Hi. I'm Myra and my daddy has Alzheimers. We have known for three or four years that he has this disease.
For a while it was like a bad dream. Daddy's sister and one of his brothers died with this and he has another brother that has it also. So it's not like we didn't know what to expect. Last year the doctor told Daddy and Mother that he needed to stop driving. But he didn't actually stop until they took his driver license this past August. Sense then it seems like he has went down hill so fast.
Two weeks ago Mother told me that he was beginning to have some bad days. Then this past week one of my sisters took them to her house to spend the week. Daddy didn't know or understand where he was so she had to bring them back home three days early.
Yesterday I went down to see them. We live a two hour drive away and work full time so I can't go as often as I would like. He knew who I was but most of the time it was like he didn't know where he was and that he was in his own home. He kept asking Mother where they were and when were they going home. Some of the grandkids were there and he didn't know some of them.
Mother said that he had gone out yesterday morning after breakfast to feed his goats. They live in the country and he has about four goats to have something to kind of keep his mind busy and also keep some of his pastures cleared.
Mother said that he was gone for a minute and came back in. Then he went out again, without telling her where he was going, and was gone for a while. When he came back, Mother said that he was crying like a baby. She thought that maybe he had fallen and hurt himself. She ask what was wrong and he said that he couldn't remember what he was doing any more or where he was going.
This hurts so much. I know, there are lots of people that go through this same thing. But this is my family and my daddy. Daddy has always been such a strong man in everything that he went at. And now to see him almost as a child.
This is such a terrible disease. It's as if it's a terrible different kind of cancer. You know they have it. There's no treatment to make them better. There's no cure. It slowly takes them away from you and out of your life. They may not hurt physically but they hurt so much mentally.
And Mother, she tries to be brave and deal with all of this day in and day out. But it's like he wants to go to bed before the sun goes down and then is up at all hours of the night. She doesn't get enough sleep and rest. And she has to always be with Daddy. Within a few minutes out of Daddy's sight, he starts looking for her and wanting to know where she's at. He's not happy at all if Mothers not where he can get to her. I can tell it's really working on Mother's health and nerves.
It's as if I'm helpless as to know what to do or how to help, if I can help.
Thank you for listening to me. I needed someone to talk to that would understand what I am facing. If you have any advice please let me know. I am looking for any kind of help.

Try not to be sad, Myra. Take it all in stride. Life is filled with a wide range of emotions. From happiness to sadness. Life and death. And we have to find ways to deal with it all. And mostly savor life. When someone we love gets sick and dies, it's sad. But remember, they also brought us much happiness. And that's what we have to dwell on. The good times. There'll be more good times. Even long after dad dies. And as time goes by, you'll think very fondly of dad. And smile at the memories. Meanwhile, you still have opportunity to love and appreciate dad in his waning years. There'll still be good days, relatively speaking. Try to take it one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. You still have dad today. Do what you can to ease him and your mother through this. Live today fully. Get something out of it. Something more than sadness. Find reason to love. Really, life is wonderful. You know that, don't you? --Jim

Welcome Myra,
Yes, there are lots of us going through this, but we are each unique-no more, no less than each other. I am going to copy your post and put it in the CAREGIVERS FORUM. you will get more responses there.

Thank you Jim and maebee for your reply's. I just feel so helpless in all of this. But then, I guess ya'll have that same feeling. I know that I have been fortunate to still have both my parents. But they are 79 and 77 years of age and I know the time is getting close that I want have them. Guess I'm just being a big baby. I know this is just a process of life and death in this world. But it doesn't make it any easier for me to take.
Thanks again for your response.
Myra<><

Just remind yourself, Myra, that you'll always have your parents. Inside you. Very much alive. --Jim

