My mom is in the advanced stages of alzheimers, my siblings and I put her into a nursing home last friday. It was the hardest thing we had to do, all she did was cry and say she wanted to go home it is a nightmare. everytime I go to see her she just cries and asks what she did wrong, we did not want to put her in, but her hallucinations and everything else was getting worse. Now my youngest brother, who she lived with wants to take her back to his home. my sister in law can not care for my mom any more, they have 2 small boys, she did all she could, but she is totaly incontinant now and needs round the clock care. i do not know how to help my brother, he is consumed with guilt and not acting rationaly where she is concerned. I am afraid if he takes her out of this nursing home he will loose his family. we all love her and this is killing us all. i guess i am juust looking for any advise that would help, this is all so new to my family she only just started getting worse. thank you
Dearest Helen G - New surroundings are sometimes devestating to our LO's. Give it a chance.....Encourage your Mom that with a little time, she will adjust.....If not, then consider bringing her home....it usually takes a couple of months for them to adjust to their NEW life.........Good Luck, friend......zoey
I can surely understand your wonderful interest in helping your mother, however, everyone has a limitation on what they can and should do. I do not believe people should feel guilty when they cannot take care of their parent. Round the clock care is a tough issue. Seeking psychological support for how to cope with this life change may benefit everyone. I would hope your mother adjusts.
My mother died at home at the end of July from dementia. She was a week away from 92 years. I realize that she had an easy passing in many ways. I am glad she was at home. My father was wearing down even with my husband and I helping him towards the end of my mother's life. I do miss her very much, but am grateful for the time we had. These holidays have been rough.
My mom was like that also, but as time went on the place where we placed her became her comfort zone and she would become agitated being away from there. It is very hard everytime you visit your loved one and you leave. I used to cry for sometime when I left. You must remember it is best for her to be where she is with people trained to take care of her. It is very hard having someone at home with advanced stages of Alzheimers. I was always afraid mom would take off and nobody would know and she would get lost. Give it time and remember every family goes through these feelings of guilt, hurt and wondering if you are doing the right thing.
I was talking to one of the bus drivers today at school, which I never do, but my last class was free,so I sat in the faculty room....she said something I'll never forget.....people who have their minds and know they're sick, know that possibly the end is near, but people who are losing their minds sorry to be blunt, (meaning AD) can't relate to whats really going on....they can't remember pain, and we the caregivers take their pain, sad, sick and lost thoughts on our shoulders....its a sort of blessing.....at least for our loved ones. I thought about what she said in a new light.... maybe she was sent there to tell me that... who knows.......whatever the reason, I left school a little less sad today.....ZOEY M
