When I finally donated my mom (who had Alzheimers) Judith's clothing, the whole thing was more painful that I was ready for. I put off doing it for a time. I saw the clothes when I was little and although I was donating them to ARC, I still didn't feel as happy as I should about giving. So I felt sad and guilty at once, which was fun.

My relatives chose not to mention Alheimer's in regards to my mom passing. I disagree and feel cancer or Alz aren't things to be ashamed of. I'd like to continue to work toward folks not being embarrassed about something like that.

I agree. Acceptance is a wonderful thing, Snowday. Much better than denial. --Jim

Dear Snowday: It truly can be very sad when we donate our loved one's clothing after they have passed away. Your love continues on and the tug at your heartstrings is understandable.

My mother died in late July and I am beginning to perform this task myself. As you know, it is extremely difficult. Each article of clothing brings a rush of memories.

The one thing I cannot yet part with and will leave on the closet shelf until I am ready to release it, is my mother's little red handbag.

When she was going through the worst of her behaviors, she sat with her handbag on her lap every day and even took it into her bed at night. It represented a grip on things, security and was a source of solace to her. If she set it down, it lay by the side of her chair.

The red handbag came to represent so much to Mother, it actually seemed like an extension of her. So, for awhile, the handbag stays. A poignant memory to be sure.

You are also correct in your belief that we should be open about our loved one's diagnoses. You have been close enough to have caught the reality of the importance of this.

You are a very dear person. Please feel free to continue to communicate on the Caregiver's Forum. We have many folks there whose loved ones have passed away and the sharing of their experience and wisdom is quite valuable.

From one daughter to another, I send you a warm hug.

Johanna C.

Snowday, I have already donated some of Mother's clothes as she had three closets full and I could not even move in. lol
She has always loved her clothes, but my SIL came over and helped me while Mother was out and then she took them to her cousin who took them to her preachers wife. They happened to be her size and she tried them on and called and told Ann's cousin that she was praying for the lovely lady that was no longer able to wear her beautiful clothes and that she also knew some one that would be able to wear Mother's 9N heels. It left me with a nice feeling that she would pray for my mother because of her wonderful clothes. Rather took it as a gentle sign that it was ok to have gotten rid of most of her clothes because it was hard to do.

I too donated my mother's clothing. I donated her beautiful clothes to the ladies that were in the residential home she was at when she died. The two caregivers were wonderful to her and miss her very much. The reason I know this is my mother had a recliner in the sunroom. We had brought her 3 stuffed dogs that she kept with her at all times. They were her security blanket. My mother has been gone for 2 months. One of the daughters (her mother is at the same residential home) spoke with me and said that the recliner still has my mother's 3 stuffed dogs sitting there, awaiting for her return. Someday I may want to bring them home but I'm afraid that it will bring back too many emotional memories. I know how painful it is to release all the personal items of our LOs. Be strong.