My Daddy has ALZ also. It is getting to the last stages of where is is starting to be combative to my Mom who is his main caregiver. The stress of the daily careing for my Dad and then greiving for the lose of what was is really taking a toll on her health. I think it is now time to let the professional caregivers take over for my Mom. I am 800 miles away from my parents and I feel so guilty but then so releived, Sounds like I am a brat child. I love my parents and I go home as often as possible, I help financinally. My sister is also helping out because she lives close. I know this is also taking a toll on her as well. My Mom has always been the alpha female at our house, and now she can't even think straight because she is so stressed, and exhausted from little to no sleep. So I am greving for both of my parents, they are not the same people who raised me. My Daddy doesn't remember my name, my Mom cant make a decesion. I get calls that I have to come home so we can make a decesion about Daddy. But we three, my Mom, Sister and myself have already made all of our decesions 3 times in the past 12 months. Then my Mom yells at me and then hangs up. I am at my wits end. My sister cannot and will not stand up to my Mother, so she is no help. So I guess Mom is looking for me to make the decesion and actually physically take Daddy and put him in an assisted living ALZ unit because she doesn't want the guilt of doing it herself. Well that's where I am ....today! I still think life is a great place to be and I am thankful for all of the memories that I have of both of my parents. I am going to be my Daddy's memory and his living testement to the life he really loved.
Thank you everyone who read this and letting me unload on you. This is my first post.
Thank you....Thank you!
Rob(this is what my Daddy used to call me)
Robyn (this is my real name)

Yes, Robyn, it's a difficult decision. But necessary. The nursing home will be good for everyone. For your dad. And your mom, too. She'll be able to visit. Daily, if she wants. And she'll get much-needed respite inbetween. I put my dear Jeanne in a nursing home for the last 38 months of her life. I was there every day. And we made the best of the bad situation. So much so that it became a good situation. Not perfect. But good. Life goes on, you know. I've lived 73 years, and counting. Jeanne died almost 2 years ago. But I'm happy. For all the good times. Life is good. Despite some of the sadness. Love is good. Even though it can hurt at times. Your mom will still have happy times. Because she knows how to love. You do, too. You may hurt today. But there's still much joy to come. --Jim

MY DAD HAS ALZHEIMERS ALSO. ALTHOUGH HE IS 82 AND I AM 60. HE IS STILL MY DADDY. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. WATCHING HIM LOSE HIS MEMORIES OF ME AND MOM IS JUST ABOUT THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. HE IS A SWEET MAN. HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY. WHEN HE FORGETS WHAT HE IS SAYING OR DOING MY HEART BREAKS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALZHEIMERS YET THE STAGES AND SUCH. I KNOW I AM LEARNING. THIS IS ONE LESSON I COULD DO WITHOUT. WE HAD TO MOVE AWAY FROM OUR HOME TO THE SOUTH SO I COULD HAVE HELP WITH HIM. HE NO LONGER DRIVES AND NOW HE CRIES. IT IS HARD FOR SUCH A MODEST MAN TO HAVE HIS DAUGHTER CLEAN UP AFTER HE HAS HAD AN ACCIDENT. HE APOLOGIZES A THOUSAND TIMES. CARING FOR HIM IS TRULY A LABOR OF LOVE. NO ONE CARES OR UNDERSTANDS THIS AWFUL THING THAT HAS A HOLD OF HIM. I REALLY HAVE NO ONE THAT I CAN TALK TO ABOUT THIS. I WOULD LIKE TO GET A CAREGIVER TO GIVE ME A BREAK ONCE IN AWHILE. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? SHOULD I GET A NANNY CAMERA? I IS SO GOOD TO JUST WRITE THIS DOWN.
MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS EVERY ONE OF YOU TODAY

Hello Linds Lou, my name is Tom and I want to WELCOME you to this board that is designed for people like you and I! I’m so sorry to hear about your problems! In June of 2008 I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s related dementia. I began visiting this message board in August 2008 and the people have become important to me. I’m sure that you will find a number of supporters here for you.

I will attach a link to a site that will lead you to your local Alzheimer’s Association Chapter. They will be able to assist you with the resources in your area:

http://www.alz.org/apps/findus.asp

Please call the 24/7 Helpline at
1-800-272-3900 if you have any pressing issues!

You night be better served in the Caregivers forum.

Please come on back to visit us soon!

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

I take a walk around the block...to block out this disease....to find some peace as I listen to Yanni on my walkman...and I keep walking. All of a sudden, I wish to myself...I WILL myself talking to Mom...and she hears me saying..."Mom! Come walk with me! As I listen to this beautiful music, come walk with me! I love you!" I hope she heard my silent prayer.

My dad has Alzheimers. His primary care doctor noticed he seemed confused when he was in the hospital for pneumonia 3 years ago. After he was out we also noticed some things we hadn't before.

