enough-got a pacemaker) so the doctor told him he couldn't drive anymore. But you know men, he can't live without driving. Now he feels better after the pacemaker and he's in the early stages (probably stage 4 or so). We own a family business. My Mom drives him to work and home but my brother is fighting us to let him drive.
So he sends him out on errands. I don't know what he's waiting for. An accident or that he gets lost?
I recommend that you at least get the doctor to say no more driving. Then take it from there.
If you can blame it on something other the ALZ even better. Good luck!

My husband was tested and failed the test and now cannot not drive. He is so angry and depressed and I do not know what to do. He yells he can drive better than I can and it goes on for hours. If I try to sooth him he yells I am not supporting him. All he talks about is getting his liscence back and I doubt that is going to happen. What can Ido to calm him - I cannot take much more of this.

Hi, I am new here and have a comment on this subject. My mother-in-law has lived with my husband & myself for about 5 years & is showing signs of Alz or demention. She is becoming 'evil' and yells & screams if we disagree with her, etc. After one such fight she left in her car. I followed in my car and she finally returned home. So later the next evening her car became 'broken'. She mentioned one time about having my husband look at it but has not mentioned it again. I told her the shop had looked at it a couple of years ago & said it would cost more to fix it than it was worth (which is true) and to drive it until it quit. So I told her it probably had just quit. She did not remember that it wouldn't start so the next time she went to drive it, it wouldn't start of course, and she came back into the house & said that someone had 'helped themselves to my gas'. She hasn't tried to start it since but I'm sure she will. I have been offering & taking her where she needs to go.

Welcome, treysmamaw
I believe that your method seems to be kinder(in most instances) than having them shown that they have lost the ability to drive. That is just my opinion, and some have accepted their failed driving tests, matter-of-fact, but my MIL would have been devastated, I think, to fail the test.

Of course, most things are trial and error.