sorry i must admit i only log onto this at silly hours in the morning when theres no1 to talk to.
but i honestly dont see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.my friends are all now planning where they want to go and what they want to do after 6th form and im just not excited.frankly i dnt plan to go anywhere.i just cant abandon everyone, especially my mum.she even said to me she doesnt want me to go.
and i am sick to death with talking to a cousellor bout it, for her only to agree with me and repeat what i say.helpful.talking about it does nothing anymore.it doesnt change anything.it drives me nuts to think that if i were anorexic or had some sort of mental disorder people would actually notice i need help.im getting worse at handling this everytime i have days when im down.but the problem is im the life and soul of every party. im the class clown but inside im not very happy at all.as soon as no1s watching i will reflect and cry.
when does this all end????

sometimes i feel the same way except i can see the end coming soon.im really gonna be lost then.

me too....so Im thinking back now to my 13th birthday.....Dad won't come in to cut the cake with us....by my 14th he is gone....no not dead, just asked to leave.....My Mom has always been my buddy, friend, mentor, lifeforce. Yes Dad is still marching on at 83, but in another state...Mom played dad & mom for sev. yrs. I can't be mad at him or her.....I just wonder if I will ever feel better....I know I won't when Mom goes to be with the Lord, but still this horible impairment she has is immobilizing me to where I find myself sitting in a chair most of the day, and I found out she has been putting her meds back in bottle, she hasn't been sleeping much......do they sometimes not sleep and wander at night.....??? YIKES..... someone tell me when its over, will I be sadder than I am now????? I saw the shrink yesterday, for myself....he says I've been in a grieving stage since Mom got sick (feb 06) and should focus on what I HAVE and less on what I don't have. Even at 56, I have much growing up to do yet.....He's not done with me yet.

ZOEY M