After a week like we've had I really needed a break and I finally found this website. I'd been looking for a website for several months.

This is all like a breath of fresh air. To hear and see that others are having exactly the same problem we have. My dad is 76 yrs old and starting stage 5. As a 53 yr old child you think your parents will live forever, or at least into their late 80's.

It was so sad seeing dad, who loved his woodworking and gardening, not being able to remember how to put together his furniture or plant his garden. Now moving into the next stage is really taking a toll on all of us.

If it wasn't for my sis, her son, and my son, and one of our neices we would never be able to get thru this. Of course we want to keep him in his home as long as possible but he sure made it hard this last week.

Dear Roseanne3121,
Hello and welcome to the AD message Boards. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad but I'm very glad you've found us.
This is a great place to vent feelings, ask questions, and receive a lot of great support from some wonderful people.
If you have any immediate concerns, please call the AD helpline @ 800-272-3900. There are professionals there 24/7 to talk with you and assist you.
Thanks for sharing your story. You may want to post this and more on the "Caregiver's Site." It gets a lot more readers and posters there. Most of them are like you caring for a LO (Loved One) with AD. You can add on to a post or "start a new thread."

Again, Welcome to our family. You are NOT alone. We are here for you.

Dear one of five,
Hello and welcome to the AD Message Boards.
Are you caring for your Mom? Would you please share your story with us?
We are here for You.

oh my god! THis sounds just like my dad! Its so nice to know someone can relate to how I feel. I do have friends to support me, but have felt for so long they truely cannot understand the hurt Im going through! My dad is only 57! How old is your dad?
P.s thank you so much for this posting!

Hi my name is Jessie.And I have been where you are with my mama.She was 53 when got it.

Hello to all, my name is Becky,

I am 53 and my dad was diagnosed with AD 3 years ago, but I suspected something was wrong at least two years prior to that. He was repetitive, same stories over and over. I saw it in his gait and the hoarding, I just didn't know what it was at the time. My oldest brother lived with and took care of our parents because my mom had failing health, I'm reasonably sure was suffering from depression and was very difficult to be around.

January 4, 2005, my brother unexpectedly died in front of them, then my mother grieved herself to death, and died of the aftermath of a stroke in August 2005, leaving my dad completely alone in the house. He is a WWII veteran.

There were four children, me being the youngest, an older brother and older sister remaining. Mom and dad also raised two of their g/children because of unfit parents. My younger brother who lives w/in walking distance of dad's house, stepped up to the plate and took the caregiving role. It was a complete shock to the family, because he is the father of the g/children that mom and dad raised. In the meantime, my husband and I would make monthly trips to visit dad,(six hour drive one way) take him out to eat, and give my brother and his married children a respite for the weekend. This went on for 18 months.

My brother had pursuaded me to let him have full control of dad's checking account January
2007 under the pretense that he was going to add a bathroom to a spare bedroom of his and move dad in with them.

Dad fell in his house one night in during a "sundowner's episode" and splintered his hip. Underwent surgery, my youngest daughter and I drove 7 hours one way (I live in Mississippi and dad lived in Louisiana), to stay with him in the hospital. He was transferred to his local hospital after his stay in Alexandria, and then transferred to a nursing home for rehab.

When my husband and I went to visit dad in the nursing home in June 2007 for Father's day, I found out that my brother had spent dad's money to keep his family up (my brother has not worked in 30+ years), and had diverted dad's SS checks into his checking account. About four weeks prior to my visit, he had gotten dad to sign POA over to him. My brother and I had a huge argument, I took dad and left,returned him to the nursing home, came home and spent the next six months on the internet researching revocation of POA. That Christmas, my husband and I drove six hours to get dad, six hours home, and I was working for the local community hospital in Administration. I took the new POA to the nursing home that adjoins the hospital where I work, got it signed, sealed and delivered, took dad back to Louisiana after Christmas and told him I would be back to get him as soon as there was an opening at the nursing home. He was back here in Mississippi with me in two weeks.

He fell again and underwent surgery after he came here, but recovered nicely. God has blessed me with a job that I am three minutes away from my dad at any time of the weekday. I spend lunch with him and up until recently, was taking him for outings every Saturday.

It all sounds fine, well and good, but watching my strong, sure footed, never sick a day in his life dad, deteriorate to the point where now I'm having to feed him in his room and say "take a bite dad", has just about sent me over the deep end. I was finally strong enough to resort to counseling (all expenses paid through my work), have turned it over to God, am reading "grief books", because my friends, what you are experiencing is "anticipatory grief", and it hurts.

Trust me, if you've never had to help your dad to the potty and wipe him, bathe him, and feed him, this is a mind altering experience. I know that you're going through.

It is very important that caregivers get a break. Rest, exercise, eat right, quiet time, but also be with family. Ask for help. Don't be shy. It may make the difference in your sanity.

Hope this helps and God bless you.

By the way, I'm estranged from my brother and sister.

quote:

Originally posted by Kim D.:
oh my god! THis sounds just like my dad! Its so nice to know someone can relate to how I feel. I do have friends to support me, but have felt for so long they truely cannot understand the hurt Im going through! My dad is only 57! How old is your dad?
P.s thank you so much for this posting!

My dad is 86. Believe me, I know what you're going through.

quote:

Originally posted by Linda Lou:
MY DAD HAS ALZHEIMERS ALSO. ALTHOUGH HE IS 82 AND I AM 60. HE IS STILL MY DADDY. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. WATCHING HIM LOSE HIS MEMORIES OF ME AND MOM IS JUST ABOUT THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. HE IS A SWEET MAN. HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY. WHEN HE FORGETS WHAT HE IS SAYING OR DOING MY HEART BREAKS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALZHEIMERS YET THE STAGES AND SUCH. I KNOW I AM LEARNING. THIS IS ONE LESSON I COULD DO WITHOUT. WE HAD TO MOVE AWAY FROM OUR HOME TO THE SOUTH SO I COULD HAVE HELP WITH HIM. HE NO LONGER DRIVES AND NOW HE CRIES. IT IS HARD FOR SUCH A MODEST MAN TO HAVE HIS DAUGHTER CLEAN UP AFTER HE HAS HAD AN ACCIDENT. HE APOLOGIZES A THOUSAND TIMES. CARING FOR HIM IS TRULY A LABOR OF LOVE. NO ONE CARES OR UNDERSTANDS THIS AWFUL THING THAT HAS A HOLD OF HIM. I REALLY HAVE NO ONE THAT I CAN TALK TO ABOUT THIS. I WOULD LIKE TO GET A CAREGIVER TO GIVE ME A BREAK ONCE IN AWHILE. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? SHOULD I GET A NANNY CAMERA? I IS SO GOOD TO JUST WRITE THIS DOWN.
MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS EVERY ONE OF YOU TODAY

Linda Lou,

I know all too well about the despair that comes with cleaning your dad. I moved my dad near me to live in the nursing home that joins the hospital where I work. In the beginning days of him living here, I would bring him to my house on Saturdays and I would have to help him to the bathroom, clean him, have been known to bathe him. It's distressing to the mind, but as you said, it's a labor of love, so I grin and bear it. Now, I'm in the feeding stages with him. Since he was a WWII veteran, in his mind, he lives in that period of time. When he starting talking "military sex talk"...it turned my stomach and that really bothered me. I am now reading grief books and am experiencing anticipatory grief. I have increased my exercise and pray a lot more. It has helped.

God Bless You

So many sides to life, aren't there? Fortunately, we all have the opportunity to focus on the upside. Rather than on the downside. My conclusion: Life is wonderful. A blessing. I'll take the good and the bad. And try to live and love happily ever after. --Jim

Dear Becky and Jessie: I want to extend a warm welcome to you and to let you know that we are all here for you and are so glad to have you amongst us.

When I first came into this Online Community, I was a bit unsure of it all and had a bit of difficulty figuring out where my concerns belonged. It wasn't long before the very dear people here took me under their wing and guided me. This community has been the best source of support for me while on this journey and I hope that you will also find it so.

This particular forum you are writing in is called, "Musings". It is a place for sharing thoughts and some people even contribute their creative writings.

It is perfectly okay to contain your communications on this particular forum, BUT; if you would like many more responses from members that specifically address your challenges, I strongly recommend the, "Caregiver's Forum". When you enter this Online Community site and you see the grid of forum names, just click onto Caregiver's Forum if you wish.

I hope all goes well and that you continue to come here and talk to us. We sincerely do care about one another and we will be thinking about you.

Johanna C.